CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ADAIR

“Now aren’t you glad you gave me the keys,” I tease as she slumps a little further down in the black leather seats. “You wouldn’t be able to get your beauty sleep if you’d held on to them.” The afterparty for the radio event didn’t last very long, but after the way she’s been running on adrenaline lately I’m not surprised she’s about ready to drop.

“Oh, I would’ve gotten my sleep. We probably would’ve just ended up in a ditch,” she admits. “I just remembered the exact reason why I don’t stay up late.” She groans as she pinches the bridge of her nose. “My head hurts and feels numb all at the same time. How is that even possible?”

I try to fight back a laugh and fail. “It’s only eleven p.m.”

“So?”

“You’re right,” I snicker. “Eleven is way too late for anyone to be up. Let’s just add this to the list of reasons we’re old and out of our prime.”

“I am not out of my prime. I’m just smart enough to prolong it as long as possible… by getting my sleep.” She narrows her eyes at me, turning halfway in her seat. “Wait a minute. Are you suggesting we have a mutual list?”

My grip around the black leather gear shift tightens. I rub my thumb over the red stitching as I try to figure out how to pull my foot out of my mouth this time. “We’ve known each other long enough; I think our lists just automatically combined after a certain number of years.”

“Does that mean I have to start sharing one with Ridge now too? It’s been almost ten years, hasn’t it?”

Ridge. His name echoes on repeat in my brain, thumping louder each time. I rub my temples trying to release some of the tension… and to avoid slamming my fist into her red carbon fiber dashboard. “No, we can pass on that one.”

“What is that?” she asks, waving a finger at me. “You almost sound jealous?”

Jealous? Of course, I’m jealous. “Nope. Just protecting my best friend.” I regret it as soon as it leaves my mouth. She’s so much more than a friend.

“Friend?” She repeats the word in a soft whisper, which I don’t think I was supposed to overhear, as she drags her hands down her face.

“Tired?”

“Exhausted. Drained. All of the above.” She pulls her hands away and lets out a groan when she sees charcoal-colored stains on her fingers. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.” She pops the glovebox open and pulls out a tiny pack of magic wipes that remove every single bit of evidence to the fact she had been wearing makeup earlier tonight.

She’s even more breathtaking now.

“I’m going to use this. I’m sure you don’t mind,” she says sticking her tongue out at me as she grabs my jacket from the backseat, without waiting for a response, and curls up with it. “I’m getting cold.”

Staring out through the windshield, the road is completely deserted. Everything outside of this car feels blank and empty. I don’t think I could handle it if that’s all we have left to look forward to together—a big stretch of nothing.

Maybe London was right, after all.

I miss how it used to be between the two of us, but everything was different before the accident… including how I treated Carly. She knew I loved her then, even though we were just kids. She still knew. We both expected to be married with a white picket fence by now.

Then life happened.

Gerald, the bartender’s, story plays through my mind. They were just kids too and they lost their chance inside of a split-second. Life is short and unexpected. My brothers and I know that all too well. What if I wake up tomorrow and my chance to fix things with Carly is taken away? At this rate, I’ve practically taken that chance away from myself.

Now’s my chance. “If my six-thousand-dollar leather jacket can be of service to the woman I love…” I cringe. “Even if that means it’s puddling on the floorboard.”

“Hmm?” She moans as she shifts in her seat to get comfortable.

“I said—”

Snore.

All right then. I guess I’ll just keep my eyes on the road and pour my heart out later. No big deal. Sigh. I crack the window just enough to let the cool breeze smack me in the face, so I don’t fall asleep too. Her body shivers from the rush of cool air causing her to pull my jacket up around her face. Fine. A calming hum comes from the gears inside the door as the window slowly slides back into place. It does very little to calm my nerves after putting Carly to sleep with my confession though. I crank up the heat to try and keep her comfortable, while the heavy silver ring on my hand thumps softly against the steering wheel as I tap out the rhythm of the song playing on the radio. I would normally turn the station, because I hate these kind of lovey-dovey power ballads; but this is where she had it tuned, so I leave it alone. It’s not as bad as it could be. Don’t tell anyone. I kind of like it.

“You finally admitted it…” Her words trail off.

“What’s that?” I ask, turning to find her still passed out in the passenger seat. She’s always been a sleep talker. I remember her brother teasing her about it in school. It embarrassed her so much.

“It’s too late.” She shifts in her seat and groans.

I nudge her on the arm. “Carly,” I say softly. “I think you’re having a bad dream.”

“Adair,” she whispers, still asleep.

My heart falls to my feet. Am I her nightmare?

Why wouldn’t I be?

I’ve been a self-centered depressed neanderthal idiot. She deserves better. I want to be the man she deserves, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I can’t keep hurting the people I care about, especially not Carly.

Her eyelashes flutter as she peeks up at me with one eye half-open. “Was I talking in my sleep?”

“Huh? No.”

“Ugh! I know that look. What aren’t you telling me?” Her hands cover her face as she groans. “What did I say?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” I shrug, turning to face the window so she can’t see the smirk I’m trying to hide. “I did hear ‘Adair’ though.”

She smacks me on the shoulder. “Tonight, is going so well… Ugh.” Her face is almost the same shade of red as the stitching on the seats as she throws herself back against the headrest.

“What were you dreaming about?” I wiggle my eyebrows at her, unable to help myself. She’s just too easy to get worked up. “I mean, I’m just guessing it was about me.” I tease, puffing out my chest. Knowing that I was a feature of her dream is terrifying and heartbreaking, but it’s also great for my ego.

“Don’t flatter yourself, playboy.” She sits up and flips open the mirror on her visor. “Wow. Late nights do not look good on me.”

I grab her hand, pulling it to my lips. “I don’t think there’s anything in the world that doesn’t look good on you, Carly.” She must be in shock from the gesture because her eyes are as wide as silver dollars right now. A bright neon light catches my attention just up the road and I immediately remember the rest of Gerald’s story. “I have an idea.” My stomach flips from the nerves, but I can’t think of anything I’d rather risk complete and total rejection for than a chance to have and hold Carly Thompson till death do us part.

“What are you doing?” She squeaks as I pull into the empty parking lot outside Love on the Peak all-night wedding chapel.

“Maybe you need a little spontaneity in your life to keep you up past eleven,” I tease with a crack in my voice that makes me wonder where the nerve went that I had just thirty seconds ago.

It’s hard to find when she’s staring at me like that.

“I don’t understand.”

Here goes everything… “I never stopped loving you. We took a detour, but I want us to get back on the right road.”

Her eyebrows smoosh together. “What’s the right road?”

“Our road, together. Will you marry me?”

She rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in exasperation. “Adair, what do you think you are doing?”

“Uh…” I swallow hard. “I’m asking you to marry me.” My voice squeaks on the last word.

“Spontaneity, huh?” She shakes her head and buries her face in her hands. “I’m going to regret this in the morning.”

“I don’t want to have any more regrets, that’s why I want to do this. I know it’s the one thing I’ll never regret as long as I live.”

“You’re actually serious?”

“As a heart attack.” She’s nervous. I can’t blame her. She has literally zero reason to trust me at this point, but I’ve never been more sincere about anything in my life. “Carly, I’m sorry I—”

Before I can finish my apology, she snatches her hand away and slams the visor shut making a thump as it hits the ceiling of the car. “Why can’t you be this version of yourself all the time?”

“I’m always myself.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Tell me.” I don’t know why I’m making her say it. I know exactly what she means. Maybe I just want to hear the words. “Please?”

She crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the headrest. “This…” She waves her hand up and down in front of me. “This is the same person I fell in love with. This is the fun-loving boy who stole my heart.”

“I’m just me, Carly.”

She shakes her head. “No. We all have different versions of ourselves that we show the world. This version of you isn’t the same person I get to see every day.”

Carly’s right.

London’s right.

They’re all right.

I’ve made it a point to build walls and use them to keep everyone I love, especially Carly, as far away from seeing through to the real me as possible. “I’m sorry.”

Her breath catches, I can tell she’s holding it in. Maybe she’s waiting for the punchline, but I mean what I said. I’m honestly regretting every decision I’ve made in my adult life where it comes to Carly Thompson. “I’ve been a terrible person—”

She holds up one hand stopping me. “You’re not a terrible person. You’ve just been… lost.”

“I let myself get lost, instead of fighting to be the person you deserved to have in your life. I’m sorry for that, but I’m ready to do what it takes—right now—if you’ll let me.”

The light reflects off her irises as her gaze shifts between the chapel then back to me, it looks like the entire night sky has settled in her eyes. It’s mesmerizing. “We don’t have a marriage certificate,” she says abruptly.

“We’ll get one. Tomorrow.” The click of the lock echoes in the cabin as I open my door. Small pieces of gravel crunch underneath my leather boots as I make my way around to her side of the car. Gulp. Forcing the lump in my throat down, I reach for the door handle. I’ve never been so nervous in my life. I take a deep breath and let it slowly, pulling her door open and reaching for her hand. “Carly, I promise to give you the day you deserve but I can’t go another night without knowing we’re going to be together… until death do us part. I’m asking you again,” I say, dropping to my knee. “Will you let me be your husband?”

Her fingers are trembling in my hand, but she hasn’t pulled away… yet. That’s a good sign. She swallows hard and stares right into my eyes. I don’t look away. I need her to know I’m serious. This isn’t a game to me. “What happens tomorrow?” she finally asks.

“What do you mean?”

“When we wake up tomorrow, and the moment has passed, there will be women lined up waiting to be taken backstage and shown the Adair Miller treatment at the next show. What then?”

I can’t believe she thinks any of those women could compare to what I have here—with her. “Carly, that’s not what you think it is.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, it isn’t.”

She shakes her head and pulls her hand back to straighten some imaginary wrinkle on the snowflake printed fabric of her leggings. “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” Her words fade as she looks back toward the door of the chapel.

“So, that’s a yes?”

“It’s a what-am-I-thinking.” Her smile finally returns to her face, lighting up her features—and my heart. “Yes.” And, just as quickly the happiness turns to fear. “Don’t make me regret this. Please?”

I hate knowing I’m the reason she’s afraid to trust me, even if I understand why. Still on my knees, I fumble through my pockets until I find a loose string. I tug, pulling it away from the fabric and hoping it doesn’t cause my pants to unravel leaving me bare-naked in the Colorado mountains like some doomed cartoon character. “I promise, to get a ring that represents exactly how much this moment means to me as soon as the stores open in the morning, but for now this will have to do,” I say, wrapping the black thread around her ring finger.

---

I keep my eyes on the road, mostly because I don’t want to land us in a ditch, but also because I’m terrified of what I would see if I turned to face her right now. She passed out about two hours outside of Colorado Springs. I’ve been driving all night, afraid to wake her. Afraid that as soon as she woke up, she’d remember and regret it. The silence is broken with the sound of the car’s exhaust as I ease us into her parking space. “Carly, we’re here.” I nudge her gently on the shoulder waking her up. We might have made it official last night, but there’s still a lot of baggage we have left to unpack. “Listen… I… uh… don’t…” I stammer.

Before I can clear the mush currently occupying my brain, she reaches across the center console, grabbing my shirt collar and tugging my mouth to hers. Her soft velvety lips tangling with mine sets my body on fire. I wrap my arms around her and pull her onto my lap, letting my hand slide up her thigh just beyond the hem of her skirt. Her soft skin under my fingertips is almost more than I can take, but I pause waiting for a signal before going further. “Carly…” I groan as she tugs on my lip with her teeth. “You can’t do this to me and then just leave.”

“Who said I was going to just leave?” She opens the car door and wiggles her way out. Her hand reaches for mine as she tilts her head towards the door. “Do you want to… maybe…”

I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than I want Carly Thompson. In one movement I undo the seatbelt and am out of the car following her like a lovesick puppy. 

The way her body moves…

The way she gently tosses her hair behind her shoulder when she’s nervous, like she was at the event.

She’s been teasing me all her life and she doesn’t even know it. I’m going to show her exactly how much I want he—

“Carly!” a very familiar and equally unwelcome voice calls out. “I was worried about you.”

“Ridge,” Carly squeaks as he jogs across the parking area for her complex. He must’ve been camped out waiting for her to get home.

Groan.

The guy has no shame. He plants a kiss on her cheek while she’s still holding on to my hand.

Holding onto me.

Not him.

Me.

We’re together, it doesn’t matter now.

“I’m glad you’re okay. I’ve been calling your phone. You left so quickly; I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“I was… I was asleep in the car, on the way back,” she stammers, looking back at me with an apology in her eyes.

“Well, that explains the hair then,” he laughs.

That isn’t from her sleeping, it’s from my fingers twisting in it while her tongue was down my throat.

She’s been hurt enough. I don’t want to add to it, so I smile as I let her hand go feeling her fingers slip away one at a time.

It might be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. “I’m just going to head home,” I somehow manage to say.

“Adair…” She starts to reach out to stop me but hesitates. I know why. I can’t even blame her. He is a much safer bet with her heart than I am at this point, as much as I regret the choices that made it come to that. “What about everything you said back there… at the chapel?” she asks me under her breath. Ridge is staring at us like the third-freaking-wheel he is.

Everything I said was true. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Her eyes glaze over. A look I know all too well. I hate myself. “How are you going to get home?” she asks.

I wave my phone in the air and turn my back to Ridge, and her. “I used your charger while you were asleep.” It’s hard enough knowing she’s with someone else, I can’t make myself keep watching it happen right in front of me. I wait until I turn the corner and am fully shielded by the brick building next to hers before I flick my screen on and text Travis.

Adair: I need a ride.

Travis: Call an Uber.

Adair: Do you know what kind of driver you can end up with out here?

Travis: Call The Machine’s drivers then. You’ve still got a few days left to use the perks.

Adair: *deadpan glare emoji*

Travis: Fiiiiine.

Adair: I’ll be at the park around the corner from Carly’s.

Travis: Bow-chicka-wow-wow?

Adair: I’m going to punch you when you get here.

Travis: It’s a valid question!

Adair: Then ask Ridge.

Travis: Ouch.

Adair: Yeah.

Travis: I saw them dancing at the wedding, but the way she dropped everything to go find you that night made me think it was nothing.

Adair: You were wrong. Shocker! Just get over here.

Travis: Be nice or I’ll send Nash and he’ll kick you for screwing up with Carly again.

Adair: Too soon, bro. Too soon.

Travis: Nah. All you have to do is win her back.

Adair: *Adair has left this conversation*

Travis: Everyone knows it doesn’t count when you type it dude. I can still see your avatar.

Travis: You’re not talking to me anymore, are you?

Travis: Fine.

Travis: On my way.

Travis: I might take the long way though. #Reasons

---

The growl of the ridiculously loud exhaust reaches me before I can even see his lifted white truck pop over the hill. He pulls up in front of the park and waits for me to drag my sorry-excuse-for-a-human-being self over to the passenger side door. I’m not completely sure I want to subject myself to his driving, but I don’t really have a choice. Stealing a glance back toward Carly’s condo, I rethink every decision that’s led me here, including the decision to have Travis be the one to pick me up.

“Hopefully, you didn’t wake her up,” I scoff as I hop into the cab.

“If it was me, I would actually be hoping I did.”

My mind immediately remembers every reason to think she probably isn’t asleep and they all center around Ridge. “Good point.” I cringe and shudder at the thought of her with another man, least of all Ridge. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy—”

“But he’s not good enough for Carly,” Travis points out.

I nod and stare out the window as the park disappears from the passenger side window, being replaced by the mountainside surrounding the area. “True.”

“Are you?” He glances at me out of the corner of his eye.

He’s right. I’m not. “I could be.”

“Then do it.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Isn’t it?” He shifts gears to reach the maximum speed on this stretch of road. “Love really isn’t that complicated.”

I laugh and throw my head back. “Says the one who has never had a serious committed relationship and just recently thought he had been abducted by a stalker.”

He shrugs it off and puckers his lips like a duck. “Whatever, man. I’ve watched you all for long enough, I can tell you are absolutely the only problem that stands in your way of being with Carly.”

He’s not wrong. “I’ve always relied on her to be there for me, but she deserves more than I can give her in return.”

“Then do better. It’s time you start relying on yourself, instead of everyone else… including Carly.”

I hate to admit when someone else is right, least of all Travis, but this time he’s got me backed into the corner. I want to be the man she deserves. The man I know I could be. My fingers tap out a rhythm on the armrest of the door as London’s words roll through my brain for the millionth time. “You know, London said something at the wedding that actually stuck a nerve.”

“What was it?”

Am I really sure I want to tell him? What have I got to lose at this point? “She said I was stuck living in a moment.”

“Sounds about right to me.”

“So, how do I let myself move on without losing everything in the process?”

He snorts. “You’re asking me? I’m shocked.”

“Never mind. I thought I had made progress, but here I am—without her, again.”

Flicking the screen of his phone, he hands it to me with a picture he took at the event already pulled up. Carly is standing with London and Casey, but her eyes are focused on me in a conversation with a fan I had never met before that moment. I don’t even remember her name. “Do you see that look she’s giving you? That’s jealousy because you were chatting up the busty blonde.”

“Why would she be jealous if she’s hooking up with Ridge?” I fling my arms into the air and smack the window with my knuckles. “And I wasn’t chatting her up. She wants to audition for the label, so I was giving her Nigel’s information.”

“You really are dumb.” He grabs his phone back and pops it back into the stand attached to his dashboard. “She’s only with Ridge because you keep breaking her heart, so stop being… you.” He waves his hand up and down beside me. “Fix it.”

I hunker down in my seat to keep from punching him while he’s driving. He’s right, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear. I have been a complete and total idiot. “How do I undo twelve years of heartbreak, before it’s too late?” I fiddle with the coin machine version of a ring on my finger.
“Just trust yourself. Once you do, you’ll figure it out.” His phone buzzes causing him to smirk like a cheshire cat.

Oh! “You’re holding out on me!”

“Nah.” He shakes his head and flicks the screen off. “Just a friend.”

“Right.” Smug. “Sure, it is.”

He blushes. “It’s the girl from the cocoa stand.”

“I can’t believe she’s still talking to you after you tried to pick her up with whipped cream dangling from your nose like a winter themed booger.”

“I hate you.” His face turns bright red as he reaches for the radio, turning it way up. Our rivals are currently blaring through the speakers of his truck because they’re doing a takeover on his favorite satellite radio station.

“I’m thinking when we get back into the studio, I want to try some new bass techniques I’ve been toying with. We’re going to need to step up our sound a little to compete with what they’re putting out.”

He nods and keeps drumming out a secondary beat to the rhythm they’re playing. “I’m thinking the same thing.”

It probably wouldn’t hurt to try some new methods in my love life either. Maybe it is time to forgive myself, even if I can’t fully forgive myself for what happened, I can forgive myself for being heartbroken—maybe that’s enough to start moving forward.