CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ADAIR

I  have to show her that I’m serious. That the other night wasn’t the worst mistake of her life when she said I do. Granted, we still don’t have our marriage certificate or anything to actually make it legal, but it was the most important day of my life. If she’ll just give me a chance to prove I can be the man she deserves… 

I take a deep breath as I tug out a few rebellious rose petals from the bouquet in my hands.

It needs to be perfect.

This moment has to be perfect.

Just as I expected, Alexei is guarding the entrance to her building like a rottweiler.

A rottweiler that may or may not have been trained on how to kill a man from a distance—without a trace of evidence. Gulp. Hopefully, he remembers the coffee from the other day and will decide not to end my life today. He’s standing in his typical military-esque pose as a black luxury sedan pulls up in front of the door. I parked a few blocks away to give me time to work out the nerves before seeing her. The car door opens and out steps the one man I hate more than anyone on the planet.

Ridge.

He tosses the keys to Alexei who smiles and waves at him as he walks through the entrance. What?! The hope that had filled my heart just a few moments ago falls to the ground, hitting the pavement with a crashing sound of defeat. My shoulders slump as I let myself fall backwards, leaning into the brick wall of the building behind me. My phone buzzes from my pocket, so I tug it out and check the notifications. 1 new message in group chat.

Travis: Don’t forget to send over the audio from your new girl after you’re done.

Adair: Two files uploading.

Travis: Aren’t you supposed to be at Carly’s right now?

Adair: Change of plans.

Travis: What happened?

Adair: Ridge walked in just ahead of me.

Travis: Where are you now?

Adair: I’m standing outside. I’m not going to interfere. She’s clearly moving on with him.

Travis: Nah. That doorman you told us about will throw him out.

Nash: What I wouldn’t give to see him bounce when he hits the sidewalk. Cocky idiot.

Adair: Oh, no. Ridge is apparently Alexei’s BFF. You should’ve seen the bromance.

Griffin: *Puking emoji*

Right when I think my life cannot backfire anymore, Ridge and Carly come out of the door… together. She’s looking straight ahead, exactly where I’m standing. Fan-freaking-tastic. I duck my head, so my chin touches my chest and stay close to the wall as I make my way toward the front of the building, blocking my view—and hers.

Adair: Almost got caught.

Nash: The guard dog?

Adair: No. Carly. She came outside with Ridge.

Griffin: Oh, man. They left together? *Cringe emoji*

Adair: IDK I went around the building so I can’t see them, but at least they can’t see me either.

Travis: Give it three minutes then peek around the corner.

Nash: I’m going to regret asking this, but why three minutes?

Griffin: *Thinking emoji*

Travis: One minute is too soon. They’ll still be waiting for the car. Two minutes 

is still too soon. She’ll either be getting in the car or still standing there waiting, and will definitely see him. Three minutes, with any luck, Ridge will have already drove off and Carly will just be making her way back inside the building.

Nash: *Shocked emoji*

Griffin: That actually makes sense.

Adair: I refuse to take advice from Travis.

 Wait.

 Ridge just drove past.

Travis: Was Carly with him?

Adair: No. He didn’t look happy either.

Nash: Go.

Travis: Get. Her.

Griffin: Now!

Adair: IDK

Griffin: It’s a good sign, dude. Go!

Travis: How many second chances do you expect to get?

Adair: *Shrug emoji* IDK maybe one more.

Travis: This is your last second chance. Don’t screw it up.

Nash: Wait. Did Travis just say something intelligent?

Griffin: I think that just happened. *Dizzy emoji*

The scent of warm honey and vanilla fills my nostrils. Crap. I stuff my phone in my pocket and take off walking down the sidewalk before I get caught.

“What are you doing?” Carly’s voice calls out from behind me.

Busted.

Slowly, I turn around trying to think of some valid reason I would be walking down the sidewalk less than a full block away from her building. I’ve got nothing. “What are you doing here?” That was just about the dumbest response I could have come up with.

She shakes her head making the tail of her red scarf sway in the light winter breeze. “You’re not changing the subject this time. What are you doing here?” A hint of amusement flashes in her eyes. At least I know she’s not mad at me for spying on her.

“I came to bring you these.” I hold up the bouquet of red and yellow roses I’ve been carrying around with me for the last half-hour.

Reaching out with one hand, she takes them and tucks them close to her chest. “What are these for?” she asks with hesitation laced in her tone.

I can’t believe I’m about to admit this, but Travis’s words are replaying in my mind right now. How many second chances do I really expect to get? I’ve already been given more than any one person has a right to. This is my last chance to get it right. I suck in a deep breath and take one cautious step toward her. I don’t want to scare her. I also don’t want to leave her thinking I’m still the guarded idiot I’ve been for my entire adult life. I don’t even know where to start… “I wanted to apologize for the other day.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I understand,” she says as a slight shiver comes over her.

Instinctively, I take off my coat and wrap it around her shoulders. That’s when it hits me. She’s not wearing any layers to be out in this cold except for the scarf draped around her. “You hadn’t planned on being out here, huh?”

She shrugs with a slight shake of her head. “No.”

“Why are you?” This is my chance to find out if I still have any shot of being with the woman I love, or not. My heart clenches at the thought of the alternative.

Her fingers toy with the sprigs of baby’s breath separating the roses from one another. “Ridge stopped by.”

The muscles in my jaw immediately tighten. I have to force them loose to even let a single sound free. A muffled groan is all I have to offer. I’m pathetic.

“It’s not like that,” she waves her hand dismissively as she turns on her heels heading back the same direction she came. “I need to put these in water. Are you coming?”

“What’s it like then?” I ask, picking up my pace so I’m walking right beside her. I tuck my head slightly so I can see her eyes as she answers. Those eyes hold the answers to every important question I have.

“He just stopped by to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” My voice cracks from the sudden rush of excitement. Suddenly, I feel like my odds just increased.

She nods. “He asked me to go back to New York with him.”

No. That can’t happen. “Did you—”

Her arm loops through mine as she lets out a soft giggle. “I’m not going to New York.”

Yes!

“I have my business to think about now. It’s set up here. I would have to redo all that paperwork and break my office space lease with my new landlord. I can’t do that.”

“Isn’t Griffin your landlord now?”

She smirks. “Maybe.”

“So, it isn’t just because you’ve got a lease.”

“No,” she admits. “But I don’t expect the other reasons to ever really amount to anything.”

That stung.

Alexei nods as we pass, his eyes following me but with a hint of approval in them this time instead of the death glares I got the first night I showed up here. “Sir.”

“Sir?” I whisper to Carly as the elevator door closes in front of us. “I leveled up.”

“Maybe he’s just having an off day,” she teases as the elevator comes to a stop on her floor. “Are you going to stand there all day?” she asks, stepping through the sliding doors. She takes a step into her apartment and tosses my jacket onto the coat rack standing by her door. “The coffee is still fresh, if you want some.” She nods toward the coffee pot perched on the bright white kitchen countertops.

I’m still trying to find the words to say, so I take her up on the offer and pour myself a cup to stall a little bit longer.

“I have a question,” she admits as she flips the faucet on to fill a medium sized vase.

Swallowing hard, I let the warm coffee force my nerves back to a manageable level. “What is it?”

“When I found you at the bar—”

Groan.

“I promise it’s not a bad question. At least I don’t think it is…” A soft laugh escapes her lips as she sets the vase in the middle of her dining table. “They look good here, don’t they?”

“They do.” I nod my agreement. “Okay, what’s the question?”

“Before you knew I was there, you were talking to the bartender.”

I remember that conversation all too well. It may have been the straw that finally broke this stubborn camel’s back. “Yeah.”

“You said something I didn’t understand. I tried to let it go, but it’s been bothering me ever since.”

“Whatever I said, I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.”

Her smile fades.

“See?” I hold my arms out wide. “I’m already being an idiot, again. Please, just tell me what it was.”

“You said you picked up music because of me.”

I did say that. I meant it too. “That’s right. I did.”

Her eyebrows scrunch together making her nose wrinkle as she tries to understand.

“I didn’t know you heard that though.”

“It took you a while to realize I was standing there… and then you made a jerk out of yourself again, so it wasn’t the best time to ask.”

That’s fair. I take another long sip of coffee. “You know, this might be the first time I’ve ever drank my coffee from a chunky snowman shaped mug.” It’s the same one I bought her as a consolation since the resort didn’t have her favorite winter drink and we were snowed in for the weekend. I didn’t know she had kept it until the picture in the group chat the other night. It made me think I might still have hope.

“Shut up.” She playfully tosses a pillow at me. I bat it away with one arm, keeping a tight grip on my coffee with the other.

“Uh-uh, you’re not going to make me spill a single drop. Something about the snowman makes it taste even better.”

“I hate you,” she giggles.

I swallow hard and let out a slow even breath. “Okay, I want to answer your question but I’m kind of afraid to.”

“Why?”

“It’s something I hadn’t admitted to anyone else before.” I take the seat next to her on the sofa. Her eyes are searching mine for answers, so I take a deep breath and decide to dive in with both feet. “Music has always been what you let yourself escape into when the weight of everything around you became too much to deal with.”

Her eyes widen with each word I say. “How do you know that?”

“You think I don’t pay attention?”

Silence. Her lips pucker in a twisted duck face scowl.

“Okay, I probably deserve that.” I reach for her hand, this time she doesn’t pull back like she did before when we talked about us. “I’ve always noticed you.”

“Sure, you did.” She rolls her eyes as she leans back tucking her legs underneath her.

“Not did. I do notice you. Every time. Like when you get stressed, the first thing you do is reach for your headphones.”

She waves her hand like she’s shooing away a fly. “A lot of people do that.”

“But do they have different playlists for different moods?”

“Yeah.” She nods. “How do you know about my playlists?”

“But they don’t have one for Mad at Adair or one for Deadline in Less than 24-Hours, or the School Daze playlist where it’s full of nothing but songs we used to listen to in the garage together after school.”

Her expression shifts from amused to shocked.

“I told you, I pay attention.”

“What does that have to do with you picking up music though?”

This is it. “Those days after school, you’d be so mad at Stone for whatever stupid thing he’d done that day but once the music came on your whole mood would change. I’d never seen music affect someone so fast and so deep.”

She swallows hard. “He got into trouble a lot. Still does, actually.”

“I know.” I wish I hadn’t brought him into this conversation, but that’s when I first realized how deep her connection with music was. “I just wanted to make you smile the way you did when your favorite bands came on. Instead, I just made things worse.” Looking back, I can’t believe she’s still sitting here. I don’t deserve the time of day from Carly Thompson. How could I have been so stupid? And for so long…

She scoots a little closer to me and I can’t lie. It makes my heart soar. Maybe I do have a chance. “You did the best you could. You were just a kid too trying to navigate through an impossible situation. I’m not mad at you for what happened between us, or not between us,” she says with a nervous hesitation in her voice. “It’s in the past.”

“But Carly, I don’t want us to stay stuck in the past.”

Her hand slowly slips out of my grip as she reaches for a piece of paper on her coffee table then handing it to me. “Read this.”

It’s a news clipping she’s printed off about Stone. “So, he’s at it again; huh?”

“I think this might be his last chance.” Her tone falls flat, completely deflated. “I want to help him, but I just don’t think he’s ready for help yet.”

“It says he’s due in court tomorrow.”

She nods. “I’m going. I don’t want to go, but I’m going.”

“When?”

“In about,” she checks the rose gold watch on her wrist, “eight hours. I was actually just finishing up packing when Ridge showed up.”

His name makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Is he going with you?”

“Definitely not.”

Phew.

“He was a distraction, and a friend, but not someone I could see myself with.”

“Who could you see yourself with?” I ask without an ounce of shame.

She shakes her head and pushes herself up off the couch. “That doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t have time—or strength—to be with anyone right now.”

“That’s the thing about having someone you love. You don’t have to be strong to love someone.”

“Don’t you?” Her eyes cut me to the bone. She’s right. Anyone who dared to care about me, especially since the accident, has had to be made of cast-freaking-iron to survive me.

I shake my head. “Not when the other person realizes what a fool they’ve been.”

“Listen…” she places her hand on my arm and the feeling is both comforting and heartbreaking. I love feeling her skin against mine, but it’s the touch of goodbye and enough to suck the life out of me. “I know what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it but it’s too late for us. There’s just too much baggage to unpack.”

I swallow hard. “Can I at least be there for you? I know I’ve left you to go through life on your own when all you’ve ever done is be there for me. I want to be there for you now.”

“The thing about that is you’ve helped me realize I don’t need anyone to be there for me. I’m strong enough to get by on own just fine. I appreciate everything you’re trying to do to show how you’ve grown, but it’s just not going to happen for us Adair.”

“I’m sorry.”

Her face softens as she looks in my eyes. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Not anymore. This time it’s me. I just can’t take on anything else right now.”

I can only imagine the weight of emotional baggage she’s carrying having to sort through everything Stone and I have put her through, and here he is back in the news and back in the courts. “Let me be as good of a friend to you as you’ve been to me. Please?”

“Friend?”

“Friend.” I hate that word when it’s about Carly, but that’s what she needs right now so that is exactly who and what I will be.

“Friends,” she agrees, sucking the air right out of my lungs. I’ll take whatever piece of her she’s willing to offer just to keep her in my life. The truth is, I’d do anything for her even if it means break my own heart.