CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CASH

Bright LED headlights blinded me from the other side of the street as I drove away from Brenda’s place, back to my childhood home. I knew Brenda had been upset when she got up and left the restaurant. I totally understood that, but she’d put the brakes on everything over it. And she’d slammed the door in my face.

I wasn’t so full of myself that I thought she didn’t deserve me, or that I was too good for her. Rather, I thought that I’d messed this up bad. I’d told myself from the moment I set eyes on her that I wasn’t here for a relationship, but I’d been telling myself lies. I wanted to be her man, I wanted to be the one she came home to every night, the one that made her smile on the bad days, and was there to enjoy the good days with her. I wanted to be the one she depended on because I was there when she needed me, for whatever she needed me for. If only she’d let me explain, but what was there to explain? I’d let her down.

A song blossomed to life in my head, words I had to stop the car and write down. A song about Brenda. I scrambled around in the glove box until I found a pen and some old envelopes to write on. The song blossomed into life in an instant, and I turned the car off as every bit of it came to life, even down to the guitar chords and the instruments that should accompany it. I thought I was done, but more flowed out of me and I found a napkin to write that one down on.

I ended up having to take the letters inside the envelopes out to write on the back of them. I was so engrossed in the writing, making notes, that I didn’t even think about how cold it was in the car, or about how long I was on the side of the road. I didn’t even think about how Mom and Dad might worry, I was too caught up in my emotions, in the moment, in the passion to notice anything.

By the time I finished, I looked over all the papers and knew I had an album. I just needed to check the chords over. To do that, I needed a guitar which meant I finally had to get out of this car and back to the house. I turned the key in the ignition and put the car into drive. I sped home, thankful that I didn’t pass any cops with radar guns.

The house was dark when I walked in so I crept to my room, got my guitar, put on an old coat I found in the closet, and went out to the garage with my notebooks and the papers from the car under my arm. I shuffled through the papers until I found the one I wanted to be the first song on the album.

“Once Upon A Smile,” came to life as a soft ballad when I wrote it. Now, I plucked at the strings of my guitar until a haunting melody added to the hopefulness of the song. I moved onto song two, though I hadn’t quite decided on the name of it. I worked for hours, afraid that if I stopped and went to sleep I’d lose the momentum, lose the chain of thought that had inspired this manic burst of creativity.

By the time the words were written down neatly in a songwriting notebook, with the sheet music filled in with pencil, I was exhausted, but pleased. I hadn’t noticed the sun coming up or the fact that breakfast was being made until Mom came out with a hot cup of coffee. “Have you been up all night, son?”

“What?” I asked, bleary-eyed, but grateful for the fragrant liquid that would see me through breakfast, at least, before I passed out from exhaustion. “Oh, yes. I thought I was all dried up, without any songs left in me, but I think I have an album ready to go now. I just need to record it.”

“I guess your date went well, then?” Mom asked, joy sparkling in her eyes, deepening the lines around her mouth and eyelids. Somehow, those signs of age only made her more beautiful in my eyes. I hated to take that joy from her, but I did, with a wince at my own stupidity.

“No, actually. It went horribly wrong. She ended up calling a cab to take her home and to be honest? I can’t say that I blame her. I was a real jerk. A jerk that was trying to please fans, but still a jerk.” I nodded at the way she gasped, seeing the question in her eyes before she spoke it.

“What did you do?” Mom asked, but then remembered she was cooking. “Come inside and tell me everything.”

I told her every detail about how stupid I’d been, letting my fans take over my date, not arranging proper security, and everything else. It was my own fault for trying to be a people pleaser. I’d ended up pleasing the fans, but the one person I should have been looking after was Brenda.

“If it’s meant to be, she’ll forgive you, son. You just have to fight for her, stand your ground and explain to her you didn’t mean to be the jerk that you very much were.” Mom gave me that mom look as she spoke, letting me know she sided with Brenda on this one. And I can’t say that I blame her.

“What’s going on?” Dad asked as he came in, his voice sleepy as he belted up his blue flannel bathrobe. Mom filled him in and I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I got the ‘what kind of bonehead are you’ look from him. The stupid kind, that’s what. “I suppose you’re going to apologize, right?”

“When she lets me. I think she needs some time to cool down a little.” I added, then filled him in on the part where she closed the door in my face.

“Yeah, let her cool down first,” Dad answered, glancing at Mom as he said so. That advice came from experience then, I thought with an inward smug smile. “You going to the charity event tonight?”

“What charity event,” I asked, taking the pancakes Mom brought over along with a plate of eggs and bacon. I loaded up my plate with pancakes while Dad worked on putting eggs and bacon on his. We switched, just as Mom sat down with her own cup of coffee and a plate of French Toast. She didn’t like pancakes.

When I saw her plate I thought, for the millionth time in my life, who doesn’t like pancakes?

“The event is a kind of fair at the elementary school library. The elementary school needs new books in the classrooms, so the teachers are helping the school out with a fundraiser.”

“Oh, that sounds cool. Yeah, I’ll come. What time?” I asked, wondering if I could just make a donation for the whole amount. I had plenty of money and if it helped out Stacey and Bren, I was up for it.

Once Mom told me what time they were leaving I finished eating. “I’m going to have a nap, wake me up in a few hours, please? I don’t want to sleep all day. I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Plus, I need to make some phone calls about my album, so I’ll need to be up.”

“Sure, Cash, I’ll get you up,” Dad said with a twinkle in his eye. I knew what that twinkle meant, he was feeling a joke coming on.

“You’re going to wake me up with the lawnmower, are you?” I groaned, frowning over at him, but with a smile. I knew that was exactly what he was going to do.

“I don’t know, son. Spring has sprung and that grass looks like it needs to be taught who’s boss around here. I’ll have a look later, see what I think.” Dad was one of those guys that would mow an entire lawn if he saw one blade of grass sticking up longer than he thought it should. A quick glance out the kitchen window into the backyard told me he’d have his riding lawnmower out in no time, ready to commence the annual battle with the grass. After a good tune up, of course. I shook my head with a soft chuckle as I turned to head to my room. It was good to know some things never changed.

There was still a pain in my heart from what had happened with Brenda, but it was good to know my Dad was the same man I’d grown up with. I’d almost forgotten about Dad and his lawn mowing craze. I definitely needed to come home more often. And not just to see if I could patch things up with Brenda.