CHAPTER SIXTEEN
BRENDA

My first instinct after the fiasco at the restaurant with Cash had been to race over to my best friend Stacey’s house to tell her about how horrible my date had been. I’d paid for the taxi, got into my car, and driven over to her house. The moment she saw my face, she drew me into the house and hugged me tight.

“What’s wrong, babe? Huh? Come on, tell me. What’s going on?” She asked, deep concern dripping from each word she spoke. Her motherly instinct must have kicked in because she stroked my head and made all the appropriate noises as I sobbed out what Cash had done.

“Cash? You went on a date with my brother? Oh my God, Brenda, why? He’s such a jerk.” Stacey pulled away, her face twisted slightly with confusion. “He doesn’t deserve someone like you. Someone as good, and honest, and sweet as you deserves so much better.

I went pale, feeling the impact of her words, but not because she’d said he didn’t deserve me. I’d come over here without taking into account that Cash was her brother. That made it impossibly unfair to complain to her, but Stacey dragged it out of me. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t be here dumping this in your lap. He’s your brother and you have a baby to think of…,”

“No,” she said quickly, swiping her hand in front of her face as she pulled away from me. “You’re my best friend, Bren, and who else would understand? Anybody else would coo about how famous he is, and how handsome he is. They wouldn’t see that all of that is just artifice. Under all of that sex appeal, he’s a man, and men can be such jerks. Especially him.”

I wanted to protest but she held up a finger to silence me as she hit buttons on her phone with her other hand. I stared at her, hoping she wasn’t going to do what I thought she was. The minute she started to speak I knew she had. I sank down to her couch as embarrassment washed over me.

Still, it did make me feel better when she let Cash have it, with both barrels so to speak. She eventually hung up, then sat down on the couch with me. “Do you want ice cream and cookies? I’ve got a ton of it in the freezer. We went shopping today.”

That brought a smile to my face, but I knew I should go. She, no doubt, had an evening at home planned with her family and I didn’t want to intrude any longer than I had. I put my hand on her cheek and smiled bravely. Well, as bravely as I could under the circumstances. “I should go. You have plans and I need to be a big girl. I’ve got a tub of cookie dough ice cream in my own freezer. Thank you, though, for sticking up for me. I love you.”

“I love you too, and I meant every word I said to him. Let me know when you get home, okay? And no crying in the car to sad songs on the way home.” She hugged me tight and then I stood up to go.

“I’ll see you at school,” I said over my shoulder as I picked up my bag from the floor where I dropped it and walked out of the door.

I felt like a bad friend for complaining about her brother the way I had, but she hadn’t seemed to mind. She’d even made me feel a little better about the situation. But only a little. It was a fact that I was a ticking time bomb.

There was something defective in my body that made it possible for cancer to infiltrate my body. No matter how much I stuck to healthy living, or took my medicine, or lived a good, clean life, it was always going to be true that the cancer could come back. Cash deserved a starlet, one that was cancer-free and beautiful. I tensed up as I drove through the quiet streets, trying to make myself stop being so melodramatic. I would not cry anymore. Not over anything. Today. Maybe.

When I made it back to my place, I washed my face, bundled up my hair into a bun, and put on my favorite rainbow fleece pajamas with unicorns and clouds all over them. They were my guilty pleasure, fleece pajamas and I’d bought several new pairs for myself for Christmas. I’d only get a few more nights of wear out of them before it would be too warm for them, so I snuggled up on my couch with a pint of ice cream and put my favorite movie channel on. I was determined not to cry over Cash, or obsess over the fact that I wasn’t the kind of woman he needed anymore.

The movie was just starting to get somewhere when my doorbell rang. There were only a few people that would ring my doorbell at any time. Stacey and my parents. I knew Stacey would be at home, cuddled up on the couch with her own Prince Charming. I dreaded having to deal with my mother tonight, but I tried to screw my face into something happy to fool her into thinking I was fine.

She’d probably driven by the house and saw my lights were off. Knowing Mom, she’d taken it upon herself to give me a lecture about being out late. But then, that didn’t make sense. If she thought I wasn’t home she’d called me. I flung open the door, prepared to tell Mom to mind her own business, my free hand already on my hair, trying to tidy it so she wouldn’t lecture me on that too, but it wasn’t my mom standing there.

It was Cash.

I frowned at the way my heart started to beat frantically in my chest, hating the way my brain sent out signals to my body to be overjoyed to see him. He’d totally blanked me at that restaurant, treated me like I was an afterthought, and whether he deserved a starlet or not, I deserved to be treated like a human being. I didn’t want to talk to him, even if my body was happy to see him.

“I’m busy. Go away.” I told him, glaring as I pushed the door to close it.

Only, he puts his foot in the door jamb so it wouldn’t close. “Brenda, you have every right to be mad. I’d just like to apologize.”

I growled at him, actually growled, and closed the door against his foot harder, in warning. “I don’t want to hear it. You need to leave. Now.”

“But, Brenda, please,” he starts to say, but that just makes me angrier.

“You showed me exactly how you live when you aren’t in Tender Hills. Whether you meant to or not, you showed me that we are not meant for each other. What happened at the restaurant is not okay, either. I couldn’t live with that every day. We’d be bad for each other and I don’t want to go down that road. Our lives are too different. Now please. Respect what I’ve said and leave me alone. Good night.”

Cash looked like he was about to protest again, but he clamped his mouth shut, turned around, and walked away. I wanted to call out to him, to tell him to come back, but I didn’t. What I’d said was true. I’d seen a side of Cash’s life, and of him, that I hadn’t liked at all. I didn’t want to be an afterthought, or put on the backburner with a man that could one day be my partner through life.

Despite the fact that I’m a defective little time bomb, I’ve been through a lot and I deserve better than being someone’s second fiddle. I tried to finish the movie but ended up with my pink fleece blanket over my head, crying into my pillow. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to end. At all.

My only consolation, the only thing that kept me from being a puddle on the floor, was that at least I’d found out early. Before I could totally fall in love with the illusion that I’d built around Cash. Before I could get in way too far to get out.