CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LONDON

Griffin’s staring at his phone, fighting back a grin. His dark hair flicks out around the frayed red ball cap. It’s not a bad look for him… at all. The sheepish smile on his face when he looks back at me makes my stomach flip. I rub my hand up and down my arm, pretending the bumps that sprouted were because of the air conditioning and not the feeling I get when he looks at me.

“Uh.” His leg is bouncing up and down at warp speed. “Don’t kick my ass.” His eyes dart up focusing on Carter. Sorry, he mouths. “Don’t hate me, but I think I need a ride to Wichita.”

I laugh so hard I snort. I just freaking love it when I do that. “I kind of gathered that already, Mister Rockstar.” I’m still laughing as my hand lands on his chest… his very large, very muscular chest. If I’m going to keep my head above water here, I need to learn to keep my hands to myself. He’s not that hot. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to throw you out on the road,” I say.

“Good. I prefer over here anyway,” he says with a grin. “What’s that look mean?” he asks.

“My face says things that would never come out of my mouth. It’s been an ongoing issue since… Ever. I probably should have warned you since we’re going to be stuck together all summer.”

“Why bother with a filter anyway? Might as well not have to put on any shows when we’re not on stage.”

That’s a fair point. “I guess I’m just confused why you’d rather be stuck here on the mom-mobile than in your own party bus.” I shrug. “It was just a passing thought. I can’t really be held responsible for whatever trash-talk face decides to do when I’m not looking.” I giggle… nervously. Awkward.

“I don’t have a party bus,” he says with a sigh. “You’ll see.” He brushes something off his jeans. I don’t actually see anything, but I’m sure it’s there. “I’m not who they think I am, London.”

Right. I nod. “Fake news?” I can’t help but giggle at my own joke. He just gives me deadpan look. “I should make sure Casey got on her bus,” I say desperate for something to change the subject.

London: Are you guys on the road too? You could have come with us.

Casey: We’re two buses behind you. How are you and Carter holding up?

London: I’m actually a little nervous. I’ve never been on a road trip this long with him. Are these things even safe?

Casey: Don’t stress. Devon said Griffin was giving the drivers all the 3rd degree this morning. He wouldn’t let anyone take control of your bus who had so much as a speeding ticket.

London: Seriously?

Casey: Seriously.

London: …

Carter plops down between the two of us forcing me to scoot into the armrest. “Mom, can I play games on the way there?”

I nod. “Today is an off-day, we’ll get back into our routine tomorrow.” I kind of feel bad about letting him have today off, but since we homeschool there are no snow days, I figure one adjusting to our new normal day is not totally out of the question.

“What games do we have loaded on here?” Griffin leans up and snags the remote to the television as Carter flicks on the controller.

“You two are going to be bad influences on each other. I can already tell.”

Griffin’s eyes twinkle just as much as Carter’s do as they scan the game selection. “Oh, what about that one?” he asks.

“Come on,” Carter scoffs. “That one is so last year.” He keeps scrolling.

Griffin stifles a laugh. ”I guess I’m going to have to try harder to keep up.”

“He’s a handful.” I ruffle Carter’s hair.

“Stop it, Mom” He brushes my hand away, totally in the zone scanning titles as they roll across the screen. “How about this one?”

“You know what?” Griffin rubs his hands together. “I’ve been itching to try this one. Let’s do it.” He looks up with questions in his eyes. “If it’s okay with your mom, of course.”

“Does it have any of the major no’s, Carter?” He knows very well what our rules are. No sex, swearing, drugs, or graphic violence. From what I gathered on Thursday night, our major no’s are all the things that make up the standard Amaryllis show. What was I thinking?

“Nope.” Carter shakes his head dramatically. “Just some dragons and a few mages that may or may not have to die.”

“Fair enough.” I smile and wink at him. “Get ‘em.”

“Ew, Mom.” He rolls his eyes but smiles when he thinks I’m not looking.

Griffin nudges Carter with his shoulder. “You’ve got a pretty awesome mom, you know?”

Carter doesn’t take his eyes off the screen. “I know.”

And just like that—my heart melts. I sink back into the sofa to watch them battle the forces of the unknown. Between them yelling at the game and the sound of our tires against the pavement, I don’t even have enough space to hear myself think. It’s refreshing.

---

Carter flicks the pause button and bolts off to the bathroom. “I’ll be back in a second. Don’t kill stuff without me,” he yells as he closes the door.

“You guys have been at this for a while,” I say for lack of anything better to say. To be honest, I am impressed with how good Griffin is with Carter. Most people in his position aren’t great with kids, especially not strong kids with strong opinions. “I guess you’ve noticed that he starts out kind of shy, but he comes out of that pretty quick.”

“Just like his mom.” Griffin winks sending a flurry of emotions through me at once. “He’s a great kid.” The sincerity seeps out in his tone. “You’ve done an amazing job with him.”

“To tell you the truth, I think he’s raised me more than I have him.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “I was completely lost before Carter. I had no idea where my life was going. I guess I still don’t, because this time last week I never would have expected to be sitting here.” I make a face that I imagine looks like the grimace emoji, but not as cool. From the very first time I held him, I knew that I had to buckle down and make our way in the world because he was counting on me.” I pick at my nails, another nasty nervous habit I picked up during my teenage years.

The corners of Griffin’s mouth turn up as he gives a slight nod. “Huh.”

“What?” I cringe and cover my mouth with both hands. “I always tend to overshare. I have a habit of saying whatever I think and then regretting it later.”

“Not at all.” He grabs my hand and just like before, against my best efforts to resist, my fingers wrap around his and the nerves subside. “I was actually thinking that you sound a lot like my mother did when I was little.”

His mother?

Really?

I’m just a road mom to him. Fan-freaking-tastic.

I scoff. “I bet that woman deserves a medal of honor.”

“Yeah, she totally does.” He swallows hard. “I miss her… a lot.”

I try to comfort him by rubbing his shoulder. “She did a pretty good job. You turned out okay.” I make a fifty-fifty gesture with my hand. “Sorry. Cracking the tension with a lame joke is my jam.” My cheeks turn warm again. Dang it.

“I actually really like that.” His brooding chameleon eyes and that flipping smile of his make me feel all sorts of things from my core, but I am especially aware of the butterflies swarming in the pit of my stomach. “She would have loved you,” he says with a hitch in his breath.

“It sounds like she was a very smart woman,” I snort. Classy. There’s that lame attempt to break the tension again. Right on time. Who said I didn’t know how to be punctual? Go me.

“She was.” His eyes are intense.

 “What happened?” I cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth. “I’m sorry if that’s too personal.”

He shakes his head and takes his ball cap off to run his hand through his hair. “We lost her and our dad in a car wreck caused by a drunk driver when I was fifteen.”

My heart aches for him as I see the pain flicker across his face. “I’m so sorry.”

Just as I reach to comfort the crumbling rockstar in front of me, Carter elbows me out of the way and plops down between us. “You ready?” he asks.

“Always.” Griffin plops the ball cap back on his head, and his face instantly transforms to a different kind of intensity as they go back to destroying dark forces. Something tells me there is a lot more to Griffin Miller than what the public gets to see. I go back to scrolling social media on my phone trying to push away thoughts of Griffin Miller and just how much I can learn about the real him over the next ninety days.

“Yes!” Carter jumps up pumping his fist in the air.

I snap my neck to look up and catch Griffin watching me from the corner of his eye. He blushes when he realizes I caught him. “Good job, buddy!” Griffin gives Carter a high-five before going back to the game.

“Mom…” Carter still keeps his eyes trained on the video game. “I’m hungry.”

There is never a time my kid isn’t hungry. “No problem, kiddo.” I point to the solar system patterned luggage resting on his bed. “Go grab one of the snacks you packed.”

“No.” He shakes his head and wrinkles his nose up. “None of those sound good.”

“Well, there’s not much we can do about that until we get to Wichita.” I rub my forehead as I try to think of something that might work. “What about the sandwiches? They’re your favorite.”

He shakes his head again. “I don’t like those anymore.”

“Since when?” My voice squeaks. I hate when it does that.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs his shoulders. “This morning?”

“Of course.”

Griffin is trying to hold back a laugh. I can only imagine how far from a typical day in his life this is. He smiles and winks at me from underneath the bill of his worn ballcap. “Hey, Vic…”

“Yes, boss?” Victor calls back from the front of the bus.

“We need to make a stop off in the next town. Can you get us to a supermarket?”

Victor nods and flicks the screen of the GPS. “You got it, boss.”

“Problem solved.” Griffin smiles and nudges Carter with his shoulder. “What kind of food are we in search of, Buddy?”

“Hmm…” Carter’s lips are pursed together as he considers his options. “I think I want some pizza bites or something like that.”

“Pizza bites are the best!” He gives him a high-five. “How about some soda too? Does your mom let you have soda?” He looks up at me with an apologetic look that is completely adorable.

I nod. “I think a small one will be just fine.” Nutrition is going to be an issue on this bus. That much is clear.

Griffin leans back into his seat with a satisfied look on his face. “Then I think we’ve got this covered. Junk food and soda are my favorite. I have a plate of pizza bites before every show.”

“You do not!” I laugh louder than I intended. “There is no way you look like that,” I wave a finger up and down in front of him, “and eat pizza bites every night.”

“I absolutely do,” he says defiantly. “Wait… are you insinuating you like the way I look?”

Ugh. I rub my temples. “Let’s just move on, shall we?”

“It’s actually a comfort thing for me.” He blushes. “A little-known fact about me is that I get incredibly nervous before every show.”

“You?” I cackle and throw my head back. “I do not believe you. I’ve seen how you are on stage.”

“I fake it pretty well, huh? I don’t like being on stage. It’s terrifying.”

“Then why do it?” I ask before I can stop myself.

He pauses and looks toward the front of the bus. “I always wanted to make music and when they offered the deal, it just kind of came with the territory.”

“But now?” I spread my arms and make a sweeping gesture to take in everything surrounding us. “You lead the best-selling rock band of the last decade. You could do whatever you wanted.” I shake my head in disbelief. “Or not do anything you don’t want to do.”

He ducks his head as he scratches his eyebrow with a very tattooed hand that says Find the Stars. “I know the accolades they’ve given us, but I’m still just me. You know? I want to help and that means I get over myself and do what the family needs me to do.”

“The family? Your brothers?”

“Yes, but not just them. Everyone thinks Amaryllis is just us, but it’s not.”

How much of a paradox can one guy be? Griffin Miller is going to break all paradox-human records. “What’s that mean?” I point to the tattoo.

“Oh,” he flicks his hand over and studies it. “Even when you don’t love something, you can still love the reason why you do it—and that’s enough. You know?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“It’s not about me anymore. It never really was.” He nods toward Victor. “It’s about them. If I stop touring, what becomes of Amaryllis? Then there are hundreds of people who are going to end up unemployed. And their families… I can’t do that to them just because something makes me a little uncomfortable.”

“I understand.” I nod slowly and think about everything I’ve given up for Carter. “I only said yes to this gig because it might help me take some stress away from my parents and help me give Carter the life he deserves.”

“Exactly.” His smile returns and makes his eyes light up. “And those pizza bites remind me of being home when I was a kid, with Mom and Dad. Family.”

Wow. This guy is something else. “It’s how you remind yourself who you’re doing it all for.”

His smile widens as he gives me a single nod. “That’s exactly it.” He jerks and jumps out of his seat. “Whoa! That shifter came out of nowhere.”

Carter taps the buttons on the controller furiously. “I got your back!”

“Nice cover, Buddy.” Griffin fires the trigger on his controller like rapid fire. “I got the one that was coming up behind you.”

“Thanks!” Carter’s voice is full of excitement. He’s always happy, but there’s something different in his smile and it makes my heart full.The more time I spend with Griffin Miller, the more confused I become. The man in the media would never be on the verge of tears over tender memories of family and home, and he certainly would not be sitting here perfectly content to play E-rated video games with a six-year-old. Who is Griffin Miller?