CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
GRIFFIN

I  love the way her hand feels in mine, like I’m finally home. I thought I was just fine living this life alone and focusing on my career. The only real company I’ve ever had are my brothers, who are currently covering my ass yet again by handling the meet-and-greets. Nash was the only one who didn’t give me hell. He just patted me on the back and gave me that older brother knowing look.

“So,” she tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear, “I thought you would be out there doing the rockstar thing?”

If she only knew how far off from the rockstar thing I really wanted to be. ”Which rockstar thing would that be?”

She shrugs her shoulders, which are currently peeking out of two strategically placed holes in the sleeves of her top.

I’m not sure what that look is called, but I like it. I like it a lot. I’m starting to feel like a total douchebag with the way my mind keeps wandering when she talks. I force myself to focus. Her voice is soft and smooth. I could easily melt right here at her feet. Did she already answer? Christ.  “I don’t really know what you mean,” I admit.

“I just told you.” She shoves me in the arm hard enough I stumble to the left. 

I laugh and have to admit, “I didn’t hear what you said.”

She glares at me from underneath her long dark eyelashes.

“I’m sorry.” I shrug and give my best sheepish smile. It used to work all the time on my mom. “My ears are still ringing from the show.”

She doesn’t look entirely convinced but, since she’s probably used to seeing the same-ish look and hearing the same-ish lame excuses from her own son, she lets it go. “The autographs,” she nods toward the meet-and-greet area.

“I…” Do I actually tell her that the only reason I bailed on one of my duties as Amaryllis’ frontman is because I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with her for even one more second? “I just wasn’t feeling it tonight.”

“Do you get to just do that?”

“What?” This isn’t going as planned.

“Just blow off responsibilities.”

I let out a deep sigh. “No.” I shake my head and rub my forehead with my free hand. She still hasn’t let go of my other hand. I’m not complaining. “No, I don’t.”

“So, what will happen since you’re not over there signing with the rest of the guys?” She glowers at the crowd surrounding the table. “I mean… I’m not really upset that you’re here with me and not over there.”

“Wait.” I tug on her hand pulling her a little closer to me. “Did you just admit you enjoy spending time with me?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Mister Rockstar.” She bites her lip to hide a smile. “I just feel a little out of place and you’re pretty much the only person I know out here, so I prefer to have you show me the ropes instead of having to wing it on my own.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

“So, are you going to answer my question or are you just going to keep sinking further into that rockstar ego thing you’ve got going on right now?” She wiggles her finger in my direction.

“Uh…” I try to stifle my overexcitement at her almost admission of enjoying my company. “Nothing will really happen.”

“Nothing?”

“Not really. Nigel will probably throw a fit. I’ll be threatened with The Machine potentially cutting me off from my very nice paydays, and then we’ll all move on.”

“That’s it?”

“Basically.” I nod. “I don’t usually blow off my responsibilities though, if that’s what you’re thinking.” I really hope it isn’t.

No response.

“Is that what you were really asking me? If I consistently blow off my responsibilities?” I lower my head and tilt it to the side to see her expression better.

“Maybe, a little bit.” This time she has the sheepish look on her face.

I snort out a laugh and can’t help but squeeze her hand tighter in mine. “If you want to know the truth—”

“It’s time,” Adair yells from the stairs, motioning for us to follow him as he disappears on the other side of the stage backdrop.

“Hang on!” Nash yells back. He and Travis stop short, standing right in front of us. “If you want to know the truth about what?” Nash asks, as his eyes bore a hole straight through London.

“No.” I wave my free hand emphatically. “We are not doing the weirdo older brother bullshit today.”

“Oh, I think we might.” Nash grins.

Travis’s face is buried in his phone as usual. He stuffs it in his pocket and finally glances up at London. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to say hi earlier. I’m glad you’re here with us.”

“Thank you.” She smiles and blushes as she drops my hand—damn it—to shake his. “I guess it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hold anything up.” She shrinks back a little as her shoulders raise up almost touching her ears.

She’s so nervous.

I wish I could take that away from her and show her just how incredible she is.

“Nonsense. They can’t start without us.” Nash belts out laughter the crowd can probably hear even over Adair tuning his bass from the stage. Nigel decided to do an extra cover that includes London on the keys, before we break into our final song of the night. The Machine wasn’t thrilled with the amount of money they were throwing at London for a single song. He’s expecting them to insist on more before the next round of shows.

“I just asked him why he wasn’t over there signing autographs and doing the rockstar thing with you guys.” She turns and gives me a sexy-as-hell wicked grin, knowing she’s helping Nash and his mission to embarrass me.

I give Nash a warning glare, which he clearly doesn’t read. My effing brothers… He laughs louder as he recognizes the look on my face and slaps me on the back. “That’s because he needed to get back to you.”

I think I just died a little on the inside.

“Me?” she asks, pointing at herself. The pink on her cheeks turns to bright red, and somehow that just made my humiliation entirely worth it.

“He’s not wrong, but…” I drag both of my hands down my face. “C’mon, man. You can’t tell her all my secrets already. I want her to find out some of them on her own.” I wink and can’t help but enjoy how tiny goosebumps sprout up and down her arms. I probably wasn’t supposed to notice that.

Nash gives me that cocky grin of his. You know the one. The older brother, I’ve got an ace up my sleeve, grin.

Not the time, dude.

“He wouldn’t shut up before the show talking about how he needed to hurry and get back to you and Carter.”

What the— “Okay, I think we’re done here.” I usher them all toward the stairs. “We’ve got a job to do.”

He winks at her and I instinctively push him in the shoulder, even though I know that’s not what the wink meant.

I really am a Neanderthal.

“Well…” I chuckle nervously under my breath. “Can you blame me?” I glance at her from the corner of my eye. “Sorry.” I cringe and wait for the verbal onslaught, which I definitely deserve.

“I…” She juts out her chin as she mulls over my brother’s attempt to completely humiliate me before I even get a chance to show this girl just how serious I am about her. “I don’t think I mind,” she finally says after what seems like an eternity.

She doesn’t?

Yes!

Nash rolls his eyes and tilts his head to the side motioning for us to follow him. “C’mon.” He takes the steps up to the stage two at a time and stops on his mark.

I steal another quick glance at London from the corner of my eye. Those red heels are even hotter than the yellow ones she wore the first night I met her. I don’t think I could stop staring at her even if I tried.

She glances up at me, catching me mid-stare. She doesn’t smack me, and she doesn’t recoil. That makes it a win in my book. Instead, she smiles up at me and takes her cue to climb the stairs. My heart thumps against my rib cage as I follow her up to the stage. It’s so loud I’m certain she can hear it. The whole crowd on the other side of the stage can probably hear it.

I don’t care.

She smiled.

I still have a chance.

“Wait.” She stops at the keyboard. “What’s this?” She asks as she whirls around with her eyes as wide as silver dollars.

“Didn’t Nigel tell you?” I whisper as I lean over the electric piano separating us. 

She shakes her head as her dark brown eyes plead for help. I feel my fists ball up as I think about how badly I want to punch Nigel in his pointy little nose.

“Wow.” I grab the back of my neck hoping to pull the tension right out of my shoulders, but with literally zero success. “So, The Machine decided we were going to do two songs with you. This is the cover we’re going to play before we move into the final song.” I hate watching her fear take over her features. She’s so much better than she knows. “Uh…” I drag my hand down my face. “That fu—” I look up and catch her scowling at me. “Sorry. That jerkwad.”

She laughs and it seems to fill my lungs with the oxygen they had just been missing. “Carter’s not here. That fucker is a perfectly acceptable description of Nigel right now.”

“I will take care of him as soon as we’re off-stage,” I can at least promise her that much. “It’s an easy melody. If you want to wait it out, then that’s cool.” I really don’t want to add any more pressure or stress to her than she’s already under. “We’ve played it a thousand times without the keys, but it would definitely sound better with you on it too.”

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. This is the look I’ve learned is her game face and I absolutely love it.

“No,” she says with a new sound of determination in her voice. “I’m fine.” She studies the sheets in front of her and tosses them to the side. “I can’t do it their way though. I have to do it mine.”

“That’s perfect.” I walk backwards, not wanting to take my eyes off her until I reach my mark just in front of the mic. The crowd’s cheers grow, echoing through my ears. It’s so loud, I can’t even picture myself beating Nigel’s face in anymore. That’s probably not a bad thing.

I might need therapy by the time I get off this tour.

Nash and Adair are tuning up as Travis kicks off on the drums. Did London just crack her neck? I chuckle and the microphone picks it up. I turn around, wincing, as I mouth ‘Sorry’ to her. She just rolls her eyes and goes back to business as usual. I grab my guitar, wrapping the strap around my neck and popping the capo in place.

I strum out the first chord.

Nash shakes his head and Travis is rolling back through the beat.

What the…? I shake my head no at Nash and strum the chord again.

He’s tapping the neck of his guitar and shaking his head. He’s looking down so it’s not obvious to the crowd, but I notice.

I play the chord again, waiting for him to take the lead.

Travis kicks out the beat again.

What is happening right now? I play the first chord set all the way through. That didn’t sound right.

“Check your capo, dude!” Adair yells over the sound of the bass echoing through the speakers as Nash locks the key in causing the crowd to cheer louder.

“Oh, shit,” I laugh into the mic, sliding my capo down to the correct position and strumming the strings again. “There it is. That was my fault,” I admit into the microphone. The crowd laughs in unison at my dumb ass. “I had it in my head that I couldn’t screw up a song since I’m in the center of the banner.” I point at the giant branded band photo stretched from one side of the stage to the other. “Clearly, I’m an idiot,” I laugh again and raise my hands in the air pointing back at myself. “My bad.”

Cheers and laughs echo through the theater. I definitely hear London giggling back there.

Nash makes his way across the stage as Adair’s bass line echoes through the speakers. “Hey,” he leans over and whispers in my ear. “You okay?”

“I’m good, man. Shit happens.”

“I just want to make sure.” He nods toward London. “You’ve been acting off. I know you’re into this girl, but you need to make sure that you’ve still got your head in the game.”

“It’s fine.” I narrow my eyes at him as I cover the mic, pushing it full arm’s length away. “I’ve got it under control.”

“We’re worried about you.”

“Who?”

“All of us.” He shifts his focus between Travis, Adair, and Carly who is just off-stage with her gaze completely torn between Adair and the monitors. “You’ve got a lot of people counting on you. Don’t forget what we’re actually doing this for.” He plays a chord to keep the crowd going. “I don’t want to see you get hurt over some girl who’s going to leave as soon as this tour is over, and then we have to help you pull yourself back together.”

I nod and watch as he walks back to his mark.

He’s not wrong.

My family is counting on me.

Who says family can’t grow? It grew from just me and my brothers to the huge community it is now. Isn’t that what family is all about anyway? Love and growth, not hiding from your emotions the way Adair and Nash have been for more than a decade.

He’s right about one thing. I am completely lost in London James, and that is the way it’s going to stay, whether Nash, Adair, Travis, or anyone else likes it or not. Even if it ends up leaving me in a big pile of messed up feelings after they go back to their life in Tulsa…

Without me.