CHAPTER SIXTEEN
LONDON

“Casey!” I yell as I’m shuffling through all the clothes I packed, none of which seem appropriate to stand on stage in.

“What?” She pokes her head out of the small bathroom with a towel wrapped around her hair. “I’m trying to get dressed over here.” She looks effortless in her black shorts and white cami with a bright yellow sleeveless button-down tied in a knot to show just a peek of skin.

I let out a deep sigh as I throw a pair of wadded up socks at her. “I need help.” My arms flop to my sides, completely defeated. “I have nothing to wear.”

“Doesn’t wardrobe come with the gig?” The skin between her eyebrows creases as she wrinkles her nose.

“No.” I toss random clothes out of my bag and onto my bed trying to find something that might not scream I’m a total noob at this. “Nigel maxed the budget,” I giggle. “Then I maxed it a little bit more to get you a job.” I stick my tongue out at her.

Carter bounces up next to me, apparently, he’s killed all the random creatures he can for one night and shut down the game. “Can I watch you play tonight, Mom?”

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I consider it. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea. I want to see what goes on backstage before I even consider letting you hang out there during the show.”

“C’mon, Mom.” He stomps his little foot and immediately looks up and cringes. 

I run my fingers through his hair. It’s the same gesture I’ve done since the day he was born and didn’t even have any hair yet, just the newborn peach fuzz on top of his head. “I want to make sure it’s a good environment for you to be around. That’s all.”

He tilts his head to the side. “You wouldn’t have said yes if you didn’t think it was.”

“You’re right there.” I nod. He is right, but that does not mean I always make the best decisions, and I certainly don’t trust myself to make great decisions around Griffin Miller.

Especially after today.

I have to be careful or I’m going to end up way over my head. “Maybe tomorrow’s show. Tonight, you’re staying here with Casey.” I shoot her an accusing glare. “Speaking of which… What exactly are you getting so dressed up for?” She’s still in the little bathroom scrunching her bright red curls with some goop that makes them super shiny.

“Oh…” She giggles nervously. “Devon is going to take me out on a date.” She catches the look of shock and fear that must be plastered on my face. “Don’t worry, it’ll be after the show.”

“Don’t miss the bus in the morning, please.” I throw my head back and groan. “If I have to spend another whole day with Griffin—”

“What?” She laughs. “You might actually enjoy yourself?”

Why does she always have to be right? “Whatever.” I make a sweeping motion with my arms. “Just help me, please.” I’ve never been good at all this fashion stuff. I’m a t-shirt and yoga pants kind of girl.

She picks through my clothes and pulls out a pair of jeans, pursing her lips together. “Hmm… Do you have a pair of scissors with you?”

“I think so.” I dig through my cosmetics bag. “I usually have a pair just in case I need to… I honestly have no idea why I carry them, but I think it was something I had to do to get my mom-card stamped.”

She nods. “Sounds about right.”

“Ah.” I pull out the bright pink scissors and hand them to her. “Wait.” I jerk my hand back. “What are you going to do?”

“Would you just relax?” She snatches them from my hand. “I promise, if you hate it then I’ll buy you a new pair of jeans.”

“You two are weird.” Carter says as he scooches back on his bunk directly across from mine and flicks on the small television hanging from the wall.

Casey goes to work on my jeans, and I cringe. “I can’t watch,” I say, covering my eyes with one hand but spreading my fingers so I can peek. She’s always had a special flair. In high school she wanted to get a degree in fashion design, but after her boyfriend convinced her she should dress more like the popular girls in school, she gave that dream up. She’s always been a free spirit, but she had been willing to do anything for him. He broke her heart.

“There.” She hands me back my scissors and my freshly dissected pair of… Shorts? “All done!” Her smile widens as she studies her handywork. “Now we just need to get the top part of you taken care of.”

“That would be helpful.” I give her a duh look as I pull out my jewelry case. “Maybe there’s something in here that will help add a little… something.” I don’t even know where to start.

Casey spreads my tops across the bed then digs through the jewelry bag, matching the tops with necklaces and earrings. She mix-matches sets and scraps a few before finally settling on two. “Here you go.” She steps back so I can see better. “Pick which one you like best.”

I grab the cold-shoulder style t-shirt with the Rolling Stones logo on it. “I like my vintage stuff best. It’s more comfortable.”

“Then that’s what you should wear.” She shoos me toward the bathroom so I can change and hands me a pair of my bright red heels through the crack in the door.

“Thanks, Case.” I study myself in the mirror and purse my lips together. I’m not sure I will ever love the reflection that looks back at me, but this one isn’t horrible. I dot a few of my dark spots with concealer, swipe on my cherry red lipstick and give myself some smoky eyeshadow. “I think this is as good as I’m going to get.” I step out of the bathroom and find Casey with her hands clasped together nervously waiting. It reminds me of how my mom looked as I tried on dresses for my prom.

“You look smashing, dah-ling.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek. “One thing is missing though.” She cinches up the shirt with a hair-tie that allows the knot to sit right at my hip. “And here…” She swirls my hair up into a top knot and then tugs a few stray tendrils to frame my face. “I know you. If you aren’t comfortable then you’re going to get all wrapped up inside your head and won’t have any fun up there.”

I nod and blink fast to fight the tears back. “You’re not wrong. I am kind of feeling like this might have been the biggest mistake of my life. Maybe I should just call it off and let Nigel and all of them off the hook.”

Casey shakes her head slowly back and forth. “Nuh-uh,” she says, pulling me into a hug. “You’ve got this.” She leans back and looks me square in the eyes. “You’re not just doing it for you, you’re doing it for him.” She nods toward Carter who has fallen asleep watching his favorite alien robot cartoon. He still has the bunk’s headphones over his ears.

I bend down and give him a kiss on the forehead as I gently remove the headphones and place them back in the bin attached to his headboard “Goodnight, little man.”

I can do this.

No, I can’t do this.

I have to do this.

He’s counting on me.

My parents are counting on me.

I can do this…

I pat my back pocket to make sure I remembered to grab my phone. “If anything happens…”

“London,” she puts one hand on each of my shoulders and squares off with me, “we’re literally less than a football field away from where you’ll be, and we’ve got a team of security guards surrounding the place. Everything will be fine.”

“But if—”

She holds up one hand and cuts me off. “If anything happens then I will definitely call you and get every single person’s attention to help that I can.”

“I know, I’m an overthinker. I can’t help it.”

“I get it and I love Carter like he was my own. I’m not going to let anything happen.”

“Promise?” I narrow my eyes at her.

She crosses one arm over her chest so an open palm rests at her heart. “Promise.”

I grab a soda out of the fridge and pop it open. I gulp it down. Yes… little carbonated bubbles. You are demons from hell sent to destroy the lump in the back of my throat.

“It’s only one song, London.” Casey laughs softly, no doubt to make sure she doesn’t wake Carter. “You’re going to be fine. He’s going to be fine.”

“I realize it’s only like ten or fifteen minutes, but this is terrifying Case!”

She just laughs and lets herself fall into the sofa as she fiddles with the controller. “I just need to figure out how to turn on the TV.”

I reach over and tap the red button. “It’s usually the one labeled power.”

“Whatever,” she scoffs. “Thanks.” She scrolls through the guide and twirls one stray red curl between her fingers.

If Griffin was here, I wouldn’t be as nervous. He helps me focus on everything else, so I can forget my nerves.

Crap.

I should not be missing Griffin Miller when he has to go on stage, or at all.

This is exactly what I was afraid would happen. As soon as the bus door closed behind him the empty space on the sofa where he had been sitting and playing video games with Carter seemed so… empty. 

It was depressing.

It still is.

I watched him from the kitchen window, pretending to clean up the mess from the pizza bites he insisted we all have before the show. But really, he had already thrown away all the paper plates so there was nothing left for me to do. I wiped that counter off for at least five solid minutes, trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I watched him until he disappeared through the entrance to the venue.

“What the heck are you doing?” izy asks and jolts me back to reality.

I shake my head and scoff. “I honestly have no idea.”

“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” I sit beside her, kicking my heels off so I can tuck my legs underneath me.

She pats my knee. “He’s probably almost done with his set, then you’ll be able to talk to him before you go on.”

My mouth wrinkles up in a sideways pout. “He’ll probably be signing autographs or something.” I make a gagging noise and pretend to stick my finger down my throat.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” She goes back to scrolling through the guide.

“Whatever.”

“I saw how he looked at you and how he watches every move you make.” She laughs. “He’s got it bad, London.”

“I doubt it. I’m probably more like watching an animal at the zoo, totally outside its natural habitat.”

She rolls her eyes causing her red curls to flop over her forehead and in her face. “You’re so dramatic.”

“Maybe a little.”

“I seriously don’t think that’s it.” She gives me a sideways look. “He was a mess until you got there today.”

“What do you mean?” I feel my cheeks heating up and cringe internally, knowing they must be turning a bright shade of red.

“I got there just a little bit before you did, and he fell out of the bus because he was so nervous.” She laughs and throws her head back.

“He literally fell out?” I giggle.

“Girl, he landed on his hands and had to push himself back up off the ground.” She smiles at me. “You deserve someone that falls all over themselves for you, just like he does.”

“I’ve never really had anything like that.” I can’t hide my amusement and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the idea of Griffin Miller fawning after me. “You know his reputation, Case.” I can’t let my heart hope like that. “I honestly don’t know what to do with his kind of attention.”

“You’ll figure it out.” She winks and nudges me in the arm.

“I have to figure out how to keep this guy at arm’s length. I can’t risk falling head over heels for someone who is just going to up and leave our lives as soon as this tour is over.”

“Oh, London.” She wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me in for a big sister type hug. “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what? Protect my heart? Carter’s heart?”

She shakes her head slowly. “Don’t refuse to live your life now for fear of what may come tomorrow.”

I wipe a stray tear from my cheek. “Don’t make me cry right now! Bad timing, infinity.”

She laughs with me and hands me a tissue she just pulled from her pocket.

Knock. Knock.

“I guess Nigel is here to make me face my fears.”

“Go get ‘em.” She makes a muscle pose with her arm. “You’ve got this.”

I shove my feet back into the red heels and take a deep breath as I open the door. “Griffin…” My stomach flips even harder than it has been all night.

His eyes widen and he swallows hard as his gaze trails up my legs. He seems to appreciate the peek of skin.

“Hi,” his voice cracks on the I.

“Is everything okay?” They’ve probably realized the dumb mistake they’ve made by asking me to do this, and he’s here to break the news to me. Dream’s over. Go on home.

“I’m sorry.” He rubs his hand over the back of his neck. “I, uh… You look…”

“Oh, yeah.” I scrunch my nose together and scowl as I look down at the makeshift outfit for tonight. “I didn’t really have anything stage-worthy.”

“No.” He reaches out for my hand. “You look amazing.” He glances past me to the back of the bus. “I know it’s late. I didn’t wake up Carter, did I?”

I double-check peeking over my shoulder. “No. He’s still out. He’ll probably sleep through the night just fine. Noise doesn’t really bother him, and he loves music anyway.”

“Just like his mama.”

I can’t help but smile. He’s right. Music is life for both of us. “What are you doing here? I thought Nigel was coming to get me.”

He shifts on his feet just enough that I notice. “I remembered what you said earlier.”

“What did I say?” I don’t remember telling him to meet me here before the encore.

His smile melts away every bit of my fears as a wave of relief rushes over me. “That you weren’t really comfortable with this yet. I thought it might be nice to have someone show you the ropes.”

Despite my fears, he’s not here to take this moment away from me. He’s here to help me through it.

“Oh, right. That.” The last T pops as it rolls off my lips. I am definitely not ready to start trusting anyone else right now, least of all Mister Rockstar, but how can I resist this seemingly perfect man standing right in front of me? “I would love for you to show me the ropes.”

I wave goodbye to Casey and let the bus door lock behind me.

Why is he so good at making me feel calm? That is dangerous. He’s Griffin Miller and the list of women waiting for a chance at him is nearly endless. I could never hold his attention for more than a minute… if that. Maybe that’s enough. The sincerity of his smile and the warmth of his eyes makes me think I could resign myself to having a beautiful moment with this man, even if it is only a moment.

“Are you ready?” he asks, shaking me from my thoughts.

No.

No, I am not.

I can’t afford to let anyone have this much control over my emotions. I swallow hard, nearly choking on my doubts, but I nod and take his hand allowing him to lead me toward the stage. 

Why am I letting myself fall for Griffin Miller?

I can see it now. This is going to end in an endless supply of Oreos and a sad movie marathon so I can bawl my eyes out without shame or questions.