CHAPTER TWENTY
LONDON

The door slaps shut against the frame of the bus. “Hey, sleepy head.” Casey’s unusually chipper. Even as bubbly as she is, she’s usually a bear in the mornings.

“Why are you up so early?” I rub the leftover sleep from my eyes and perch myself on my knees to peek out the window. “What time is it?”

“About three a.m. We’re just getting back.”

“I take it you had a good time with Devon?”

The small freckles dotting her cheeks dance as she giggles and plops down in the seat across from me. “He’s so perfect, London. I think I might be falling for him.”

“I’m so happy for you, Case.” I lean across the small space and wrap her in a tight hug. “If anyone deserves happiness, it’s you.”

“But?” She pushes herself back resting her head against the paneled wall of the bus. “I hear a but.”

“No buts. I just want you to be happy.”

She cocks an eyebrow at me.

“Okay, fine. I just want you to be careful because this is a world we’re not used to, and we have no idea who Devon, or any of these other guys, really are underneath the surface.”

“Is this still about me?”

“Shut up.” I scowl and tuck my legs under my chin.

“I know you’re scared to trust anyone. It makes sense.” She rests her hand lightly on my knee. “Being lonely doesn’t mean you’re protecting your heart.”

“Of course, it does.”

“No. It hurts being lonely. How does that protect anyone?”

Why does she always have to be right?

“But listen,” she scooches next to me, “you can’t go through life being afraid to live because Nick was an asshole. He didn’t deserve you, or Carter for that matter.”

“I know.” I don’t think I ever realized how much control Nick still held over me until the last few days. “You’re right as usual, Case.” I force a smile and roll up the blanket that had been covering my legs stuffing it into the overhead compartment. “Thanks for the blanket, but I think I’m going to lie down in my bed.” I grip the back of my neck and rub. “I really hope it’s more comfortable than this sofa.”

“That wasn’t me, doll.”

“I didn’t get it out,” I say confused.

“I’m assuming it must’ve been your Rockstar Romeo then.” She gives me a sly smile before making kissy faces at me.

“You’re so annoying sometimes.”

“You love me though.” She laughs and then covers her mouth. “Sorry. Did I wake him up?”

“No.” I peek at where Carter’s still resting peacefully. “You know, Griffin thought I had woken him up earlier, he checked to make sure he was still sleeping before I could even look up.”

“Aww.” Casey puts a hand over her heart. “A man with a soft spot for kids. It doesn’t get better than that, love.”

“I know.” I really do know. It doesn’t get better than Griffin Miller. “Be still my runaway heart.”

She claps, softly, and bounces up and down in her seat. “Do you know that man was watching Christmas Romance when I got here?”

“No way.” We were picking out a movie, weren’t we? “I think I fell asleep before it ever started.”

“You were still curled up resting on his shoulder when I got here. He didn’t look like he wanted to leave you there, so I had to promise I’d help get you up and to your bed before he’d leave.”

I wrinkle my nose. “I’m not helpless.”

“We all know that. Clearly,” she waves her hand toward Carter, “you’re like the strongest woman I know. But you do deserve to be surrounded by people who care about you.”

Hmph.

“I think Griffin is quickly becoming one of those people,” she says.

I wrinkle my nose harder.

“London, give yourself permission to see where it goes. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Uh…” I make a pucker face that probably looks like a duck. “Broken hearts. Trauma. Abandonment issues.”

She rolls her eyes and fluffs the small pillow next to her. “We all already have those things anyway. I’m going to sleep. You’re going to have to do the dramatic thing on your own tonight.”

“Love you too, Case.”

“Love ya. Night.” She tucks her legs up onto the small lounge chair and curls into a fetal position.

I click on the light in the small bathroom and the face staring back at me makes me jump. “Ouch!” I rub the back of my head where I just smacked it into the towel rack.

“You okay?” Casey whisper-yells from the sofa.

“Fine.” Not fine. I lean in for a closer inspection in the mirror. Mascara smears trailing down my cheeks and smeared lipstick. I’m not even going to acknowledge the pouf of hair sticking up on the side of my head. “You could have told me I look like a troll doll when I wake up.”

“Whatever.”

I grab a makeup remover wipe and get to work on the hot mess looking back at me. How can I give myself permission to let someone close to me, and to Carter, when I have no idea how long that person will even be around?

Ninety days is enough time to catch major feelings.

It’s been one day, and I’m already missing Griffin when he’s not here.

What if Carter gets attached too? I can’t bear the thought of having to explain to Carter why Griffin isn’t around anymore after the end of the tour.

I climb in bed and pull the blanket up around my head as I try to block out the thoughts of Griffin, his warm touches, his sweet lop-sided smiles that make every nerve in my body come alive, the way he tried to protect me from being embarrassed with the new song tonight…

Everything about him screams the perfect man.Everything the media says about him screams run, girl, run.

---

Knock, knock.

“Case, what do you want?”

“It’s not Casey, Mom.” Carter’s voice pulls me awake. He’s standing beside my bed, still in his solar system pajamas with sleep in his voice. “Someone’s at the door. Casey is asleep on the couch-chair thing.”

“Here. You can have my pillow. I’ll go get the door.”

He nods and wiggles around me to claim my spot as he sinks into my pillow. He’s back to sleep before I even splash water on my eyes. I fluff the flat spot in my hair that my pillow left behind. It’s still awful. Oh well, at least it’s not the pouf it was this first-morning when Case woke me up.

Knock, knock.

“I’m coming,” I say, too soft for anyone to actually hear from the other side of the door. I’m still in my cactus shorts pajamas but everything important is covered, so I don’t worry about grabbing a robe. I open the door cautiously, peeking through the gap. I blink twice to make sure my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me before opening the door fully. “Griffin, what are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry.” His huge smile quickly shifts to a look of concern and worry as his eyebrows crash together. “Did I wake you up?”

“Kind of.” I chuckle, leaning against the door frame letting it hold me up. “Have I mentioned I’m not much of a morning person?”

He cringes and hangs his head. “I ran out to get the crew donuts this morning. I saw these and thought of you and Carter.” He holds up a white cardboard box.

“Well, how can I be mad at you for waking us up when you bring donuts? That’s the way to my heart.”

He looks a little too pleased with himself. I can’t help but notice he’s kept one hand behind his back this whole time. I wiggle my finger. “What’s going on there?”

“This?” He pulls a drink carrier from behind his back. “Coffee. I thought you could probably use one this morning. I didn’t know what kind you liked, so I got black with a couple dozen types of different creamers in the bag.” There’s a recycled paper bag poised in the center balancing treacherously on top of four drinks. “I also got Carter a chocolate milk. I took a gamble since he and I have so much in common. It was my favorite as a kid.”

“That’s his favorite, actually. Thank you.” I take the chocolate milk he’s handing me and put in the fridge for Carter when he wakes up.

Griffin is standing in the cab of the bus when I turn back around. “Do you want to have a coffee with me,” he nods toward a couple of empty picnic benches set up in the middle of the bus perimeter surrounding our little encampment, “while we wait for everyone to wake up?”

I yawn as if on command. “Sure.” I follow him across the empty parking lot that we’ve taken over since yesterday. “If anyone sees me in my cactus pajamas, I’m holding you personally accountable.”

He snickers and I catch him looking at me from the corner of his eye. “That’s fair.” He slips one leg over the bench and places the drink holder between us. I drop the donut box next to the coffees before wrangling my uncooperative hair into a top knot with a hair-tie from my wrist.

“I never understood how women do that.”

“It takes years of practice to look this good.” I make finger guns at myself and immediately feel my cheeks warm. “Sorry, I have to make things awkward or my day just wouldn’t be complete.”

He lets out a deep belly laugh and takes a drink of his coffee. “I never realized what my life was missing. Now I know.”

“It’s shameless awkwardness.”

“I think you might be right.”

“Oh, you think the awkward life is the life for you?”

“I’m definitely feeling like it is the only life for me. I could fit right in.”

“Right.” Rockstar, awkward? Whatever. The paper bag rattles as I rummage through looking for anything remotely familiar. “Why is everything in here so fancy?” I grumble.

“I’m sorry. Do you not see anything you like?”

Gah. “I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m a beast in the morning.”

“I don’t think you’re a beast at all.” His smile makes his eyes brighter. “What are you looking for?”

“Almond milk? Something not… this.” I flick through one toasted coconut and caramel macchiato after the next. “Ohh.” I pull a purple and white container from the bag. “Victory!”

“Woo!” He gives me a high-five like the dork that he is. “I’m glad I don’t have to go back there and give them a piece of my mind.”

I dump the little pod out into my coffee, inhaling the glorious beauty that is caffeine and coffee beans mixed with Griffin’s cologne. The combination makes me forget my own name for a second. I’m sure it’s everything unhealthy that I should avoid… in every possible sense.

“Today’s our unofficial day off,” he says nonchalantly resting his very tattooed arms on the tabletop. “What do you plan on doing today?”

“I don’t think I even thought about it,” I answer, honestly. “What do you do on your days off?”

He grimaces and shakes his head. “The same thing we do every day.”

“What’s that?” I ask, taking another sip of caffeinated perfection in a cup.

“Being on the road is kind of militant, in a way.” He shrugs and nods toward the workout area set up in the back quarter of the parking lot. “We get up at the same time every day and work out for at least two hours.”

“Two hours, everyday?”

“Yeah. Staying fit is pretty important with the amount of energy we have to expend almost every night on stage.”

“I can see where that would be helpful.” I flick the lid to the donut box open and my mouth gapes. Not because they are absolutely the most amazing looking donuts I’ve ever seen in my life, but because they’re completely thoughtful. It’s clear he’s been paying attention. There’s a mix of blueberry cheesecake and transforming robot donuts with both the good guys and the villains. “How did you—”

“You said you liked blueberry when we were getting the stuff for your smoothies, and I saw Carter mulling over the robot cupcakes.”

“That was really thoughtful, Griffin.” I grab a blueberry donut. “Thank you.”

He nods and sips his coffee.

“So, Mister Rockstar,” I say with a half mouthful of blueberry heaven, “what do you do after your morning Iron Man routines?”

“Hardly Iron Man.” he snorts. “I don’t know. We usually spend the rest of the day playing video games to pass the time because it’s effing hard to play a guitar while the bus is moving.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of… boring.”

“You’re trying to convince me that rockstar life is boring?”

He nods and shrugs his shoulders. “It is what it is, you know? It doesn’t seem so boring anymore though.” He glances at me and quickly clears his throat. “Have you decided what you’ll do today?”

“Well, I’m thinking I might take Carter into town to get some clothes. He had a growth spurt two days ago and I hadn’t had a chance to get to the store before we left.”

“I think I saw a mall just a few miles back.”

“Yeah, I noticed that when we passed by yesterday. I might need to call an Uber.”

He shakes his head. “No way. Nigel can have a driver pick you guys up. The Machine vets their drivers really hard before approving them. It’s much safer.”

“I’ve used Uber for a while.”

“I know, but we have to make sure you and Carter stay safe.”

I feel my face pull down as I frown at him. “I’ve always kept us safe.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know it’s not.” I can’t be mad. He’s not trying to be difficult. He’s just trying to make sure my son and I are safe and have the best. How can I even be upset at that? “Anyway, I need something I feel comfortable in while on stage.”

He looks thoroughly confused now. “What do you mean? You looked amazing last night.”

“Thank you, but I didn’t feel amazing. “

His eyebrows pinch together in concern. “Why don’t you feel amazing?”

“Oh,” I wave my hand, “it’s not like that. I just want to feel like I look the part and don’t stand out, like a sore thumb, up there next to you guys.”

“If anything, you stick out because you’re so far out of our league, London. It’s not even funny.”

“Whatever.” I take a sip of coffee to hide the fact that I’m blushing from his compliment. Several male voices are yelling at each other from the far corner of the lot. “What’s going on over there?” I ask, nodding to where Devon is jogging between two busses and disappears on the other side.

“Probably just press or fans trying to sneak in for pictures of the girl in her cactus pajamas.”

I kick him under the table. Hard. My toe cracks on impact.

He grabs his shin and groans, which is a bunch of crap because I don’t have shoes on. I know that hurt me worse than it did him. “What was that for?” he squeaks.

“You have me sitting out here in my pajamas, which happen to be frayed at the hem because they’re my favorites and I’ve obviously worn them at least one too many times and…” I gasp, “My morning hair top knot?” My hands shoot up to where my hair is piled on my head. “I can’t even do this with you right now.”

He’s laughing hysterically while still massaging his shin.

“I should kick you again for laughing at my misery, Mister Rockstar.”

“I’m sorry.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “For what it’s worth, I think you look hot.”

I whack him with the bag full of creamers.

“What’d I do this time?”

“Don’t make fun of me. This is really not cool.” And my toe is throbbing, but it’s my own fault. Every insecurity I’ve ever had boils to the surface in all of about ten seconds. I rub my temples and try to remember how to breathe.

“So, while you’re getting new rockstar clothes, will that include new rockstar pajamas?”

That’s it.

“Don’t worry, London.” He’s still laughing. “That’s why the busses park like this lining the fences.” He makes a gesture taking in the whole parking area. “They block the entire perimeter. No one can see you that doesn’t already have access to this side of the fence.”

“I still don’t like it,” I say as I hear a shutter click coming from just the other side of the band’s bus. “Great. The paparazzi? Really?”

“That’s actually Jess.”

I scowl at him and take another swig of my coffee. “Who’s Jess?”

His lips twist into a funny looking knot of hesitation. “She’s the v-logger who Nigel offered first rights to.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means she gets access before anyone else, but if she’s in the camp then that means the rest of them will be in here soon.”

I gulp down the rest of my coffee. “Sounds like a great time to go back to the bus and try to make myself presentable for the rest of the day.”