CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
AINSLEY

The metallic clang of the door to the prison’s visitation area doesn’t make me jump this time. It’s just a door closing, so another can open. As I wait for my sister, I think back to last night and the time I’ve spent with Nash over the last few days. He’s special and I’ve been taking that for granted. I can’t let myself keep running, or hiding, from the one thing in my life that I know is one hundred percent right. Him. The look in his eyes last night when he said he was willing to go back to the way it was before, told me more about the man he is than anything else. He would hurt himself to make me more comfortable. I can’t let him do that. I’ve been selfish and single focused.

I’ve known that, but I’ve ignored what it actually meant. Just as I’m realizing how close I might be to losing him, my sister comes into view as she takes the seat on the other side of the visitation box. I reach to pick up the receiver beside me, pausing as I hold it to my ear, realizing everything I came here to say just went out the window. “Hi, Lexi,” I say, as she picks her end up.

“Hi, sis,” she says with a smirk. “This might be the last time we have to meet like this.”

“If we meet at all, right?”

“What’s that mean?”

I let out a loud huff into the phone’s receiver that sends the loud rush of air right back through the phone and into my own ear. “You’re the one who doesn’t want me to be part of your reentry.”

“Oh. You’re still on that,” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

“No, actually,” I admit, surprising myself. “I don’t think I am. I came here to tell you how much you were hurting me by shutting me out and how unfair it is that you blame me for getting locked up, but somewhere around five minutes ago I realized none of that matters. If you don’t want me in your life when you get out, then I’ll leave you alone. It’s your life and you have to live it how you want.”

Her expression changes slowly from amusement to sadness. “Ainsley…”

My hand rests in front of the glass, signaling her to stop. “I don’t want explanations or apologies. I just wanted you to know, I accept your decision even if I don’t like it.”

“It’s not what you think.”

“What isn’t?”

“The reason I want you to stay out of my reentry.”

Sigh. Here we go again… “Then what is it?”

“You said Stone is showing up again, right?”

I nod.

“The less you know, the less you can tell him.”

How can she think I’d tell him anything? “I wouldn’t tell him where you were if he tortured me.”

“And that’s exactly what cannot happen. Don’t you get it?”

I hold my hands out to my sides. “Obviously, not.”

“If you don’t know, then he’ll get bored with your answers. He’ll be able to tell if you’re hiding something, or if you really don’t know. If you don’t give him any information, then he’ll move on to his next target.” Her eyes flash with pain. “I’m only keeping you out of it to protect you, not to hurt you.”

“I’m the older sister. I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting you!”

She nods with a slight smile on her face. “Maybe that’s the problem. As long as you’re protecting me, then I can’t grow and learn to stand on my own. I don’t want to shut you out. I just need you to trust me and let me do this, so I know I can.”

My nostrils burn and the corners of my eyes sting. “You don’t have to do any of it alone.”

“But I need to.” She lets out a heavy sigh. “If I don’t, then I won’t believe in my own strength when I’m tempted to fall back into the addiction and the cycle could start all over again. My counselor said I need to be confident in my strength for every step of this process. I might slip, but if I do, I need to know I can get back up and keep going.”

“I’ll be here for you whether or not you slip,” I remind her.

She nods and whispers into the phone, “I know.”

The bell dings overhead, signaling it’s time for the room to clear out, so they can sanitize it for the next batch of visitors and inmates.

“I love you, Lexi. I’ll be here when you’re ready for me,” I say as I pull the phone away from my ear and hang it back up on the makeshift wall.

She smiles and mouths, I love you, too through the window.

As I make my way through the parking lot, I glance up with my focus landing on the parking spot Nash was waiting in last time. My heart jumps in my chest at the memory of how attentive he was the second he saw how much pain I was in.

I hate the way I’ve acted since then. Hot and cold, back and forth. It’s a miracle if he’ll still talk to me. My heart wants to run to him and never let him go, just like Mari and Kyle said I should. That same feeling of teetering over the edge of a cliff returns. It’s the same feeling every single time I think about him, his smile, his eyes, his arms wrapping around me…What if I trust my heart and it’s as big of an idiot as I always thought it was? What if he’s the man I believe him to be? How could I live with myself if I let him think I don’t love him back? If I can trust Lexi, then I can trust myself—and my heart—to fall in love with Nash Miller.

---

When I step inside Amaryllis Studios, it feels like I’m coming home for the first time. The music playing overhead isn’t theirs, but I recognize the song. It’s one I heard them playing before the live performance to get them in the right headspace. Nash said it was one of his favorites. “Hi there,” a bubbly voice says from behind the reception desk.

“Hi, Mira,” I say as she pops the headset off and lays it on the desk. “It’s good to see you. Are you here for Carly?” she asks, leaning across the desktop for a Hollywood style hug. My nerves clinch in my stomach as chill bumps sprout up all over my body. “Actually,” I say, clearing my throat. “I’m here for Nash.”

Her eyes flash with a knowing glimmer as she gives me a wink. “I’ll tell him you’re here.”

When you know you know, what can I say? I reach out, grabbing her arm before she can run off to let him know I’m here. “Is he busy?”

She points down the corridor marked Studio Alley. “He’s on a video call with the contractors, but he’d want me to let him know you’re waiting.”

Hmm. That complicates things. “I don’t want to interrupt him. Is there somewhere I can just wait until he’s finished?”

Her eyebrows smoosh together in the center of her forehead. “You can wait over there, if you want,” she says, pointing toward a row of white leather chairs. “It shouldn’t be much longer.”

“Okay, great.” I nod and make my way over to the chairs. My leg bounces up and down as I fight the nerves raging inside me. I put my hand on top of my knee and try to force it to stay in place. It doesn’t work. Just as I’m wondering if I should’ve just asked to meet him after work, I hear a door at the end of Studio Alley slam shut and heavy footsteps making their way up the corridor.

“Mari!” Nash’s voice booms through the building as he rushes towards the desk where Mari looks like he just scared the daylights out of her. Her hand is still gripping her chest as she spins around in her chair. “Sorry,” he says, gritting his teeth together. “Can you help me with something?”

She nods. “Sure thing, boss.” I’m sure she thinks she’s sly, but I caught the way she tilted her head in my direction, so he’d look my way. He’s so distracted by whatever issue is bothering him he didn’t notice it though. “The potential investors are asking for stats on music and cognitive development in early childhood. Can you—”

“That’s something I might be able to help with,” I say, waving awkwardly from my seat in the corner.

“Ainsley?” he says my name, shaking his head like he’s not sure what to think. I don’t blame him. It’s not like me to just show up out of the blue. “What are you doing here?”

My chest tightens. Why am I here? I ask myself. “I wanted to talk to you about last night, but it sounds like there might be something more important on your plate right now.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not more important. I’m glad you’re here, I’m just confused,” he admits.

“Let’s start with what you need for your investors.”

His eyes clear as he snaps back into business mode. “They want to know the effects of music on cognitive development during early childhood,” he explains, again.

“Are they asking about listening to, or creating music? Both activities, while linked, have different effects and impact different parts of the brain.”

“Uh,” he says with a slight grimace. “I’m not sure, let’s just go with both.”

I pull out my phone and pull up some peer-reviewed articles I have saved in a cloud directory and forward the links to him. “There you go,” I say as his phone dings from his back pocket. “Those should give them more than enough information to help guide their decision.” I refrain from asking him any more questions right now, since he’s obviously working on some deal for his tutoring business. I make a mental note to ask him when he’s not so busy. As I go to sit back down to continue waiting for him to finish his meeting, he grabs my hand and turns me back around to face him. “Come on!” He leads me down the hall and into his studio. “I might need to pass some questions to you, if I can’t answer them right off the bat.”

I nod as he reaches out to unmute the microphone on his computer. “Thanks for waiting, guys. My…” He turns back and glances at me with an apologetic look before turning back to the microphone. “My advisor on medical sciences as it relates to music for cognitive development was just in the other room, so I asked her to join us. This is Ainsley Meyer; she leads the nursing administration team at our local hospital and works as an R.N. Her early studies were in family medicine and early childhood development, so she’s well educated on the subject.”

I try to keep my shock from taking over my expression as I listen to his naming off my qualifications like a checklist. He’s been paying attention. That’s a refreshing, but slightly uncomfortable change. I’m not used to being the center of anyone’s focus, least of all the men I’ve been with. I could get used to being the center of his attention though… “Hello, gentlemen,” I say, taking the seat beside Nash that he’s gesturing for me to sit in.

“Thank you for joining us, Miss Meyer. My name is Alan Downs and I’m considering investing a significant amount of money and resources into this project of Nash’s.”

“I’m sure you already know that anything he’s already investing himself in, is a wise investment of your resources.” He tries to hide it with his hand, but I see the smile that put on his face.

I want him to know I see him. I know his heart and I’ve been an idiot.

“Indeed,” Mister Downs says. “Do you believe his curriculum can improve upon the current traditional curriculums in early childhood education?”

I swallow hard and clear my throat, trying to find the words to dance around this question, then I realize I don’t need to dance around it. “Nash has firsthand experience in the therapeutic effects of music. If anyone can put together a curriculum to help others grow and expand beyond their current state, it’s him.”

“Is that a, yes?”

“It’s a definitive yes, sir,” I answer.

He rocks back in his chair with his hands steepled under his chin. “Nash, I love what you presented today.”

“But?” Nash asks, crooking an eyebrow at the screen.

“But I can’t make a decision like this without discussing it with my financial advisors.”

Nash nods. “I understand.” The men on the other side of the screen might not have heard it, but I heard how his tone shifted.

“I’ll let you know something by the end of next week,” he says, tapping the screen, causing the camera feed to turn blue.

“I guess we’ll know something next week,” Nash snorts with a shrug.

“What was all that about?” I wiggle my finger in front of the computer screen.

“It’s what I wanted to talk to you about last night, before your sister called.”

Sigh. “I’m so sorry for that.”

He shakes his head. “It’s no big deal. I’m just trying to put together a music academy where every child can have access.”

“You’re what?”

“There are kids in the world who need the arts as something to cling to. Sometimes that’s all that keeps kids like me, like Adair, like…”

“My sister?”

He nods. “Having something to work for and to express ourselves with helps keeps us all on the right path and by partnering only with the local school system I’m limited on how many kids I can help. I don’t like having limits on how many little lives I can help change for the better.”

“Will this be an expansion of the virtual academy?”

“Kind of. If he invests, then I’ll be able to set one up in every state. Travis’s attorney has already helped me file the documents to get the approval process started for this to be an after-school program; so, kids can get extra credit when they excel in the program and use that to help boost their motivation and self-esteem. Those two things alone can help keep kids from falling into the wrong crowds.”

“A non-profit?”

He nods. “We’re working on a zero-tuition fee plan that would allow everyone to have access regardless of their status and paycheck, the attorney is working on grants and a donation plan; but all of that aside…” He drags his hands down the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for dragging into that without tell—”

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his face to mine, letting my lips crash into his. He doesn’t wait or hold back as his mouth moves against mine. “What’s… going… on?” he asks, between kisses.

I giggle with my mouth still resting against his, letting myself breathe in his cologne mixed with the scent of his after shave, lingering in the taste of his lips. “I was wrong.”

“About what?”

“Everything,” I admit. “I tried to pretend away how I feel about you. I tried to block it out because I was afraid. But the truth is, I can’t be anything other than in love with you.”

His mouth locks onto mine again. This time with a softness and a tenderness that makes me weak, like I’m melting into his arms as he pulls me closer to him. He leans back and locks his gaze with mine. “I would love nothing more than to have you in my life until death do us part,” he whispers leaning forward so his breath brushes against the sensitive skin just behind my ear.

“I like the sound of that,” I say, leaving a soft kiss on his neck. “Maybe we should start with a date first, though,” I tease, wrapping my fingers in his hair.

“Right,” he moans into my ear as I leave soft kisses along his jawline, then down his neck. “A date. How’s tonight?”

“Perfect.”

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