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CHAPTER ONE
CASH

I didn’t know how homesick I’d been until I stepped off the plane and met my father at the entrance of the airport. It seemed like all the air had been sucked out of the room and my chest felt tight as I caught sight of him, standing there, beaming with pride. I hadn’t been home in five years and it wasn’t until I saw him that the passing of time became something real to me.

“It’s good to see you, Dad,” I murmured as he embraced me, something thick and tight in my throat as I felt the warmth of his embrace.

“It’s good to see you too, son. You got everything?” Dad asked in his simple way, a man of few words.

I thought I heard someone shouting my name and looked over my shoulder. I knew I’d see someone with a camera, ready to snap a picture of me before they rushed up to talk to me like we were old friends. I cringed at my own behavior when all I saw were two people embracing as though they’d been apart for years. Fame came with a price.

“Son? You okay?” Dad asked, worry in his voice.

I looked around the busy airport and nodded, glad that there were no reporters or fans nearby to ruin this reunion. I’d managed to stay low-profile in the airports, despite my world-wide fame as a country music star. I hadn’t wanted to subject my family to the nonsense that plagued me in Los Angeles and other places, so I’d had my personal assistant book me a flight under the name of my company, not my personal name.

“Let’s get you home then. Your mom’s waiting for you,” Dad grabbed the suitcase I’d brought with built-in wheels and pushed it out for me. He ushered me to the car and we drove in silence for a while. I thought about all the changes that had happened, all the time that had passed since I had last been home. I had never met my sisters’ kids, I had only talked to them on messenger calls, or through text. I wonder if Mom had changed more than I realized, too?

I studied Dad as we left the airport, noting that there was gray in his hair now, a lot of it too. That hadn’t been there when I’d left Tender Hills. I noticed as we pulled out of the airport in Crossroads that a lot had changed since I was here last.

I wasn’t the same person I’d been five years ago when Larry Sanders, a hotshot producer, discovered me singing in a bar in Crossroads. My entire life had changed since that day, and that was one of the reasons I was home.

I had a serious case of imposter syndrome going on, despite the tour, despite the fans, despite my big fat bank account. I felt like my success was a fluke, and something that I couldn’t repeat, despite the contract I’d signed that said I would.

Sure, I’d come home to see my family, but one of the main reasons I was back was that I couldn’t write anything in LA. Between the constant overtures to party and to promote myself as an artist, the atmosphere out there just wasn’t right for a country music star.

Tender Hills and Colorado itself might just be the cure for that. Or I hoped it would be. Maybe some time with my family, in the place where I had roots would inspire me to write some new material. Tender Hills was a safe place, in my mind, a place with a real Main Street with all the little shops and one grocery store. With a population of around 4,796 people, it really was a small town.

“That’s new, what is it?” I asked as Dad drove through Main Street, pointing at a glitzy glass and metal building that hadn’t been there when I left Colorado to become a star.

“It’s some lawyer’s office. Defense lawyers I think. Ambulance chasers, maybe.” Dad shrugged as he put on the indicator to turn left at the light, five minutes away from the house I’d grown up in.

“Oh, I see,” I hummed a little over that and then saw something I hadn’t expected, a huge neon sign. “Is that a fast food place?”

“Yeah, it opened a couple of months back. It’s not bad if you want to clog your arteries.” Dad didn’t sound impressed. Maybe I’d give the place a miss.

“Even though it’s all familiar, it seems like everything has changed,” I said, the quiet inside the car getting to me.

“That’s what happens when you leave for five years,” Dad answered, his voice gruff with emotion. “But you look just the same. Wearing fancier duds, maybe, and that hat is new, but still my boy.”

We both laughed softly, and I looked in the glass of the window on my side of the car. My dark blond hair had grown a little too long, but I’d been too busy to get it cut before my flight. The cowboy hat I wore cost more than my first car had run me, but it shaded my face and, pulled low, concealed my identity.

My dad could sense my emotions and he reached over and put his hand on my shoulder.

“It’ll be alright, son,” he said, his voice full of hope.

I nodded, not sure what to say and feeling a little too out of place when I shouldn’t.

We arrived at the house and I was overwhelmed with how much I had missed the place. It was just as I remembered it on the outside, down to the smallest detail. I was hit with the reminder of all the memories I had made here, the highs and the lows, the family dinners and the nights of playing board games with the family or watching movies together.

Mom stood in the wide concrete driveway to the two story brick house that my parents bought when they first got married. I saw her blond hair gleaming in the sunlight, a lot shorter than it once was, and grinned when I caught the smile on her face. She nearly tore the door off the car to get to me and launched herself into my arms just as I stood up.

“Mom!” I gasped as she squeezed my ribs so hard I nearly squeaked. “I’ve got plenty of hugs for you, you don’t have to get them all in at once.”

“There’s never enough hugs for me, young man,” Mom said with mock severity, but I saw the sparkle of tears of joy in her eyes.

“I’ve always got hugs for you, Mom,” I told her and hugged her close again. She seemed…smaller, more fragile than she had when I’d left, not knowing that it would be years before I saw her again. Her eyes drifted down to the necklace I wore, a gold guitar charm she’d bought me before I left to go live in Crossroads.

“You’ve still got it?” She asked, her voice thick with tears.

“I wear it every day, Mom. Every day.” I hugged her tight again before I let her go.

“Come on in the house, I’ve made your favorite,” Mom said, gently guiding me into the house that bore a lot of memories for me. Could any of those memories become a song, I wondered as I stepped into the front door?

It smelled the same inside, of the green apple scented candles Mom preferred, but there were changes. The walls of the spacious living room were papered in emerald green now, rather than the white with blue-bonnet wearing ducks marching along the walls that I remember. The kitchen was exactly the same, there were just new pictures of babies on every wall in the room.

I felt like I was an outsider looking in, so much it made my head spin.

“We thought you’d want a quiet night tonight, so we’ll have a barbecue this weekend, and the girls will be over with the kids then.” Dad said as he walked up behind me, his footsteps so quiet I hadn’t known he was there.

“A lot of our friends, and yours, want to come over too, so we thought a barbecue would be the best thing to do.” Mom said, going to the stove.

Great, more nosy people judging me and trying to find out my secrets to post on TikTok or sell to the media. I’d learned some hard lessons about who my real friends were in the last five years and the thought of meeting new people, and even some of my family, put me on edge. Not exactly the quiet time at home I’d imagined, but I’d do it, for Mom and Dad’s sake.

“Oh, cool,” I murmured, though it wasn’t. Dad and I sat at the table quietly while Mom stirred something in a pot.

I couldn’t for the life of me think of what Mom thought my favorite meal was. Back in my world, my staff would produce oysters or lobsters for me but I doubted Mom would do that. I’d missed simple, home cooked meals the last few years, so anything she’d made would be great, really.

The pot of homemade tomato soup and the plate loaded down with toasted cheese sandwiches was exactly what I didn’t know I wanted most. “Oh man, Mom, that looks so good.”

Mom beamed over my compliment and looked at her own bowl of soup with pride. It was nice, that moment between us, and I regretted that I’d missed similar moments with both of them over the last few years.

The hours passed as we all talked about the places I’d been, the people I’d met, and what life was like in LA. I preferred Nashville, but my record label wanted me in LA, so that’s where I lived most of the year, when I wasn’t touring. I didn’t mind showing Mom my pictures that I didn’t post to my social media, or telling Dad about how awesome Scotland and Japan were, they didn’t judge me as anything more than their successful son.

It was the rest of the world that made me feel like a failure as they waited for my next album. That feeling grew worse an hour later. I got a call just as I was dropping into bed in my old room, at last.

“Rhonda? What’s up?” I asked as I answered the call from my manager.

“You’ve gone home?” She asked, sounding tense.

“Yeah, I need some downtime, why?” I rolled my eyes and stared up at the familiar, yet somehow strange, stucco ceiling.

“Well, you have a month to finish your next album, Cash. It was in the contract that it’s due in exactly 30 days and you haven’t even been in a recording studio. If you don’t get it finished in time, you’ll breach the contract and you can’t work with anyone else. That’s in the fine print I bet you didn’t read.”

Dangit, she had me there. I didn’t read the fine print. “A month? I’ll see what I can do.”

I thought I had months to get that album done. Suddenly, the weight of the world settled on my shoulders and I almost wished I’d never set eyes on Larry Sanders. Almost.

CHAPTER TWO
BRENDA

“Mom, please stop hovering,” I sighed as Mom pulled at the pillow behind me on the couch. They’d bought this couch when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer at the tender age of 18, six long years ago. Mom had insisted that I needed a comfortable couch to rest on. Her hovering and helicopter parenting was her way of coping, even if it drove me crazy sometimes.

I’d been in remission for over a year now, but still, habits are hard to break. That’s why I’m at their house on a Friday night, for our weekly meal together, rather than out with my best friend Stacey. That’s, also, why I put up with my mother’s relentless questioning and prodding.

“Have you taken your vitamins today?” Mom asked, instead of listening to me. She was very good at ignoring what she didn’t want to hear.

“Mom, please. I’m a grown woman, I can remember to take my medicine on my own, you know? I’m also getting plenty of rest and eating well. I’m fine. I promise.” I took Mom’s hands as she moved to plump up the pillow one last time. “Mom. I’m fine. Sit down, please.”

I used my best teacher to a naughty student voice and felt a small, guilty, twinge of satisfaction when it worked to make my mother breathe a sigh of relief. When you’re a first grade teacher you learn to deal with unruly, stubborn personalities and Mom might just be the most stubborn person I’d ever met.

“Well, you need to take care of yourself, you know,” she said, brushing a strand of gray-streaked blond hair behind her ear. She might insist I take care of myself, but the gray roots showing at the top of her head, and the dry skin on her forehead told me she wasn’t taking her own advice.

Most of this was all because I’d insisted on getting my own apartment when I first took on my teaching job. Having me a few miles down the road, instead of in her home, made my mother nervous. She couldn’t watch me like a hawk anymore. She’d never been this way with my brother, Sam, but then, he’d never been diagnosed with cancer either.

“Millie, leave Brenda alone, honey. You’re going to make her run screaming from the house if you keep on and we haven’t even had dinner yet.” My father, James, said with visible annoyance. He tried, bless him, but even he lost patience with her fluttering around me all the time.

“Oh, my chicken!” Mom squeaked, then ran out of the living room into the kitchen. Dad smiled over at me apologetically and shook his head.

“She means well, honey,” he said, by way of an apology.

“I know, Dad, it’s just hard to deal with some days. And today was a whopper. One of my kids decided to smear watercolor paint all over himself while another one came to school with stomach flu. I think you can guess how that went,” I gave a heavy sigh, but it was tempered with a tired smile.

“You make me proud, even on the days when you have to clean up after sick kids. You’re teaching tomorrow’s leaders.” Dad said, though he’d said it dozens of times since I first got my teaching license, after a grueling study course and a state exam I’d been certain I’d fail. My student teacher days were far behind me, though, and I was on my way to earning teacher of the year at the school.

I’d earned that nomination, which made me very proud. The nomination wasn’t mine simply because I was a cancer survivor, either, it was because I’d made a mark in my school. Even if I didn’t win the honor, I was still nominated, and that meant a lot to me.

“Thanks, Dad. At least I have the next two days off,” I replied, even if I’d spend the weekend going over my lesson plan for the next week. “Is it the usual roast chicken with vegetables?”

“It is. But it’s all organic and free of all those harmful chemicals that battery-raised chickens are fed. Hormones or whatever. That chicken is so organic she got it from a local farmer ten miles down the road. She drove down there this morning to pick it up.” Dad frowned a little, but then chased away the darkness with a smile. “She only wants what’s best for you.”

“I know, Dad.” I answered, just as Mom came back in. I felt I should try to calm her down a little bit. “Mom, um, Dad says you went out of your way to buy an organic chicken for dinner. You know store-bought chickens are fine, right?”

“No, those are awful, honey. I read an article online about how they’re fed growth hormones and there’s all those chemicals. It’s all that nonsense that’s causing people to have all these different kinds of cancers now, all the pollution in the air and the food they eat.” Mom nodded as she spoke, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes. She’d been in those fringe chat rooms online again.

All I could do was give a heavy sigh. Cancer had been around long before chickens were ever given growth hormones, but I knew Mom wouldn’t see sense, even if I tried to argue with her. I wanted to have a pleasant evening, so I let it go.

Dad, acting as the buffer he’d always been between Mom and I, suggested that he pour us all a nice glass of apple cider, leftovers from his harvest last fall. “Has it turned to pure booze now?”

Dad turned back to catch my grin and gave a wheeze of a laugh before he brushed the blond hair that matched my mom’s out of my face. “This batch isn’t so strong. You’ll be alright with it.”

“Alright, I’d love a glass.” I said, but Dad paused, his blue eyes going somewhere far away as he looked at my hair, down past my shoulders, finally. I knew what he was seeing, me three years ago with no hair at all, still fighting for my life. “My little trooper.”

I squeezed at the hand he’d held out to me, and we all went to the kitchen. I set the table while Dad poured the drinks and Mom put the food into serving bowls. Dad had always been the one that treated me like I was normal, even when I wasn’t, and I loved him dearly for it.

“So, how are the other kids in your class, Bren?” Dad asked, just as Mom was about to speak up about something, no doubt another lecture about cancer-causing foods.

“Oh, they’re all great, Dad. Amazing, actually. You remember me telling you about Mikey? He painted me a picture with a beautiful rainbow and some flowers now that spring has arrived. It’s on my fridge at home.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet, Bren,” Mom said and I breathed a sigh of relief. Dad had done his job well. “And how is little Mary? Has her arm healed up after that fall she had at the park?”

“No, she’s still got her cast on Mom, but I think it comes off next week. I caught her using the cast as a hammer last Tuesday, out on the playground, so it must not hurt anymore.” I gave a slight eye roll as Mom handed me a bowl of roasted vegetables. “She’s something else, I tell you.”

“All of your kids sound so lovely, Bren, I’m so happy about that.” Mom handed me the roast chicken she’d sliced onto a serving platter and I put some on my plate. I hummed in response and popped a roasted carrot into my mouth so I wouldn’t have to respond.

Her joy at my ‘easy’ classroom could be hard work to maintain. I hadn’t told her about the little boy that kept kicking the other students in the leg, or about how I was worried one of my students was going to electrocute herself if she kept sticking things in the plug sockets around the classroom. Things like paintbrushes and the ends of the safety scissors. It wouldn’t do for Mom to worry about that stuff.

Later, after I’d helped Mom wash up the dishes and said goodbye, Dad walked me out to my car.

“I’m trying to work on your mom being a little less, overbearing, shall we say?” Dad said with a wince and a look over his shoulder to make sure Mom hadn’t snuck up behind him. “She’s just scared, you know? We nearly lost you.”

“I know, Dad,” I said, going in for a hug. “But they got all of my cancer. The doctor said I’m in full remission and it’s been over a year. I’ve got my maintenance medicine and I take it every day. I’m good to go, I just need to be careful and aware in the future. I’m one of the lucky ones.”

I didn’t say that luck came with a whole lot of survivor’s guilt that I would never talk about with them.

“I know, honey,” Dad said, holding me tight in his arms. It was only in Dad’s hugs that he really showed just how terrified he’d been for me. Normally, he put on a brave face and stood ready for battle, but in those hugs, I felt how desperately he’d wanted me to hang on.

The problem is, I had. I’d hung on, I’d beaten cancer. Now, I owed it to all of those that didn’t make it, to have the best life I possibly could for myself.

“I’m working on it with her, she’ll get over it one day.”

“I know, Dad, thanks,” I said and pulled away. “I’ll see you soon.”

I stepped into the car then and waved as I pulled away. Dad had said Mom would get over her need to protect me one day. I wasn’t so sure about that, but a girl can live in hope, right?

CHAPTER THREE
CASH

“What are you going to do this morning, Cash? Your father and I need to run to the store for a few things for the barbecue tonight,” Mom asked as I washed up the dishes from breakfast at the sink.

That was such a ‘normal person’, unusual thing for me now that I found it fascinating to wash my own dishes. Why didn’t I do this at my own home in LA? Oh, right, because I have a maid. “Um, I’m not sure yet, Mom. If I can borrow one of the cars, I might take a drive out, just to see how much everything’s changed.”

“Take the Pontiac, the keys are on the hanger by the door,” Mom replied, leaving the kitchen as I wiped my hands on a towel and looked at what I’d done with something that felt almost foreign: pride.

Things really had changed for me.

A little over 20 minutes later, I was sitting on the bleachers at the baseball field of my old high school. I had on a pair of jeans from a brand most people in this town had never heard of, with a shirt on that cost more than I’d earned on very first paycheck, with a baseball cap on and a pair of aviator glasses that both wore designer insignias that screamed pretentious, though I hadn’t realized that until right now.

I’d written some of my best songs at this baseball field, back in the day, before I got my first record deal and became famous. Those had been songs driven by teenage hormones and dreams I thought I’d never achieve. I’d still written those songs, a notepad on one side, my second-hand guitar in my lap.

That old guitar was on a wall, back in LA, a symbol that I wasn’t that kid anymore. It was funny how that came to me now, sitting on those bleachers. I’d been so sure I’d be a star, but unsure of how to do it. When the big time came for me, I’d risen to the occasion and shown the world what I was made of. I’d even dated a girl from TV I’d had a crush on when we were both in high school, though she’d been famous then unlike me.

A sweeping glance around that baseball diamond reminded me of why I couldn’t find my center. I wasn’t that kid anymore. My notepad was now an expensive tablet and my guitar had cost me more than some people’s houses. I had it all, what else did I have to write about?

My meditation teacher back in LA had taught me how to meditate, find my center, and release stress, though I hadn’t quite mastered that whole stress releasing thing yet. The guru as I called her was my manager’s idea. I wouldn’t have ever considered hiring someone to teach me what the guru taught me, but I found myself using those exercises now, reaching for a song, anything that would save me from the fate that waited for me if I didn’t get this album started.

I strummed the guitar, holding my fingers down on strings, plucking at others with my other hand. Nothing came to mind and I found myself picking out the chords to an old song of mine, still one of my favorites. The notes rang out across the baseball field, and I could remember the old times like they were yesterday.

I was so lost in those memories that when I heard a familiar voice, I thought it was just the past calling out to me. It was only when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up into a face I used to know as well as my own that I realized that voice was real. “Tad?”

“Cash, man! What are you doing here?” Tad asked, a little older, a little wider than I remembered my former best friend. He hadn’t aged at all in my memory, so it was a shock to see him as he really was. That was happening a lot since I came home.

“I’m the baseball coach now. I came out to get ready for practice and heard the guitar. I knew it was you when I heard that sound. How are you doing?” Tad seemed surprised, excited, and maybe a little reserved. We’d lost touch with each other over the years, and all of those good times had slipped away as I found new, fake people to pal around with. People that didn’t expect the goofy kid I used to be, but wanted me to be a sex symbol.

“That sounds great, Tad, really. I’m proud of you man.” I slapped a hand on his shoulder as he sat down with me and looked out over the field.

“Not so bad for the local screw up, huh? Who’d have guessed that the kid that couldn’t wait to get away from this school the most would end up working here?” Tad’s voice held a note of laughter and wistfulness, something that made me uncomfortable because I was the kid that got out of town. “Hey, I’m free this evening, you want to go for a beer later? Catch up and talk about old times?”

I knew Mom and Dad had the barbecue planned for later, but I’m a people pleaser at heart. I couldn’t tell my old friend no. “Yeah, sure. After practice maybe?”

That would give me time to get home for the other activity I didn’t want to take part in.

“Great man, I got to go set up, stay and watch the practice if you want. You could even give the kids some pointers, if you want to. We were on the all star team in high school, after all. If not, I’ll come find you when it’s over.” Tad got up then and I could see the smile on his face. He was happy, so that was a relief.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll come down with you.” I said, pulling the baseball cap lower on my forehead. Tad’s mom used to be like my second mom, and she always gave me the best treats from her shop. I should go by there at some point, to say hi to her. “How’s your mom doing?”

“She’s great, still running Sweet Cream & Custard. Still talks about you all the time.” Tad said as we walked down to the field. “This is going to be just like old times. Man, I’m glad you came by here this morning.”

Doubt crept in as I walked behind Tad, seeing the teenagers streaming towards home base, their equipment all in bags slung over their shoulders. Did he just want to show off to these kids, show them that he knew someone famous, or did he really just want me to give the kids some help?

“Good morning, boys. I’d like you to meet Cash Saunders. We’re old pals from high school and he’s back home for a visit. We were on the all star team, back in the day, and I thought he could help us out a little today.”

“Cash Saunders? The Cash Saunders? The guy I bump in my truck every single day? No way,” a tall kid with light blond hair and that quality that screamed he’d peak in high school came rushing up to me. I shook his hand, even though I wanted to run away.

“Wait, you sang Summer Nights?” Another kid, with that All American smile and the blue eyes that must drive the girls wild, asked.

“That’s me,” I said softly, uncomfortable with the attention on me. “I’m not here for singing though, boys, I’m here for some baseball. Y’all ready to show me what you got?”

The kids all gave a shout of excitement and ran off to drop their gear. Tad looked over at me, an apology on his face. “Sorry about that. I didn’t think the guys would go nuts over you, like that. I forgot you’re famous. I just saw my old best friend and thought we’d have some fun.”

“Nah, man, it’s cool. They’re just kids.” I reassured him, even if I wanted to get in my dad’s old Pontiac and drive off.

“Hey, Cash, how long before you drop your next album, dude? It seems like we’ve been waiting forever?” One of the kids asked as they raced back to home base and it hits me right in the chest.

I’m not prepared to answer that question, from this kid or my manager, so I redirect him. “How long’s it going to be before you show me what you got, kid? Do I have to wait all day? Come on, let’s get this going.”

I clap my hands together to show them I was ready and start the kids off with a few laps around the bases to get their minds of who I am, and onto what mattered to them…baseball.

CHAPTER FOUR
BRENDA

I watched Stacey Bethel, my best friend and fellow teacher, duck into the coffee shop, frantically looking around until her eyes found me. Her cheeks glowed a deep pink, likely from running late, and her dark blond hair was in disarray. Some strands had been straightened while others were left half-curled around her face. It was clear she was in a hurry this morning.

“Sorry I’m late. Mom and Dad stopped by to make sure I was going to bring potato salad to the barbecue tonight. And of course, that meant Clara had to show Grams and Gramps all of her new drawings.” Stacey slid into the hard plastic chairs that dotted the local coffee shop, seemingly unaware that her blouse was buttoned up wrong.

I could just imagine Clara, with her wild spring of dark blond curls and her mother’s eyes giving Stacey’s parents a full description, mostly in baby talk, of what was in the scribbles she drew regularly with washable markers. Clara might be an artist one day, or she might not. What mattered was that her grandparents loved her and adored her enough to oh and ah over those wild scribbles of hers.

“She’s such a cutie, and it’s okay. I bailed on our usual Friday night coffee break last night, so we’re even.” I grinned at her and pointed at her dark brown button-up blouse. Stacey’s pink cheeks became deep red as she saw the button she’d missed and the way the rest of her blouse slouched because she’d missed that one button. “Good grief, my one year old dresses herself better than I do. I thought there was something wrong with this shirt when I left the house, but I was in such a rush to get here that I didn’t even notice.”

“It’s because you have a one year old that you dress like that,” I reminded her gently with a soft smile. “Be kind to yourself, honey.”

Stacey rolled her eyes at herself and grabbed the coffee I’d ordered for her at our favorite cafe. “Maybe I can dress myself properly when she’s 15?”

“One can hope,” I replied, looking at her with the eyes of a friend. She was beautiful, my friend, even in her messy moments. “Although, she’ll be a teenager by then. You might have lost your mind by that time.”

“God, I hope not,” Stacey slouched in her chair, clearly tired, but still getting on with her day. “So, you had your mom and dad last night, I had mine early this morning. And I’ll see them again tonight. Which leads me to a very important question, Frank had already planned a night out with his friends to see the new superhero movie when my parents sprang this barbecue on me. You want to join me and be my support? My brother’s back in town and they’re making a big deal out of it.”

Stacey looked at me with pleading blue eyes that she knew I couldn’t say no to.

“You mean the brother that couldn’t be bothered to come to your wedding? The brother that still hasn’t met your daughter? Oh yes, I’d love to meet him,” I replied, fully intending on giving the guy a lecture on what he was missing out on. Which was why the guy was such a sore spot for Stacey, he just disappeared into thin air one day, from what I’d gathered, to live his life out in California, playing in some kind of music band and was on the road a lot. Stacey never really talked about him much.

“No lectures,” Stacey groaned, before she took another sip of her coffee. “At least not where my parents can hear. They worship the ground he walks on.”

I couldn’t understand why they’d worship a son that disappeared five years ago and couldn’t even pay for them to come see him, if he was so darn busy, but that’s how parents are. I had my struggles with my own parents and brother to look to as an example. “I’d love to come and be your moral support, San, just tell me what time.”

I put my hand over hers as she gave me a grateful smile. “Thanks, honey.”

“That’s what friends are for,” I answered, moving my hand away to pick up my coffee. I had decaf, which Stacey used to question, but she’d stopped after I brushed the questions off with excuses about not wanting stimulants in my system. Which was true, I just hadn’t explained why I didn’t want stimulants in my system.

“So, how was your mom last night?” Stacey asked, changing the subject.

“The same as always. I want her to see that I’m not a child anymore, that I’m not sick, but all she sees is the past. I’m a grown woman, but she always makes me feel like a child,” I complained, not wanting to go into it all too much. Stacey had enough on her plate without my problems weighing her down.

“You need to find a man. Someone to take your mind off of all of this. You know, someone that you can team up with, to help deflect your mom’s worries.” Stacey nodded as if she was agreeing with her own advice.

“I need a man like I need a hole in the head.” I mumbled, looking away from her. “A man is the very last thing I need in my life. I’d have to explain about the scars, about how I’d been sick, about how I could get sick again in the future, and that isn’t something I can face again. I couldn’t put that burden on anyone either.”

“Oh, but just think about it, Bren. You could have someone to lean on if you do get sick again, someone that would support you and take care of you,” Stacey replied, a romantic at heart. “Besides, a man might brighten up your day a little. Especially during cold season when we end up covered in snot and need to be reminded of what else there is in life.”

We both laughed at that, but I wasn’t looking for a relationship like Stacey’s. “Maybe I should get a dog, instead.”

“That’s not a bad plan. Men can be so much work, and you never know what’s going on in their heads. Now a dog? You know what a dog wants, walks, to go potty, belly rubs, and all of your food. Much simpler to deal with. Although, there are things a man can do for you that a dog can’t.” Stacey giggled in a girlish way, leaving her meaning clear.

I felt my cheeks turning pink now and got up from the table to change the subject. “I’m getting a muffin, do you want one?”

“No, but if you find a man while you’re up there, bring him over so I can decide if he’s good enough for you or not.”

I shook my head and sighed as I walked away, my hands shoved deep in my pockets, my shoulders slumped with the heavy weight of knowledge. Memories flooded back of the time I had shared with my now ex-boyfriend. Sometimes I missed the laughter, the midnight conversations, his soft embrace. But then came the realization that I liked him, but I didn’t love him. He deserved more than what I could give him. We’d had a difficult conversation but eventually we both understood and ended things gracefully. He hadn’t been happy with my decision, but he’d respected it, at least.

As I studied the muffins offered behind a glass counter, trying to decide between the chocolate, orange and cranberry, or the blueberry, I wondered if I should give love another shot?

Your cancer could come back. You have to be vigilant. Take your maintenance medicines, and keep coming in for checks, okay?

The voice of my oncologist came back to me, reminding me of why I couldn’t get love another chance. I stood up, my decision made about my love life and my choice of muffin. “I’ll take the orange and cranberry, please.”

As for love? I’d leave that on the shelf for someone else to bother with. I had my family, Stacey and her family, and my kids at school. That was enough for me. I didn’t want to be greedy, after all. Merely living my life at all was more than I could have hoped for three years ago. Having a best friend and a little girl that I was more of a niece to than her own uncle tended to be, was enough for me.

CHAPTER FIVE
CASH

The beer with Tad was postponed when his girlfriend called to tell him her car broke down so I headed back to my Mom and Dad’s. They were watching TV together, Mom curled up against Dad, while the cake Mom baked cooled in the kitchen. I’d always admired their relationship, wanted that for myself, but so far, I hadn’t found the right woman.

Being on the road all the time, promoting my music, made life hard and I wouldn’t subject a woman to that. I wouldn’t put my own family before my career, so I’d put off serious relationships since my last breakup. That was a relationship worth writing a song about in itself, it was so crazy.

I couldn’t see Mom busting out all of Dad’s car windows just because he got tired of being her ATM machine and a way for her to get on magazine and blog covers. She might do a lot of frowning and pursing her lips at him, but violence? That wasn’t in her to do.

“You need me to do anything out back?” I asked when the show they’d been watching ended.

“Could you make sure the tables and chairs are clean?” Dad asked, his arm firmly around Mom.

“Sure, I’ll do that,” I answered and headed out to the back patio. The chairs were all in a shed in the back so I took them out and wiped them down before I did the plastic tables they kept for big dinners.

Cleaning everything had kept my mind off the party, but now, a few hours later, as Dad fired up the grill and Mom put hamburgers, marinated chicken, and hot dogs on plates for him to cook, nervousness set in. I don’t know what to say to people here anymore.

In LA we talked about our work, parties we’d been to, who was sleeping with who this week, and other conversations that had left me with a whole lot of distrust from the get-go out there. Here? I didn’t know any stats about the local high school sports teams, didn’t know most of the new places that had sprung up in Tender Hills, and had no clue if Billy Bob was still married to Mary Sue or what their kids were doing. I didn’t even know my own sisters’ kids or husbands.

That was all on me, though. I’d put everything I had into my success and had let my parents and siblings fall by the wayside. I’d missed a lot of moments, special moments, and that had eaten at me, even as I had a PA send out presents for those special occasions, gifts that PA picked out and bought for me. My parents hadn’t said anything, but I’d been gone a long time. I had a lot to make up for.

That wasn’t all that was on my mind as the sun started to make its way out of the sky and people showed up. I hadn’t slept enough the night before, my mind on the album and the contract I’d signed. There was no way I could write the songs and make an album in a month. It couldn’t be done. But I had to find a way.

“Here, son, take these appetizers out to the table at the end and see if everyone knows where the drinks are, alright? I need to put the last touches on this cake.” Mom asked, two plates in her hands, filled with vegetables and dip in one and marinated smoked sausage in the other.

I nodded and took the plates over, smiling and nodding at people that were too starstruck to actually speak to me. I heard them whispering, as I walked by, and a few girlish giggles from ladies that were too old to be giggling like that. I guess my tight jeans brought it out of them, though.

“Lovely evening, isn’t it, son?” Dad asked as I approached him, meaning to dig a beer out of the cooler filled with ice.

“It is, Dad. Want a beer?” I asked, reaching into grab two.

“Got one, son. You know my limit’s three.” Dad pointed his chin at the beer going warm on the table. Dad never had been much of a drinker, but he didn’t mind a few every now and then. “Sky sure is beautiful this evening.”

I looked up to see white fluffy clouds reflecting reds, oranges, and pinks from the coming sunset. “It is, Dad.”

I’d repeated myself, but he didn’t seem to mind as he went back to flipping burgers.

“I heard you walking around last night, pacing the floor so to speak. What’s on your mind, son?” Dad asked as I twisted off the cap and took a swig. At least he’d bought good beer.

“I got myself into a mess without realizing it, Dad. I thought I still had a few months to get this next album out. Turns out, I’ve got about 29 more days left. It’s an impossible task.” I said with a heavy sigh, not looking at the strangers behind me. It was a small town and I used to know everybody in it, but now? Now, everyone seemed to be other people, not the folks I used to know at all.

“I’ve got faith in you, son. Between your mother’s cooking and some fresh country air, you’ll get on track, back to writing in no time. Then you just gotta add a guitar and some drums, and away you go.” Dad chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh, I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but you got this, son.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Cash? Honey, your sisters are here with the babies. Come see them all.” Mom called as a group of people followed Mom out to the huge backyard. I saw my sister Stacey, grownup and cranky looking, with her daughter perched on her side. Caroline, my other sister, rushed up to me before I could inspect anybody else, her arms around my neck.

“I sure have missed you, Cash. God, it’s good you’re home. Come meet the kids and my husband.”

I nodded at Stacey, who just stood there glaring at me with her mini-me in her arms, but turned to greet the man that Caroline stood next to. “This is my husband, York, and our boys, Jacob and Miles. They’re two now.”

York had both boys in his arms so he couldn’t shake my hand, but nodded at me politely. “Big fan, Cash. Love your work.”

“Thanks, man,” I nodded back, surprised at how warm my chest felt as I looked at the small children my sisters had produced. “They’re all gorgeous, your kids, Stacey and Caroline.”

“Oh, everyone just drools over little Clara, and she deserves every bit of it,” Caroline gushed, kissing her niece’s cheek. “My boys are handsome little devils too, but Clara is such a sweetheart.”

Caroline always had been the peacekeeper in the family and she still was, I saw. I looked at the girls, barely more than teenagers when I left, but now adults and my brain just shorted out. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I just nodded as Caroline continued to chat away.

I saw Stacey walk away with the baby and wished I could make that frown go away, but I deserved it. I’d been her favorite sibling growing up and I’d just left without a backwards glance. I hadn’t even bothered to come to her wedding. I’d been shooting a music video and couldn’t get away. I had to go after her, make amends.

I waited until Caroline started to chat with my Dad, then went to Stacey. “San, come on. Talk to me. Please?”

“Why should I?” she asked, turning away, but I could hear the tears in her voice as she held the baby close to her chest. “You didn’t show up for my wedding, you missed my daughter’s birth, and everything else in between. Did you know there were rumors you were actually in prison and you weren’t Cash Saunders, the singer, because you never came home or invited any of us out to LA? Why should I talk to you?”

“Stacey, please. I’m sorry. Tell me what I can do to make this right?”

Stacey got a glint in her eye then, a glint that always spelled trouble when we were kids. She even smirked a little as she looked over in the direction of her friend. “Alright. You can talk to Brenda, my best friend. She’d be good for you and she needs to date more.”

“I’m not here looking for a date, Stacey.” I started to say, but shut up when she gave me the look. The look that makes children behave all over the world.

“But you haven’t met her yet. She’s just coming out of the door there. See?” Stacey said softly, pointing with a finger at someone joining my parents at the back door.

The woman, Brenda, turned then, and I caught the full weight of her gaze. The world stood still.

“Yeah, that’s her. Brenda. I think you two would make a really cute couple.” Stacey said, laughter in her voice as I stood there, rooted to the ground. Brenda was the most beautiful, angelic woman I’d ever laid eyes on. I might have time for a date or two, after all.

CHAPTER SIX
BRENDA

“Hi, Cynthia. Stacey invited me, I hope that’s alright?” I asked Stacey’s mom. I’ve met the woman a few times, at gatherings Stacey hosted, but I’d never spent much time talking to her.

“Sure, honey, the more the merrier. Come on out. There’s drinks in the cooler over there and appetizers, too. The rest is being grilled as we speak.” Cynthia responded, her hand barely resting against my right forearm. Stacey’s mom smiled up at me, and I gave a nod of acknowledgement. “Stacey’s just over there, talking to her brother. He’s just come back home after a long absence.”

Yeah, I knew all about that long absence from Stacey. Five years is a long time to blow your family off, in my opinion. I didn’t have anything nice to say about the guy.

“Brenda, you came, sweetie! It’s so nice to see you,” Caroline, Stacey’s sister, came up to me for a hug, her face a wreath of smiles. She looked so similar to Stacey that there was no doubt they were sisters. Caroline had always been nice, talkative, and eager to get to know everyone she came into contact with.

“Hey, Caroline? How are you all?” I asked, though I wanted to find Stacey. I couldn’t help but be polite, though.

“Oh, we’re all fine. The boys are growing like weeds and York’s just landed a new project at his job.” Caroline beamed with pride, though I noticed she didn’t say anything about her own life. Why was that? York was an architect, but I still had no idea how Caroline filled her days. Of course, being a stay at home mom to the boys likely took up most of her time.

“That’s great news. And how are you getting on?” I looked at her and saw a flicker of confusion.

“Me? Oh, I’m fine, Brenda, just fine,” Caroline’s smile brightened a little and I wondered how long it had been since anyone had bothered to ask her that.

“I’m glad to hear that,” I smiled back and started to look around. I saw familiar faces and waved at a few that smiled over at me, but I didn’t see Stacey. “Have you seen Stacey?”

Caroline looked around with me but eventually shook her head. “No, maybe she went in to help Mom with something.”

I knew she hadn’t, so I kept looking around. “I’ll go see if I can find her.”

“Okay, have fun.” Caroline chirped before she turned back to her husband.

I looked down at the sky blue sundress I had on to gather the hem a little, it was so long I was afraid I’d trip over the hem of the new dress. The sun was going down so I was glad I’d put on a cardigan in a matching color. I walked around the back yard, exchanging pleasantries with people but ended up making my way back to the back door.

I was just about to text Stacey and ask where she was when I finally spotted her over by one of the large trees in the huge backyard. She was talking to someone, his back to me. That wasn’t Frank, her husband, so who was it? Stacey looked annoyed, but then got that look on her face as she talked to the man. That look that said she was plotting.

What was she up to and with who, I wondered, before Stacey caught my eyes and pointed over at me. It must be her brother she was talking to, I decided, as I hadn’t met him yet.

He had on tight, dark blue jeans, a navy blue t-shirt, with a navy blue ball cap on his head. From the back, I could see the muscles in his back and broad shoulders, and might have admired how well he filled out those jeans a little bit, too. I brought my eyes up quickly, though, hoping I hadn’t been caught by anyone.

Besides, the guy was a jerk, no matter how good he might look from behind. He’d just dumped his family to play in some two-bit band. That made all the good looks in the world worthless, in my opinion.

The guy’s head swiveled to look at me and the world tilted for me. I felt my heart race in my chest and my head went a little swirly as his light blue eyes met mine. It couldn’t be, could it?

I narrowed my eyes and leaned my head forward, certain that the guy couldn’t be who I thought he was. I even blinked a couple of times but the image didn’t change.

He couldn’t be Cash Saunders, there was just no way Stacey’s errant brother was one of her biggest musical crushes ever. Cash Saunders’ songs had got her through some of her worst days during chemo. They’d helped her to keep fighting, even when she wanted to give up the most. His songs had been a lifeline for her. So, he couldn’t really be standing right there, staring at her like he’d just been smacked with a ten-pound hammer, could he?

I was rooted in place, my tongue suddenly a dead weight in my mouth. I only had eyes for the handsome guy who moved, his head ducking down, those gorgeous eyes now hidden from me. I think I might have squeaked or gurgled something as Stacey came up to me with a huge grin on her face.

“Come on, goofy, come meet my big brother.”

“He can’t be your brother,” I managed to hiss out, my feet digging in as she tried to drag me over to the guy. “Your last name isn’t Saunders.”

“That’s because I’m married, silly. Are you sure you never figured it out? Even when you met my parents?”

“It never sank in Stacey. I didn’t put two and two together.” I whispered, looking over at her now. “I can’t meet him, please don’t do this to me.”

“Why not, Brenda? You’re my best friend, why wouldn’t I want you to meet him?” Stacey’s hand wrapped around my arm, her eyes pleading with me. “I know I said he’s a jerk, but he’s really not. Please? Come meet him, for me?”

I couldn’t resist her pleas and it was a chance to meet a man I’d have never expected to meet. I’d heard he was from Colorado, but I’d never really bothered to look up much about him, other than his new songs and where he might be on tour. He’d done a lot of touring too, and was supposed to be on an international tour now, wasn’t he?

I felt my feet begin to move as those amazing eyes came closer, filling my vision. He was…gorgeous. Every bit a star, right down the gold guitar on his necklace.

“Cash, this is Brenda Wright, my best friend. Brenda, this is my brother, Cash.” Stacey said with a quick look over her shoulder to check on Clara, with her grandmother playing on a blanket in the middle of the yard. “I think I’ll go check on the baby. You two get acquainted.”

I glared over at her, mouthing the word no at her vehemently. Stacey just grinned and wiggled her fingers at me in goodbye. I hate her.

“Hi. Nice to meet you,” Cash said, his chin down, not looking at me. I bet he was sick and tired of meeting women. No doubt he was used to women throwing themselves at him. Poor guy.

“Um, hi.” I managed to grunt out, the only thing I seemed to be able to manage. I pushed my right hand through my hair, out of my face, but then pulled it back, a nervous habit I was barely even aware of.

“How long you known my sister?” Cash asked, though he didn’t really sound like that was what he wanted to know. I scratched at the back of my head, though it didn’t itch, it was just a way to postpone the conversation.

“Oh, uh. A while now,” I said vaguely, not even sure that’s what I really said since my tongue felt like it had just gained 100 pounds.

“You want something to drink?” he asked politely, while I was busy dying of embarrassment deep inside myself. I was acting like a lovesick teenager but I couldn’t help it.

“Mm, seltzer water,” I murmured and as soon as he turned to go get one from the cooler I rushed over to Stacey and smacked her arm lightly.

“What the heck? Cash Saunders is your brother and you never told me? Even when I gushed over him whenever I heard his music? Why didn’t you say anything?” I demanded, but Stacey only laughed and leaned into me to kiss my cheek.

“Because, I can’t stand it when people react like you are.” Stacey says, but it wasn’t spoken in a nasty way. Just a gentle reminder that she was more than her brother’s fame.

The problem was, I knew I wasn’t going to survive this day. I was going to die of a critical overload of embarrassment and awkwardness. I can’t believe Stacey’s done this to me.

CHAPTER SEVEN
CASH

I walked over to the cooler and dug my hand around in the ice, wincing at how cold it was until I found the bottle of seltzer she’d asked for. He didn’t know why the woman would want a seltzer when they were at a party, but different folks for different folks. Maybe she’d had an alcoholic parent, or something like that.

I stood back up straight, looking for the woman, but she wasn’t by the tree anymore. I saw her over with my sister now. Brenda, my sister’s best friend, was clearly flustered and animated as she berated my sister, but so dang beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman as beautiful as the woman that stood there by my sister, hissing words at her, as my sister laughed and hugged her.

It was clear to me the woman hadn’t known I was Stacey’s brother. I guessed she was a fan, from the starstruck way she’d looked at me and barely been able to speak. I doubted the woman was ever that tongue-tied around ‘normal’ people.

I’d told Stacey I wasn’t there to date, and now that it was clear the woman knew who I was, I felt myself cool off. That wasn’t from the ice. Women chased me for my fame and fortune. Back in the day, when I was new to LA, I thought it was me the women wanted, and some might have, but in the end, they always wanted what I could do for their careers or give to them.

I’d come to learn that dating in LA was only about climbing ladders. Between that and my career, I didn’t have a lot of time for dating anyway. A hookup here and there, maybe, but a relationship? He didn’t have time for that. But as my eyes took her in, standing with a light blue cardigan on, despite the warm air, I couldn’t help but think…maybe.

I walked back towards her, and smiled when she looked over at me. I smiled a little more when I caught that, but she was already looking away. I stopped, mesmerized by the sight of her. She was flustered, her face animated in conversation, but there was something beautiful about her.

I sighed, and looked away. I’d take her the drink, then go back to talking to my dad or something. I really didn’t have time for a woman in my life. I walked over and the pair went quiet.

I wanted to ask them what they’d been talking about but didn’t want to be rude. Mom had taught me manners and not to be impolite, so I hesitated and settled for standing there, my mouth glued shut.

“Thanks,” she said and looked away, but not before I caught how pink her cheeks were as she glanced away, her eyes darting from place to place as she looked for an escape.

I wanted to say something funny, or something nice, to get her to relax, but nothing came to mind.

“My pleasure,” I replied, wanting to say more but felt like I was under a microscope. I had my sister glaring at me, mouthing ‘go on’ from one side of her face, while Brenda looked away, too flustered to say much. I cleared my throat and shifted my weight, feeling out of place.

“Um, do you guys need anything else? I can grab you some food or another drink, Stacey?” I offered, hoping to break the tension.

Brenda shook her head, a small smile forming on her lips.

“No, thank you. I think we’re good for now,” she said, her voice soft and sweet.

I couldn’t help but feel drawn to her. There was something about the way she carried herself, the way she looked at me, that made me feel like I was the only person in the world.

But I knew better than to let myself get carried away. Women like her didn’t want someone like me. They wanted a man that would be home to help with the kids and the chores every night, someone like Stacey or Caroline’s husbands. I wasn’t that kind of man, at all.

I smiled at her one last time before turning to leave.

“Okay, well, enjoy the party,” I said, trying to sound casual, but not sure I pulled it off. I smiled in relief when I saw Tad, my former best friend walk through the back door and out into the yard. He caught my eye and waved at me, shouting my name. “Excuse me, please.”

“Sure,” Brenda said, her eyes on Tad, before they came back to me. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” I murmured before I scurried away to greet Tad. Tad wrapped me in a huge hug and slapped my back before he pulled away.

“Good to see you, man. You, uh, you remember Pam don’t you? She’s my girlfriend,” Tad said as a redhead walked up behind him, her green eyes unreadable.

“Of course I remember Pam. How are you?” I said exuberantly, though I kind of felt as if I’d been kicked in the chest. I’d dated Pam all through high school, until we broke up during that last summer after graduation. I wanted to go off to start my career, while she’d wanted to get married and continue her education at the local community college.

Our relationship hadn’t ended on a bad note and I was kind of taken aback that Tad was dating her now, even if I had no right to feel that way.

“I’m glad you got your dreams, Cash,” Pam said without a hint of malice. I nodded at her.

“Thanks. And how about you? Tad says you’re a nurse now?” I said, running over everything Tad had said, and hadn’t said. Such as, hey I’m dating your ex now, even though I’d sworn in high school that I’d never date her because she was too high maintenance.

I left all of that unsaid, however, wondering if this moment would turn into a song. I could feel a stirring in my brain, that itch to have my guitar in my hands. I looked away for a moment, my eyes seeking and finding Brenda. Was there a song in this moment?

“Hey, why don’t you two get some food and a drink or two? I’m going to see if Dad needs some help, real quick,” I told them, walking away when I finished. I saw a look of concern pass between the pair so I waved with a smile at them. I didn’t have hard feelings about their relationship, it was just all so weird.

Being back home was like walking into an alien world that shouldn’t feel that way at all. I had one sister gushing over me, another ready to hook me up with her best friend, and friends and family members that I barely had anything in common with anymore. For a moment, as I hustled over to my Dad at the grill, I felt like the world was closing in around me.

“You alright, son?” Dad asked as I sank down in a chair next to him, wiping my hands on my jeans.

“Yeah, it’s just strange, you know? I’ve gotten used to life in LA, I guess this is kind of like reverse culture shock, or something.” I replied without thinking. I grimaced and looked over at my dad. “I didn’t mean that to sound like it did.”

“No, I guess it makes sense. You’re used to being insulated from fans. Here, you’ve got them all over and life has gone on in your absence. I remember when I came home from my first deployment from the army, way back in the day. Nothing seemed to be real.”

“You get it then,” I said, surprised to hear my dad talk about his army days. He never talked about it.

“I do. You’ll get over it, I did. And I have no doubt you’re going to write some great songs from this experience.” Dad leaned over to flip a burger before he stood up.

I had a feeling I knew what he was about to do. This day just kept getting weirder and weirder and what Dad was about to do would just make it that much worse. I didn’t want the spotlight on me, but as Dad cleared his throat, I put on my superstar smile and tried to zone out.

“If I can have everyone’s attention, please. I’d like you all to join me in welcoming Cash home. He went off to California and realized his dreams. His mom and I couldn’t be more proud of him. Here’s to you son, may your success last a lifetime, like I know it will,” Dad raised his warm beer and toasted me.

Everyone else at the barbecue cheered along with Dad. I smiled and gave a weak wave, dreading the moment someone asked me to sing. Luckily, nobody did. I went back into the house after that and hid in my room for a moment. I needed a break, to breathe for a moment without a dozen pairs of eyes on me. But as I sank down to my bed and closed my eyes, it was a pair of green eyes that I saw behind my eyelids. Laughing green eyes that smiled so tenderly at me it took my breath away.

CHAPTER EIGHT
BRENDA

The first thing I thought when I opened my eyes the next morning was that I’d met Cash Saunders. My not-so-secret celebrity crush, the guy I used to daydream about as I listened to him singing in my earbuds. The guy I’d even had a rather steamy dream about a time or two.

And what had I done? Acted like the prim school teacher from Little House On The Prairie. I cringed at the thought, but that’s exactly what I’d done. I’d watched him from afar the rest of the night, keeping up with Stacey as she made the rounds with the other people at the barbecue.

I’d managed to eat a potato chip, and that was all.

I wanted a do-over, a chance to give him a piece of my mind for leaving his family for so long. But I also wanted a chance to act like a woman with a brain in her head that didn’t titter like a schoolgirl.

I got out of my bed and wondered if that was really what I wanted? Would I want to date a celebrity? Two days ago, I’d told Stacey I didn’t want to date anybody, it would be too much. All of my old fears raised their ugly heads as I showered and got ready for a Sunday at home. Alone.

That didn’t appeal to me so I decided to head down to the local bakery. A nice fluffy apple turnover and some rich coffee would keep my mind off of Cash Saunders and the fact that Stacey had kept who her brother really was a secret. Of all the secrets I suspected my best friend kept, that wasn’t one I’d been expecting. At all.

I headed over to Sweet Cream & Custard and found a parking spot well away from the bakery. That was all I needed to know about how busy the place was on this beautiful Sunday morning. I could hear a lot of noise as I walked in, inhaling the scents of apple, cinnamon, and coffee with pure joy. This was one of my favorite places to be in the world.

My mother would kill me if she knew my breakfast was what amounted to a mountain of sugar, but I couldn’t really bring myself to care. Since I’d moved out of my parents’ home, I’d been doing things like this, things Mom wouldn’t allow me to do. I’d learned that Mom not knowing what I was doing made it easier to do those things.

I needed to live a little, after all, didn’t I? A little sugar wouldn’t hurt me, especially when it came wrapped inside a warm apple turnover. There were 9 people ahead of me, so I decided to check my messages while I waited. I saw one from Stacey, but it was just her sending me a video on TikTok. I smiled and was about to open the video when somebody rammed into me from behind.

A hand reached out to grab at my elbow, but I pulled it away and turned around, ready to hiss at whoever it was that hadn’t been paying attention to where they were. The curse was on my lips until I saw who it was that had been so rude. “Cash?”

He’s got those expensive looking aviators on and what must be his favorite ball cap pulled down on his head, but I knew it was him. But why was he hiding out like that, with his head ducked down? Then it dawned on me. People must flock to him all the time, and he just wanted to keep a low profile.

“Yeah, um, sorry Brenda, I didn’t mean to run into you. Are you alright?”

I waved off the apology and was about to reply when he shoved a $100 bill into my hand. I stared down at it, then back up at him, ready to blast him for what I thought was an indecent offer.

“Can you order me a dozen apple turnovers and a black coffee? I need to get out of here. People are noticing it’s me. Meet me behind the bakery, in the alley, for the handover, okay? And get whatever you want too, on me.”

I felt terrible for him as he looked around, clearly worried about starting a stampede, and who could blame him? People were starting to look at him and whisper to those with them. At least my initial suspicion that he was offering me money for sex had been wrong.”Yeah, sure. You go ahead.”

“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.” He gave me a thumbs up and raced out of the door.

I shook my head, feeling really sorry for the guy now. It must be terrible to live life like that. I stood in line, shuffling forward slowly as the line moved along. I finally made my order, and Cash’s, and carried two bags and two cups of coffee in a carrier tray to the back of the bakery.

“Oh, man, you really are a lifesaver. I’ve been dreaming about these since I got back. Well, long before I got back, actually. I’ve missed them for years. I’ve had them all over the world, but nothing compares to these.” He took the bag and the coffee I offered him with a grateful smile. I’d put the change in his bag and pointed it out to him.

“I put your change in the bag.” I said, that feeling of being starstruck starting to take hold again. My right hand reached up to touch my hair, tucking a lock behind my ear nervously. “This feels like we’re doing a drug deal.”

I felt my face fall and my cheeks flame as I realized how stupid that sounded. I pulled that lock of hair away from my ear and ducked my head.

“Yeah, it kind of does, doesn’t it? And sugar can be addictive, right? I know these turnovers sure are addictive.” He answered, giving me one of the most charming grins I’d ever seen in my life. I think my knees even went a little wobbly for a second it was so amazing.

“Oh yes, they can be. My mother would kill me if she saw what was in my bag.” I replied, still feeling like an idiot, but at least he was playing along.

“So, you’re friends with Stacey. How come I never saw you in high school with her? It’s such a small town, I feel like I should remember you,” Cash said, leaning one leg on the wall casually. He looked so relax, but his question made me feel anything but.

“Oh, Stacey and I ran in different crowds back then and I wasn’t popular. I could disappear like it was magic, especially in those crowded hallways. I studied a lot and kept to myself.”

“Still, I think it’s really weird I never noticed you. I’m sure I would have, if I’d seen you.” Cash’s voice was distant, as if going through his memories.

I don’t remember, or know, if they ever made any kind of announcements in school about me or my illness and I really don’t want him to remember that about me. I’m tired of being that woman that survived cancer. I want to be more than the disease I beat. I want to be known for who I am, not what I was. For some reason, it suddenly became very important to me that he not know that about me.

Maybe it was just that I didn’t want his pity, or to see his face change as he began to see me as someone that used to be sick. I just wanted to be a grown woman, awkward and shy, but still, simply a woman and nothing more.

“I need to go, Sunday morning, you know. You have a good day, Cash. I hope you enjoy your illicit turnovers.” I smiled at that thought, illicit turnovers, like they were something naughty, and turned away.

“Hey, don’t go. We could go to the park and eat together, if you want? It’s warm out this morning and it’s a lovely day.” He said, halting me mid-turn. I almost agreed, I almost jumped at the chance, but I clamped down on my girlish infatuation and shook my head.

“I can’t, I have other plans.” Which was nothing but a lie, but he’d never know that.

“Alright. Maybe another time, then. Have a good day, Brenda. And thanks again.”

I waved and walked away, wishing I’d said yes, that I’d walked over to the park with him. But he’d be leaving soon and I’d stay here, in Tender Hills, teaching my students and living my life quietly. It wouldn’t do me any good to get attached to him, now would it? Even as a friend.

CHAPTER NINE
CASH

I squinted, trying to see the words written in the word file on my tablet, but the glare of the sun overhead was too bright. I moved it under the umbrella over the table in the backyard, but that didn’t help.

“Good grief.” I mumbled to myself, frustrated beyond belief. I’d thought coming home, being amongst my old friends, getting a break from touring, would inspire me. Instead, it only enhanced my fear that I was, indeed, a one-hit wonder.

I heard the back door open and turned to see my mother coming out, a plate in one hand, a bottle of tea tucked under her arm.

“Son, you need to eat.” Mom said as she put a huge sandwich in front of me, one of her special, deli-style sandwiches. She even made her own bread for it. I smiled at the love that she gave me and reached out for her hand.

“Thanks, Mom. That’s kind of you,” I said, knowing it would make her blush. It did.

She grinned from ear to ear, but those lovely cheeks of hers still turned pink. “It’s nothing, Cash, only a sandwich.”

“It’s the love that went into it, Mom, that’s what I appreciate.” And what I’d missed for so long.

“How’s it going?” She asked, standing there, trying not to look nosy, but unable to hide her curiosity.

“Not good. It’s Friday and I still don’t have a single song written.” I frowned down at the sandwich, but picked it up. I saw two garlic pickles on the side and knew she’d put those there because she knew I loved them.

“It’ll come to you.” She bent to kiss my head and then walked back into the house to leave me in peace. I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted but I appreciated her understanding. “I bet your inspiration will come when you least expect it, honey.”

Inspiration? Yeah, I had a lot of that, but the kind that would make an album. I should be focused, writing a song about what it’s like to come back home after being gone so long, but every time I tried to write a verse, I got a vision of smiling green eyes and a smile that I wanted to see for the rest of my life.

“It’s only because she didn’t gush about my singing.” I’d told myself a hundred times. Along with “it’s only because she got you your turnovers without making a big deal about it.” And there’d also been the one about how I only liked her because she was beautiful, but that hadn’t really seemed right. There was just something about her that I couldn’t let go of, but I didn’t really know what that was.

“Focus,” I reminded myself as I finished the sandwich and turned my tablet back on.

I’d started a song. Well, it was more like I had a bunch of disjointed verses that I couldn’t pull together into one coherent song. Maybe they should all be a part of different songs? I had to do something soon, though. I have to get this album started or I’d be in big trouble. The kind that cost me a lot of money and future opportunities if I failed.

I was about to give up for an hour, go and do something else, when my phone rang. Not many people had this number, it was a top secret private line just for my closest friends and family. I didn’t recognize the number, but answered it anyway.

“Hello?” I said, wondering who was on the line.

“Hey, Cash, it’s Tad. I hope it’s okay I called? That I’m not interrupting anything important?”

I smiled, remembering I’d given him my number at the barbecue. “Hey, man, what’s up?”

“Um, well, I have a favor I want to ask, and I know it’s kind of presumptive of me, but, um, it’s for the kids, okay? We’re trying to raise money for the baseball team and I wondered if you’d come out tonight, throw the first pitch in tonight’s game, to draw a crowd for us? It’d sell a whole bunch of tickets, I’m sure, if people knew you were going to be there. The kids need new uniforms, and well, I was hoping you’d want to help us out?”

“Oh yes, sure, Tad, I could do that,” I replied with enthusiasm. Okay, maybe I don’t want to be in the spotlight while I’m at home, but I had wanted to do some stuff like this, to help give back to the community that raised me. “But, how are you going to announce it so late in the day?”

“Dude, we have the Internet now, remember? Leave it with me.” Tad chuckled and I rolled my eyes at myself. Of course, we were living in the age of technology. I bet people from counties all over the state will show up. Not that I’m conceited, but I have sold out an entire arena in less than an hour. “Besides, it’s a small town and news travels fast in small towns, remember?”

I did and that made me nervous.

***

“It sure is nice of you to do this, son,” Dad said as he pulled into the parking lot at the high school. We’d walk over to the baseball field from here. It was kind of strange, how I felt like I could just be a normal person here, park at the high school like always, without thinking about security, as I did when I was on the road.

That made me wonder if I was being careless, especially when Mom and Dad were with me?

Doubts flooded in as we got out of the car and met up by the hood. Other people walked around us, some noticing me, whispering to each other and nudging one another, but so far, nobody approached me. That relieved some of my worries. As Tad said, it was a small town and one thing I knew about most people in this town was that they had manners.

Mom and Dad left me to find seats in the stands while I went down to the dugout to find Tad. He was there, giving the boys a pep talk as I walked in.

“Hey, Cash! You made it. Guys, you remember, Cash, right?” Tad said with a laugh that invited all of us to join in with him. We all knew they remembered me.

“Hi, fellas. Good luck tonight,” I said with a nod to them all. They all grinned at me before Tad told them to warm up outside the dugout. “I’ve got to admit, I’m kind of nervous about this, man.”

“Dude, are you serious?” Tad asked, falling back into our old lingo back when we were in high school. He looked about as excited as a kid on Christmas. “Look at the stands, they’re full and people are putting down blankets on the grass. This is going to be awesome and all you have to do is throw the first pitch. That’s it. I can’t thank you enough for this.”

I smiled, glad to help but feeling like a heel at the same time. I wasn’t so big for my britches that I was conceited and knew people would show up if they thought I’d be there, but I did know my own abilities. And at the same time, I kind of felt like the animal in the zoo, locked in a cage to be looked at by people on the outside.

Fame was a strange thing, I’d known that since it came to me, but here at home, it made me nervous, awkward, and a little worried I was being too laid back.

Tad went out on the field, as the home team coach, to get the evening started. He introduced me as the kids came out on the field and took up their positions. Back in the day, I’d been a pretty decent pitcher, so I wasn’t nervous about that. What made me nervous was wondering if all of these people knew I was a fake? A man that had one good album in him and nothing more? I threw the pitch and the crowd cheered, chanting my name as the kid knocked the ball into the outfield.

I scanned the crowd for a familiar face as I walked off the field, shaking hands and signing a few autographs while I headed back to the dugout. She hadn’t come. Brenda. My sister’s best friend. That bummed me out, but I stayed there with Tad for the rest of the game, hoping I’d see her again soon. Even if I shouldn’t.

CHAPTER TEN
BRENDA

Saturday morning came and went, spent with Stacey at the coffee shop, since we’d missed our Friday night meetup. I’d gone to dinner with my parents the night before, and then I’d gone over to watch Clara so that Stacey and Frank could have a date night. Stacey had tried to get me to go with them, but I knew it was better to stay as far away from her brother as I could.

He made me feel things, things I shouldn’t feel, not when I was trying to avoid dating.

I needed a few things from the grocery store, so once I had breakfast with Stacey, where she told me all about Cash’s pitch at the game, I walked over. I took a deep breath as the doors whooshed open and I saw my ex-boyfriend, Mitchell Kettle. His dad, Michael Kettle, Jr, owned the store, Mike’s Food Emporium, and Mitchell would take it over one day. Normally, I tried to avoid coming into the store when I knew Mitchell would be there, but I couldn’t avoid it today.

I was out of bread and needed some snacks for later, when I binged the latest romance movies on Netflix. If I couldn’t be involved in a romance, I could at least watch some. Even if seeing Mitchell sucked all the joy out of my romantic notions. It wasn’t that I hated the guy, it was that I felt guilty for letting him down when I was near him, like I owed him something for breaking up with him.

I quickly walked into the store and ducked down the first aisle, out of view of the service desk. I breathed a sigh of relief as I went through the store, grabbing things that I definitely needed, or might need, over the weekend. My arms were full and I wished I had a basket, but I’d been too worried about Mitchell spotting me to grab one.

I was nearly finished and trying to grab the flimsy handle on a pack of toilet paper when I felt someone grab my arm and turn me around. I felt my heart sink when I saw Mitchell’s eager face. I tried to smile, but I think it came out looking as though I’d just smelled something awful rather than as a smile.

“Bren! It’s great to see you. Did you stop in to see me?” He grinned at me and leaned in, like old times, like I didn’t have my arms full of groceries. Clearly, he still isn’t over our breakup.

I felt terrible for that, but I’d never loved the guy. Why couldn’t he let it go? “Yeah, uh, no. I needed some things so I stopped in.”

I cursed myself for not stopping in on the way home last night as I should have. Now, I had to have a conversation with Mitchell that I didn’t want to have. Why couldn’t he understand that I can’t waste my life like other people can. I may not have a lot of time, and my cancer could always come back. Staying with a guy I didn’t love was a waste of my precious time, and theirs, but Mitchell didn’t seem to understand that.

“Oh, right, sure. Yeah.” Mitchell nodded his blond head eagerly, looking me up and down, as if he thought I was lying and really had come in to see him. I was wearing a pair of dark gray lounge pants, a light blue T-shirt, and a dark gray cardigan. My hair was piled into a messy bun on the top of my head and I had no makeup on. I was definitely not looking to impress anyone, least of all him. But, as usual, Mitchell didn’t seem to take notice of that.

“I really did, see,” I hefted the groceries piled in my arm and tried to go around Mitchell. “It was nice to see you, but I need to get back home.”

“Wait, how have you been? I hardly ever see you anymore.”

Because we broke up, I wanted to shout at him, but controlled myself. I was an empathetic person, to a fault sometimes, and I was good at listening actively, but all I heard from him was ‘me, me, me’. That was part of what drove me away from him. Instead of saying any of that, I smiled. “I’ve been busy with work and projects we’re working on at school.”

“Oh, I see,” he said, and for some reason that made him grin wider. Why? “I guess that explains it then.”

Ahha. He thought that was all that was keeping me from him. Would this man never let up? I’d have to be very careful about what I said around him in the future.

“So, uh, could we hang out tonight, maybe? I really miss spending time with you. You’re always such a funny person,” he asked, stepping into my way again when I, again, tried to go around him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mitchell,” I started, a twinge of worry creeping in. Especially when he grabbed my arm a little tightly, almost making me drop my things. “Mitchell! Let go!”

“Come on, Bren, you know we’re meant to be together. We used to have so much fun until you went and spoiled it.”

“No, you used to have fun, at my expense, Mitchell. That’s why we broke up. I didn’t love you and you were always doing stuff like this. Now, please, let my arm go.” I used my angry voice, though I hadn’t wanted to. This was exactly why I tried to avoid him. He could be a real…jerk.

The next thing I knew, Cash was there, prying Mitchell’s hand from my arm. “Get lost, Mitchell. This doesn’t look good for the store, you accosting young women like this.”

The words came out deadly quiet and I went still, my eyes wide as Cash leaned into Mitchell.

“Oh, great, it’s Cash Saunders, the darling golden boy of Tender Hills. Like you know Brenda.”

“It’s none of your business if I know Brenda or not. Don’t ever put your hands on her again, hear me?” Cash was still leaning into Mitchell and I couldn’t see his face, but the way all the blood left Mitchell’s face told me I probably didn’t want to see it anyway. Embarrassment rushed through me and I wanted to just walk away from both men.

“Oh, I get it now,” Mitchell said, backing up, his eyes shooting venom at me. “You’re his little back-home floozy, are you, Bren? That’s why you don’t want me to take you back? I see how it is.”

“Call her that again, you little twit and I’ll give you something to whine about,” Cash ground out and Mitchell quickly stomped away. “You alright?”

“Um, yes, I’m fine. I’m so sorry you had to see that. He’s not usually such a jerk.”

“No problem. I don’t like seeing men try to bully women like that,” he said as I started to walk to the checkout line. He stayed with me until we left the store and offered to help me carry the bags to the car. I didn’t want to accept, but he already had the bags in his hands when he offered.

We walked down Main Street in silence, but instead of walking to my car, he stopped at a bench by a tree. I took the bags from his hands, our fingers brushing together as I did so. I felt his fingers clutch at mine, and it felt so right that I didn’t pull away. I looked over at him, wondering if he felt like this was somehow…real, too? I pulled away when I saw his blue eyes were smiling at me, but full of concern too.

“What was that all about?” he asked and I shook my head, my mouth twisting up.

“We used to date. I broke it off. He’s not very good at taking no for an answer.” I summarized, then thought about how it made Mitchell sound. “He doesn’t really mean any harm, he’s just, I don’t know, persistent.”

“Maybe I should go back and punch him like I wanted to, anyway. Maybe then he’d learn what no means.”

“No, please, don’t.” I rushed to say, grabbing at his arm. His bicep was thick, muscled, and warm. I pulled my fingers away as if I’d been burned. “He really is harmless.”

“If you say so. I’ll leave it alone. For now.”

“I do, yes. Thank you.” I got up, ready to go home, to hide in my house and snuggle in with a good movie after this adventurous morning. “I should get home.”

“Sure. But here’s my number, in case you need anything.” He said, digging a card out of his phone’s case. I took the card and walked away with a smile and a half wave. My arms were too full to give a proper wave.

I eventually made it home and settled down on the couch with a fruit salad and some yogurt. I put on the first movie I’d wanted to watch, but couldn’t concentrate. Why had Cash been so upset about Mitchell? And would he have paid attention to what was going on if it had been any other woman than me? And why did I feel giddy when I remembered how he’d made Mitchell all but run away?

CHAPTER ELEVEN
CASH

“What’s got you so antsy, son?” Dad asked me the next day as I stared out of a window in the living room. “You’ve been staring at your Mom’s daffodils for ages now.”

Caught off guard, I gave a short laugh of amusement. “Just people and the strange things they do, Dad. Nothing important, really. Why are you up so early?”

“Well, I thought we could go fishing, like we used to, down by the river.”

I thought about it and how it might distract me from my irrational angry reaction to Mitchell putting his hands on Brenda yesterday. Every time I thought about it, I saw red. And I kept thinking about it, over and over again. I know I’m not home to find love, or even have a casual relationship with a woman, but I couldn’t help myself. The very thought of anyone going near Brenda with anger in their heart made me want to break things.

“Yeah, maybe a day of fishing would do me some good.” I turned to follow him out to the garage to grab some of our fishing gear. Dad stopped on the way to our usual spot to get some bait and then we were unpacking everything and setting up for a day on the bank of the calm, meandering river.

“I haven’t been fishing since I left home,” I said after a while, my fingers gently grasping the reel. “I’ve missed it.”

“I thought you might like a day of fishing. I miss those days with you.” Dad said, getting seriously close to having a moment with me. I smiled over at him, saying everything with my eyes. He gave a curt nod and then pushed his chin out towards a cooler he’d brought with him. “There’s drinks and sandwiches there. Your mom made the sandwiches.”

“Awesome,” I said and reached into the cooler to pull out a peach soda, grinning because I hadn’t had it in years. “Oh man, that’s my favorite.”

“I know, ” Dad said, looking…happy.

The stress of thinking about this album melted away. I might not be getting much done in that regard, but I was making up for it with the moments I was having with my family.

“So, what’s on your mind today, Cash?” Dad asked carefully, as if afraid he was overstepping.

“Nothing. I don’t know. It’s just something that happened. I caught a guy harassing Brenda. You know, Stacey’s friend?” I replied, not sure I should be telling the woman’s business like this, but I knew Dad would give me good advice, if he had any to give.

“Who was that? Brenda is such a sweet girl!” Dad turned to me with a shocked expression.

“Mitchell. You remember Mike Kettle’s son?” I said, hesitating to go into it further, but needing to know what Dad thought. “He grabbed her arm and was getting really loud about how she should take him back, that they were meant to be together.”

“Ah, right, yeah. They used to date. Still, that doesn’t mean he should harass her like that, but you should keep a cool head, son. But don’t let him do it again if you’re around, either. What I mean is, choose your battles, but fight the ones that matter.” Dad said and I nodded over his wisdom.

“You’re right. I’ll try to not go over there and kick his ass,” I said, my eyes going to my rod when it jerked, but then it stopped. Not a hit, just a nibble at my bait.

“You should ask her out.” Dad said a while later, after we’d both caught a few good-sized fish and let them go. “Stacey absolutely adores that girl. They teach at the same school, you know? She’s a good girl.”

“I know, I met her at the barbecue. She is nice and I like her, but I’m not staying here. And I really need to get some work done on this album. I have to focus on that and get the writing done so I can start recording it.”

Dad nodded slowly, as if understanding the pressures that came with pursuing a music career. “I get it, son. You have ambitions and you’re focused on them. But don’t forget to live a little. You never know when something good might come along.”

I smiled at him, appreciating his words of advice. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll keep that in mind.”

We fished for a while longer, talking about everything and nothing. It was good to spend some quality time with my dad, to reminisce about the old days and catch up on the new. As the sun began to set, we started packing up our gear.

“Same time next week?” Dad asked, tossing me a grin.

“Definitely,” I replied, feeling lighter than I had in days.

“I’m going to take your Mom out for dinner. Can you fend for yourself tonight?” Dad said as we pulled up to the driveway at the house a few hours later.

“Sure, Dad. I can go into town, do some more exploring.” I nodded, thinking about what I could do with my evening.

I showered and changed into a pair of dark blue jeans, a dark blue T-shirt, with a denim jacket on to keep me warm in the cool air of a spring evening. I grabbed the keys to Dad’s old Pontiac and headed down to Main Street. The day before I’d seen that Libre, the old bookstore in town, was still open.

I wanted to find out if they still had that awesome collection of vinyl records that they used to have. Some inspiration would be nice and the selection at Libre had always been great. As soon as I walked in Florence Green, the owner of the bookstore, gave a loud whoop of joy and came over to hug me. “Cash Saunders, as I live and breathe. It’s good to see you, boy.”

The slightly overweight, middle-aged redhead drew me into the kind of bear hug it’s hard to get out of. I hugged her back, enjoying the love she was giving me. “How are you, Flo?”

“I’m good, Cash. Real good. Better for seeing you,” Florence smiled, revealing one of her front teeth had moved over the other, hiding it, but giving her smile charm. She ran a hand over her short hair and looked around. “What brings you in?”

“I thought I’d check out your vinyl collection, if you still have one?” I ran my own hand over my hair, feeling a little nervous now. Here I was, again, out in public without security. But, this was my home town, I knew I was safe. The real worry was creating a media circus for those that I wanted to remind me I was a normal human being the most.

“I’ve got a bunch of your stuff in,” she said with a sly wink from lips she’d coated with purple lipstick. Florence always had been quite a character in a town that was mainly homegrown, conservative, All-Americans. I’d always admired her for the way she stuck out. “But yeah, I keep a good selection of vinyls in, for those that still appreciate music on a record player.”

“I always did like those pops and whistles.” I said, barely sparing a glance for her “Cash Saunders Collection.” I did have a sudden thought, though. I used to spend a lot of time here, back in high school, buying records and music sheets to learn my craft. I should do something for Florence. “Hey, you want me to sign any of that stuff for you?”

“If you want to. I keep it mainly for my own little spark of happiness. It brings me joy, knowing how you’ve succeeded out there.” She patted my back and walked with me the rest of the way to a table at the right side of the store lined with bookshelves. Plastic milk crates held hundreds of albums and I eagerly dug in, flipping through the selection.

I glanced up when I heard a soft thump against the light brown industrial carpet. Brenda was there, picking up a book from the floor. My heart immediately did a flip and a smile crawled across my face. I wanted to rush up to her, ask her if she was okay after yesterday, but my feet were planted to the floor.

She hadn’t looked up, hadn’t seen me, because she was studying the back of the book, engrossed it would seem. Then she tucked a lock of her blond hair behind her ear, revealing more of her pretty face. That just made the whole situation more endearing. Brenda looked up then, just as I, undoubtedly, got a love struck look on my face.

Brenda didn’t turn away, frown, or try to hide from me. Instead, she smiled, an open greeting that invited me in. I felt relief wash over me and it was only then that I knew part of my anxiety had been worry over whether she’d want to come near me after what happened at the grocery store the day before. The invitation in her smile washed all of that away. I lifted my hand and walked over to her.

“Hey, girl, what are you doing here?” I drawled before I thought about how stupid that must sound. I felt my smile falter a bit, but she didn’t say anything. Brenda held up the book.

“Oh, this place is my second home. I’m trying to find something to do this evening. What about you?” She looked behind me at the albums, her smile growing wider. “Looking for some new music?”

“Inspiration.” I said without thinking. I didn’t want to admit I was stuck and couldn’t think of even a verse to write down today. “How come I haven’t run into you before, Brenda? It seems like we should have met a long time ago, especially if you used to come here a lot.”

“Oh, you know how these small towns are. They’re not always as small as you think they are when you’re living there.” Her eyes moved away, back to the book, and I felt a sudden urge to spend more time with her.

“Hey, you want to catch a bite to eat? Mom and Dad are out for the night and I’m on my own. Then you wouldn’t need to buy a book.”

“No, but thanks. I love reading, when I get the chance.”

“Come on, surely you can’t turn down a burger from Wanted Burger and a cherry pie a la mode? With a cherry milkshake, maybe?” I teased, hoping my offer would lure her in. I leaned in a little, giving her a pleading look. “Do me a favor and don’t make me eat alone?”

“Oh, alright. You had me at cherry pie.” She laughed as she spoke, but all I cared about was that she’d agreed. My heart flipped again and I knew I was in trouble, but I couldn’t get her off my mind. Spending a little more time with her would be heaven.

CHAPTER TWELVE
BRENDA

Walking into Wanted Burger, I was enveloped by the oh-so-familiar hum of voices, the clatter of forks against plates, and the unhurried chatter from the kitchen. Marty, a silver-haired man who had been manning the grill since I was a kid, gave me a nod of hello. Darla, the waitress who had waited tables in this little mom-and-pop shop for decades, seated us at a corner booth and glanced between us with a wry twist of her lips pointed at me.

I knew what that look meant…was I on a date? I smiled at her, hoping to reassure her all was well. I didn’t mind, she meant well.

She always knew how to look after me. During chemo she only served up those dishes that didn’t turn my stomach or deaden the taste buds since so many cancer patients end up being nauseous or lose their sense of taste. She knew how much I loved the pie there and had it on her order pad before I’d even asked. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please, Darla.” I responded, looking over at Cash. “What will you have?”

“The same, please.” Cash said, though he’d mentioned a burger earlier.

“That all?” Darla asked, looking over at him. Cash nodded and I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

“I thought you wanted a burger, too?” I laughed softly, not wanting to insult him, just curious.

“I’ve been eating so much since I’ve been home, I’m going to start putting weight on. The pie isn’t exactly healthy, but it’ll hold me over until breakfast.” He said, his cheeks turning a little pink.

“You’re kidding? As if it would be so bad if you put a little weight on,” I said in disbelief. I knew female celebrities were hounded to look like pencils but I didn’t think it was the same for men.

“It’s killer out there in the world for men and women. We’re just as likely to be ridiculed if we put on too much weight as the women are. Believe me, I’ve seen it happen to friends.” He said, but then clamped his mouth shut. Loyalty made him do that, instinct told me. I liked that.

“That’s just sad. Short and round, tall and thin, we all come in a variety of packages. That’s not what matters,” I said, hating that the world was so judgemental. I thought about the scar under my right armpit, the deep scar where I’d had a lumpectomy to remove the cancerous cells that grew there. It had been done to try to save my breast tissue, but I knew my future would depend on how well I took care of myself now. It was a huge hit to my identity, to who I thought I was as a female, that ugly scar, but it was a part of me I’d tried to accept. It could be worse, I could have no breasts at all now.

I tried to change the subject, to go for something lighter. Darla sauntered back over to bring our coffee to us and my stomach grew tight with anxiety. Why did I agree to this again? Suddenly sitting here felt like so much more than just another meal or a chat with a friend.

“So, tell me more about you Brenda.” Cash leaned his elbow on the table. “What do you do with yourself here in Tender Hills? It’s so weird, I feel like I should know you, but I didn’t meet you until I came back.”

I kept the reason for all of that to myself. “I spend most of my time at the school, really. I volunteer for a lot of activities there, when school is done for the day.”

Cash’s eyes widened in interest as I spoke. He asked about my job, what it was like to be a first-grade teacher and my hobbies. I recounted the daily wonders of my profession, the joy of hearing young minds connect ideas and discovering music for the first time with them.

“That all sounds so awesome, especially the part about where you feel like you make connections with the kids. I guess it’s the same for me with my music. When I can see the look in their eyes when they really feel it, when they really get it, then I feel like I’ve accomplished something.”

I nodded, certain that’s what it was like because I was the same about playing the violin. “I guess it is like that. I play the violin and while I’ve never played concerts like you have, it’s magical, watching what you create bring out the emotions in someone.”

There was a shared passion there and I felt my interest in Cash growing. Not because he was famous, but because we understood each other on a level I hadn’t expected. It didn’t hurt that he was handsome, had a great voice, or that he could make great music videos, but that wasn’t all that drew me to him. “I’ve always been a big fan, I just never thought I’d get the chance to meet you.”

I blushed, feeling tension building inside of me when I said that. Now I sounded like a stupid fangirl, gushing over her celebrity crush and I hated myself for it. I’m a grown woman, I shouldn’t be acting like this.

“I’m glad you have and I’m glad I got to meet you too. So, you play the violin? Classical music or something different?” He asked, his coffee cold now, but his pie was gone. I noticed the change of subject, but let it go. He didn’t want to talk about his fans, I didn’t want to talk about my cancer.

Okay, I didn’t want to talk about the cancer because I didn’t want his pity, and he was avoiding talk of fans because it embarrassed him, it was still understandable.

“A little bit of everything, whatever I’m in the mood for.” I said, looking at his coffee, hating that I was the center of attention. “You want a refill?”

“If you don’t mind staying a little while longer, sure.” He leaned back in the booth and looked for Darla.

“You two were so cozied up, I didn’t want to interrupt. What can I get for you?” Darla asked, a smug smile in place. I looked away from that know-it-all smile and muttered that I’d like some water.

“I’ll have a glass of iced tea, please, Darla,” Cash said

“So, what’s it like to be on the road all the time?” I asked once Darla brought our drinks and went back to staring out of the front door, hoping for something to do, no doubt.

“Hectic. In a word, hectic. It’s great sometimes. Meeting my fans, getting a group of people hyped up, singing my heart out, that’s great. The long nights, missing my family, all the travel, the constant need for security, and to watch what I say, being under the spotlight? That’s tough. Real tough sometimes.” Cash looked down at his glass of tea and I voiced the word he hadn’t spoken.

“It sounds lonely.” I looked away this time, feeling that I might have overstepped myself.

“It can be, yeah. I don’t plan on being gone so long with this next album. If I ever get the songs written.” He winced at the end, and I knew he’d let that slip without thinking.

“Writer’s block?” I asked, wondering if that was the right term.

“Either that or I’m a one hit wonder, and I’d hate to think that was it for me. But, if it is, then I guess I’ll have to be grateful. It’s been a whirlwind rodeo ride for the last five years. Maybe I need some time to come down from it. I just don’t have a lot of that before my next album is due.”

“Will they be like your last album?” I wondered out loud. “It’s just that I loved those songs so much. They really got me through some…hard times.”

“I hear that a lot, and I’m glad they did. I don’t know what my next album will be. I think it’ll be different, though.” Cash met my gaze this time and I felt my heart thud hard and fast in my chest. I loved his eyes so much and right now? They weren’t hiding anything from me. I saw his worry, but also his delight in being there with me.

I smiled and took a deep breath. “I’m a good listener, if you ever want to talk about it. And I know some great nursery rhymes that might inspire you.”

That made him laugh, which is what I was hoping for.

We finished our drinks after that and he walked me back to the bookstore, where my car was parked.

“I had a really great time this evening, Brenda. Thank you so much for spending it with me. Can I ask you if we can do it again one night?”

“It was my pleasure, Cash. And maybe. Do you remember Pic & Strings? You can meet me there tomorrow, after school lets out. You can help me choose some new sheet music.”

“I’d love that. Want me to meet you there or at the school?” He asked, standing a little close. Suddenly, I didn’t mind. Twilight was long gone and the darkness had settled in, but I could hear frogs singing somewhere. Overhead, the stars filled the sky, and it was just…perfect. I almost wanted him to kiss me, but I pulled my lips between my teeth and opened my door before I could make a fool of myself by closing my eyes and holding up my face for him.

“I’ll meet you at the shop. Thanks, Cash and good night.” I said as I got into the car, my keys in hand.

“See you, tomorrow, Bren. Drive home safe. Good night.” Cash stayed until I started the car and drove off. My heart skipped a beat when I looked in my rearview mirror and caught him watching me with a thoughtful expression on his face. What was I doing?

Living, I thought to myself. Living a little, for once.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CASH

As I sit on the back porch, I can’t help but think of Brenda and the way she laughed, and made me laugh, while we were having pie and coffee the evening before. Her smile flashed in my mind like a beacon, and I couldn’t help but feel myself relaxing, falling into her more and more, as the sun marched across the sky. I looked down and noticed my notebook was still open, the pen resting just inches from the blank page.

Words come to my mind and I dash them down. I don’t think about it too hard, I just write what I see in my head, what I feel deep inside, as I think about her. I write about the way her laugh sounds like music to my ears, the way she looks into my eyes when she talks, not away like so many people do when they meet me. She treats me like I’m a real person and that makes me feel so…alive.

The words flow out and I write about the way her hair falls in soft waves down her back, the way her eyes sparkle when she’s happy. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest while I write, my thoughts consumed by Brenda. I imagine what it would be like to have her in my arms, to kiss her bare lips and taste her sweetness.

My hand moves across the page, the words pouring out of me like a river. I don’t even notice the time passing as I write, my mind consumed by the thought of the possibilities, what the future might hold, if I took a chance on her. But would I?

Hm, should I name it that, I wonder, looking down at the page. Should I? That might be a better title. Should I do it? Should I take the plunge, should I let rivers of gold hair that feel like silk distract me, consume me this way? Should I put it all on the line for lips that taste like cherry pie in the moonlight?

I wrote it all down and didn’t worry about whether it made sense. The words were flowing and that was what mattered at the moment.

“Cash? You going to sit out here all day? I thought you were going into town at 3?” Mom called from the back door. I looked at her and then at my watch.

Dang it. I got so wrapped up in writing that I forgot to pay attention to the time. It was 2:45, and I needed to get downtown.

“Thanks for the reminder, Mom. I’ll see you some time this evening.” I said as I whipped by her, dropping a kiss on her cheek as I did so. She smiled in a pleased way, even though I hadn’t told her why I was going downtown. I’m sure she knew, seeing as it was a small town, I’m sure she already knew I’d been at the diner with Brenda.

I grab the keys to Dad’s car and head out, making it to Pic & String with minutes to spare. I didn’t want to be late for our…date? I’m not sure if it was a date, but I kind of wanted it to be. The thought of being with her again made the day so much brighter and for the first time in a while, I was actually looking forward to spending time with someone. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like that about someone that wasn’t family.

Even back in LA, everyone I met up with brought some problem with them. My PA didn’t have enough stuff to put on my social media and wanted more pictures of me, more music clips, little tidbits about what I was working on. My manager wanted to know about the album, when they could plan tour dates, when I was coming back to LA. As for anyone else, there was always the issue of money and what they needed. Nobody ever asked me what I needed, it was always what I had to give them.

Which was something I like about Brenda, she asked me how I was, what I wanted, what I needed. I did the same with her, of course, but it was nice to have it reciprocated. I sat on a bench on the sidewalk in front of the shop along Main Street, starting to wonder if she’d bailed on me as time slipped by. Fifteen minutes after we’d said we’d meet, I finally saw her little car pulling up and smiled in relief. She hadn’t ditched me after all.

“Hey, I’m so sorry,” she said as she rushed up to me, her face downcast. “We had trouble with one of the kids getting on the wrong bus and had to convince her that the one we were putting her on was the right one. Kids get the strangest notions in their heads sometimes.”

Brenda swiped a hand over her hair and I noticed little strands of hair sticking out of the braid that went down her back. She looked so frazzled that it made me want to hold her close and help her calm down. I didn’t know her well enough to do that, however, so I offered her a smile and a hand. She surprised me when she took it. I squeezed her warm, slim fingers, as I looked into her eyes.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind waiting for you.” I said it softly, and I wondered if I was saying something else entirely.

The way her head tilted to the right and her bottom lip curved up made me wonder if she’d heard that too. She looked pleased for a second, then dropped my hand. “I’m glad you understand. I’d have called, but we never exchanged numbers.”

“Oh, right, give me your phone.” I held out my hand and waited for her to put the device in my hand. I quickly added a name and my number then gave it back to her.

“Stacey’s brother? I could have just your name in,” Brenda questioned with a laugh. Our eyes caught, and it was another one of those moments where awareness bloomed to life, even though we weren’t touching. For the hundredth time in the last hour, I wondered what it would be like to hold her in my arms, to kiss those firm lips of hers. As I thought about it, I must have given her a deep look because she blushed and looked away, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. I’d noticed she messed with her hair when she was nervous, as if touching the strands reassured her that everything was okay.

It was something else I found endearing about her. I cleared my face and nodded towards the shop. “Shall we?”

Brenda nodded and we went into the store, empty except for the owner, a man that was dear to my heart. Brett came rushing over as soon as he saw my face. At first, the man that taught me all I know about playing music got this awestruck look on his face that made me chuckle to myself, but then he exploded into motion to run over and hug me.

“Cash, how are you my boy?” The round fella asked me, his cheeks red with happiness.

“I’m doing alright, Brett, how about you, buddy?” I asked in my best country boy voice, teasing him. “Still picking and a singing?”

“Oh yes, my boy. Always. Even if it is a little harder to reach my guitar these days,” Brett said with a delighted chuckle. “I see you brought Brenda in with you. Nice to see you again, ma’am.”

Brenda nodded from where she stood behind me, letting me exchange pleasantries with my old music teacher.

“You know Brenda, then?” I asked, a little surprised, but then, I guess I shouldn’t be. She wasn’t new to town, after all.

“Oh yes, I’ve seen her in here a few times. Sheet music for violins, isn’t it?” Brett asked, his eyes up and his right finger against his chin as he thought it over.

“Yes, that’s right.” Brenda smiled brightly, as if he’d made her day by remembering her.

“Well, come on in. What are you looking for today?” Brett turned to look at the store, as if wondering what I could possibly want.

“Brenda wants something new, something she hasn’t played before, I think,” I wagered a guess and knew I was right when she looked at me in surprise.

“How did you know?” She asked as we walked in that direction.

“Educated guess, really. Let’s see.” We both went quiet as we looked over the music sheets on offer. I found something modern and contemporary, that I really liked and handed it to her.

“Oh, I don’t play music that contemporary. Besides, this is sheet music for guitars.”

“I know, but I could convert it for you, it wouldn’t be too hard, and bring it to you tomorrow.” I offered, hearing myself add more work to my day but not caring if it made her smile.

“It’s a challenge, but alright. I accept. Although, I don’t think it’ll convert easily, the guitar is a bit harder for my fingers. But if you think you can do it, I’ll give it a try. What’s the catch?”

“You have dinner with me tomorrow?” I waited for her answer, holding my breath, knowing she could say no at any moment. How much would it break my heart to see this all end so soon?

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
BRENDA

Why am I so stupid, I wondered as I looked in my closet the afternoon after my trip to the music shop with Cash. I’d put up all these walls for protection after I split up with Mitchell, walls that meant romance wasn’t even on my radar most of the time and now I’ve agreed to dinner with the last man I should be going with. The man was a playboy, I’d seen pictures of him with actual starlets on his arm online, and I really thought he wanted to have a relationship with a nobody like me?

I groaned as I pulled out an olive green flowy dress from Target and slipped into it. It’s like Cash has this pull over me and I can’t seem to resist that pull. Or how handsome he is. Or how I melt when he casts those blue eyes of his my way. It feels so right when I’m with him, like the two of us together was how it was meant to be.

But I barely knew him, and he barely knew me. How could there be anything between us that wasn’t driven by hormones and chemicals? Still, I looked at myself in the mirror, liking how the dress hugged my figure but relaxed in all the right places. I’d just dashed on some lip gloss when my doorbell rang.

“Oh my,” I said when I opened the door, my eyebrows shooting up as I caught sight of him. Cash wore a pair of dark gray slacks, brown loafers, and a dark gray suit jacket. Definitely fancy. “Um, should I change?”

“No, why? You look amazing,” he looked me up and down as if to prove it and wiggled his eyebrows at me in a way that made a laugh bubble up my throat.

“Cool. I’ll grab my bag and a jacket then.” I reached against the wall for both, where they hung on hooks, made sure my keys and phone were in my bag, and turned the lock on the door. “I’m ready.”

“Great. Do you mind if we go to Crossroads for dinner? I want a really nice steak, one of those Japanese ones, and the only place near us that does them is there. Is that alright?”

“That’s fine with me.” I replied, though I didn’t know much about Crossroads other than its hospital system and testing centers I’d been to during my cancer treatment. Otherwise, I could find everything I needed right there in Tender Hills.

“How was your day?” I asked, wishing I’d done something a little fancier with my hair other than brush it out. I’d thought we were headed to somewhere in town, not to a Japanese steakhouse. Weren’t those…expensive?

I was getting anxious, feeling uncomfortable at the thought of eating somewhere that would charge us a fortune, but when I looked over at him to ask him if we could stay in town, I couldn’t. He looked so excited that I couldn’t burst his bubble.

“It was good actually. I finished writing a song, I’ve even got the sheet music down for the guitar.” He sounded really excited about that so I didn’t bother to remind him about the violin music he was supposed to do for me. He was a busy guy, with obligations. I was just…a friend.

“What’s it about? Small towns and big city lights?” I asked, teasing him. “Or did you lose your truck again?”

“I can’t believe that song is one of people’s favorites. I wrote it as something to get the crowd going, but never thought people would get so worked up over a song about losing your truck after a night out.” Cash shook his head, flashing his eyes and smile at me before he turned back to the road. “It’s such a cliche, but people love it.”

“I do, too, actually. It’s fun and funny.” I replied, thinking about the song he’d called “Truck This”. It was catchy, definitely funny, and a great song to sing along to when you were driving to work. “I bet you’ve had a lot of fun on stage.”

“I have, but you know what? I’m having a lot of fun with you.” He did that quick glance thing again and my heart actually pitter-pattered in my chest.

I felt breathless for a second, but I was so pleased at the compliment, I could barely think. “Thanks. Me too.”

The drive was uneventful, even with the evening traffic. Cash was a good, careful driver and we were there before I knew it. Cash pulled up outside the huge building and got out of the car without stopping. I was about to ask what he was doing when a man opened my door. I saw his button up shirt had the name of the restaurant on it with the word ‘valet’ embroidered on the right upper chest. Oh.

It was that kind of place.

Wow.

I pushed my hand through my hair, tugging at it a little while I worried about how much this was going to cost me. I should have asked him about the prices.

“Hey, aren’t you Cash Saunders? Your music’s awesome!” The young man said as Cash came around to take a ticket from the guy.

“I am, yeah. And thanks. Have a good evening,” Cash said politely before he guided me away to the front door of the place with a hand at my lower back.

I smiled as we walked in, thinking it must be nice for him to be talked to like that. What would it be like to have people recognize you and love your music so much? It must be great for him.

I got another taste of his fame when the hostess actually dropped down into her seat. She’d stood up to greet us until she saw who I was with. For a long few seconds she blinked, then got a really huge grin on her face. “Wow, Mr. Saunders. It’s an honor to meet you.”

“Thanks. Do you have a table available for us?” Cash said, looking over at me. The woman ignored me, her eyes wide and full of something I didn’t like.

“Oh we sure do, Mr. Saunders. You follow me, honey, and I’ll give you the best…table in the place.” I caught that pause, as if she’d been about to say something else. Was she flirting with my date?

But then, who could blame her? I might do the same thing if the roles were reversed.

The woman totally blanked me as she stared at Cash like he was the second coming of the messiah and asked him a hundred questions before she sauntered off with one last shot over her shoulder. “I’m bringing you the best wine we have in the house, honey, don’t you worry about a thing.”

I blinked rapidly. Didn’t she think she should ask before offering alcohol. Did it matter that I was on medication that meant I could have one glass, maybe two, but that was it? No, it seemed not.

I tried to bite down on my anger, and might have, if Cash had been able to finish the sentence he started as he turned back to me, but he wasn’t. The waitress came prancing over, followed by the rest of every staff member in the place.

Someone brought out breadsticks and I stuffed one in my mouth to stop myself from shouting at the people that were interrupting our dinner date. When a gaggle of giggling girls came over, followed by some older women, despite the fact that we were at a private table at the back of the restaurant, I nearly flipped my lid.

I felt self-conscious, under dressed, and totally ignored. Every time I tried to say something to Cash, I’d get interrupted. Every time I cleared my throat, he’d look at me, but then someone would draw his attention away with a question or a plea for an autograph. He’s signing napkins, cellphone cases, anything people could shove in his hands, and he does it all with a smile. A few guys came over to shake his hand and I excuse myself to go to the bathroom before I have an absolute meltdown in the middle of this very fancy restaurant.

I’m in tears by the time I’m away from the noise of it all. But I’m not surprised I’m outside. Alone. Asking the valet to call me a cab. Cash hadn’t even looked at me when I said I was going to the bathroom. I doubted he’d notice if I found my own way home. I wasn’t sticking around for that nonsense.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CASH

I’d planned on a good steak, a nice glass of fragrant red wine, and a whole lot of good conversation with Brenda all day long. I’d written a few more lyrics to a new song and then I’d spent the rest of the day with Dad, helping him paint the back of the house, while daydreaming about Brenda and that beautiful smile of hers.

She looked so adorable when I picked her up and I loved that dress on her. She was feminine in it, without being over the top, and I liked her style. I felt kind of bad when she asked if she was underdressed when she saw me and reassured her she wasn’t because I didn’t want her to have to change. I wanted our first real date to be perfect.

I knew I’d made a huge mistake when the valet recognized me. And then the hostess at the door had made it obvious she was flirting. I should have demanded my privacy when the entire staff of the restaurant came out to meet me like I was a spectacle.

Then it progressively got worse as strangers came up. I kept looking around for security, but as I kept reminding myself, they weren’t there. I’d made a mistake and hadn’t scouted the place out first, hadn’t booked the entire place for us, hadn’t had a sensible thought, really. I’d forgotten I wasn’t a normal guy with a beautiful woman waiting to have dinner with him. I was a celebrity, and we don’t always get to have private nights to ourselves.

I hated to turn fans away, hated the idea of making them think I was a jerk, so I signed napkins and touched the necklace Mom gave me, something I always did when I needed to feel in control. Normally, I was very controlling about my privacy, but I’d let that slip while I was home. I’d forgot what it was like. I let the necklace go and signed yet another napkin. How many more people were in this place? Was there a line going around the block, or something?

I looked up, realizing Bren was still gone. She’d said something about the bathroom hadn’t she? Where was she? I gave my plastic smile to the next old lady that wanted to tell me how gorgeous I was and about their beautiful granddaughter, but all I was thinking was, I’m already here with a beautiful woman, you people just won’t let me talk to her.

I was about to lose my cool with the current grandma when I saw someone else go into the bathroom. It was a one person at a time kind of place so I knew Brenda wasn’t in there. Where was she?

“Ma’am, please. Excuse me. I came here for dinner with a lovely young woman and I seem to have lost her. Excuse me,” I said to the woman who was still talking as I walked away.

I shouldn’t have brought her to the city, we should have stayed in Tender Hills, but I had to go and show off, didn’t I? I wanted a stupid Japanese steak and I wanted to impress her. Instead, I’ve driven her outside to get away from the circus. Only, Brenda wasn’t outside, either.

I looked around but couldn’t find her. She wasn’t in my car, so I went back inside and asked one of the waitresses to check the bathroom.

“There’s nobody in there,” the terrified looking little blond girl said.

“Oh. Um. Okay. Thanks. Can you get my bill for me, please? I think there’s just a bottle of wine on it.” Because we didn’t even have time to order food before I got mobbed.

I jetted through the payment process then raced out to get my car, calling Bren over and over again. Only, she didn’t answer. Man, she must be seriously angry and I can’t blame her. I’d blown her off, barely acknowledged her as I dealt with the fans, then I’d barely noticed when she left the table. What kind of date was I?

The jerk kind, that’s what kind, I thought as I drove away from the restaurant and back towards Tender Hills.

But what if that’s not what had happened at all? What if some nut saw her with me and took her because of who I am. It wouldn’t be the first time a jealous fan of a celebrity has done something insane like that. Had that been what happened?

In a panic now, I stop at a gas station and call the restaurant. I ask to speak to the valet and get put through right away.

I told him who I was and the guy sounded terrified. “Um, how can I help you, sir?”

“The beautiful blond lady in the green dress that I came with? Did you see her leave?” I asked, hoping he had, my mind overclocking with possibilities.

“Oh yeah, I called a cab for her about a half hour before you came out to get the car.”

“Okay, good. Thanks. Have a good night.”

Right. So, she’d blown me off, and who could blame her?

I drove straight to her house when I got back to Tender Hills. I got out of the car and walked up to her front door. The lights were off inside and her car was home, but she could be pretending she wasn’t home and I felt like a complete jerk. I had to tell her how terrible I felt about all of this and make it up to her somehow.

But where was she? I drove back to Mom and Dad’s but sat in the parking lot, wondering where she was.

The answer came as my phone began to ring. It was my sister, Stacey.

“Did you really take my best friend out on a date only to ignore her so much she left, Cash? Did you really? Please tell me you didn’t because I hate to make Mom cry by killing her favorite son. Please, please tell me you didn’t sign autographs and flirt with the hostess and everyone else that came near you that was female?”

“It’s what happens,” I started, but Stacey shouted so loud that I pushed my phone away from me.

“You absolute idiot!” She screamed at me, adding a few choice names to the list. Things she definitely wouldn’t call me in front of Mom. “I can’t believe you’d do that Brenda, Cash. She deserves so much better than that. She’s on her way home now, but she’s been on my couch crying because of you and right now? Right now I absolutely hate you for this. You don’t get to come back home after five years of being on tour or whatever excuse you’ve used all these years and treat my best friend like she’s some groupie that you can throw away when it’s convenient. I won’t have it, Cash. I simply will not. You complete and utter ass. I hope you know”

I was about to tell her she was right. I was totally going to tell her that I wanted to apologize to Brenda and make it up to her, but Stacey hung up on me. I deserved that too.

But Brenda didn’t deserve to spend one more moment crying. I had to tell her that I was sorry, I had to promise to never let that happen again. I turned the car back on and back up out of the driveway. I had a huge apology to make. I only hoped she’d let me in to give it to her.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN
BRENDA

My first instinct after the fiasco at the restaurant with Cash had been to race over to my best friend Stacey’s house to tell her about how horrible my date had been. I’d paid for the taxi, got into my car, and driven over to her house. The moment she saw my face, she drew me into the house and hugged me tight.

“What’s wrong, babe? Huh? Come on, tell me. What’s going on?” She asked, deep concern dripping from each word she spoke. Her motherly instinct must have kicked in because she stroked my head and made all the appropriate noises as I sobbed out what Cash had done.

“Cash? You went on a date with my brother? Oh my God, Brenda, why? He’s such a jerk.” Stacey pulled away, her face twisted slightly with confusion. “He doesn’t deserve someone like you. Someone as good, and honest, and sweet as you deserves so much better.

I went pale, feeling the impact of her words, but not because she’d said he didn’t deserve me. I’d come over here without taking into account that Cash was her brother. That made it impossibly unfair to complain to her, but Stacey dragged it out of me. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t be here dumping this in your lap. He’s your brother and you have a baby to think of…,”

“No,” she said quickly, swiping her hand in front of her face as she pulled away from me. “You’re my best friend, Bren, and who else would understand? Anybody else would coo about how famous he is, and how handsome he is. They wouldn’t see that all of that is just artifice. Under all of that sex appeal, he’s a man, and men can be such jerks. Especially him.”

I wanted to protest but she held up a finger to silence me as she hit buttons on her phone with her other hand. I stared at her, hoping she wasn’t going to do what I thought she was. The minute she started to speak I knew she had. I sank down to her couch as embarrassment washed over me.

Still, it did make me feel better when she let Cash have it, with both barrels so to speak. She eventually hung up, then sat down on the couch with me. “Do you want ice cream and cookies? I’ve got a ton of it in the freezer. We went shopping today.”

That brought a smile to my face, but I knew I should go. She, no doubt, had an evening at home planned with her family and I didn’t want to intrude any longer than I had. I put my hand on her cheek and smiled bravely. Well, as bravely as I could under the circumstances. “I should go. You have plans and I need to be a big girl. I’ve got a tub of cookie dough ice cream in my own freezer. Thank you, though, for sticking up for me. I love you.”

“I love you too, and I meant every word I said to him. Let me know when you get home, okay? And no crying in the car to sad songs on the way home.” She hugged me tight and then I stood up to go.

“I’ll see you at school,” I said over my shoulder as I picked up my bag from the floor where I dropped it and walked out of the door.

I felt like a bad friend for complaining about her brother the way I had, but she hadn’t seemed to mind. She’d even made me feel a little better about the situation. But only a little. It was a fact that I was a ticking time bomb.

There was something defective in my body that made it possible for cancer to infiltrate my body. No matter how much I stuck to healthy living, or took my medicine, or lived a good, clean life, it was always going to be true that the cancer could come back. Cash deserved a starlet, one that was cancer-free and beautiful. I tensed up as I drove through the quiet streets, trying to make myself stop being so melodramatic. I would not cry anymore. Not over anything. Today. Maybe.

When I made it back to my place, I washed my face, bundled up my hair into a bun, and put on my favorite rainbow fleece pajamas with unicorns and clouds all over them. They were my guilty pleasure, fleece pajamas and I’d bought several new pairs for myself for Christmas. I’d only get a few more nights of wear out of them before it would be too warm for them, so I snuggled up on my couch with a pint of ice cream and put my favorite movie channel on. I was determined not to cry over Cash, or obsess over the fact that I wasn’t the kind of woman he needed anymore.

The movie was just starting to get somewhere when my doorbell rang. There were only a few people that would ring my doorbell at any time. Stacey and my parents. I knew Stacey would be at home, cuddled up on the couch with her own Prince Charming. I dreaded having to deal with my mother tonight, but I tried to screw my face into something happy to fool her into thinking I was fine.

She’d probably driven by the house and saw my lights were off. Knowing Mom, she’d taken it upon herself to give me a lecture about being out late. But then, that didn’t make sense. If she thought I wasn’t home she’d called me. I flung open the door, prepared to tell Mom to mind her own business, my free hand already on my hair, trying to tidy it so she wouldn’t lecture me on that too, but it wasn’t my mom standing there.

It was Cash.

I frowned at the way my heart started to beat frantically in my chest, hating the way my brain sent out signals to my body to be overjoyed to see him. He’d totally blanked me at that restaurant, treated me like I was an afterthought, and whether he deserved a starlet or not, I deserved to be treated like a human being. I didn’t want to talk to him, even if my body was happy to see him.

“I’m busy. Go away.” I told him, glaring as I pushed the door to close it.

Only, he puts his foot in the door jamb so it wouldn’t close. “Brenda, you have every right to be mad. I’d just like to apologize.”

I growled at him, actually growled, and closed the door against his foot harder, in warning. “I don’t want to hear it. You need to leave. Now.”

“But, Brenda, please,” he starts to say, but that just makes me angrier.

“You showed me exactly how you live when you aren’t in Tender Hills. Whether you meant to or not, you showed me that we are not meant for each other. What happened at the restaurant is not okay, either. I couldn’t live with that every day. We’d be bad for each other and I don’t want to go down that road. Our lives are too different. Now please. Respect what I’ve said and leave me alone. Good night.”

Cash looked like he was about to protest again, but he clamped his mouth shut, turned around, and walked away. I wanted to call out to him, to tell him to come back, but I didn’t. What I’d said was true. I’d seen a side of Cash’s life, and of him, that I hadn’t liked at all. I didn’t want to be an afterthought, or put on the backburner with a man that could one day be my partner through life.

Despite the fact that I’m a defective little time bomb, I’ve been through a lot and I deserve better than being someone’s second fiddle. I tried to finish the movie but ended up with my pink fleece blanket over my head, crying into my pillow. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to end. At all.

My only consolation, the only thing that kept me from being a puddle on the floor, was that at least I’d found out early. Before I could totally fall in love with the illusion that I’d built around Cash. Before I could get in way too far to get out.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CASH

Bright LED headlights blinded me from the other side of the street as I drove away from Brenda’s place, back to my childhood home. I knew Brenda had been upset when she got up and left the restaurant. I totally understood that, but she’d put the brakes on everything over it. And she’d slammed the door in my face.

I wasn’t so full of myself that I thought she didn’t deserve me, or that I was too good for her. Rather, I thought that I’d messed this up bad. I’d told myself from the moment I set eyes on her that I wasn’t here for a relationship, but I’d been telling myself lies. I wanted to be her man, I wanted to be the one she came home to every night, the one that made her smile on the bad days, and was there to enjoy the good days with her. I wanted to be the one she depended on because I was there when she needed me, for whatever she needed me for. If only she’d let me explain, but what was there to explain? I’d let her down.

A song blossomed to life in my head, words I had to stop the car and write down. A song about Brenda. I scrambled around in the glove box until I found a pen and some old envelopes to write on. The song blossomed into life in an instant, and I turned the car off as every bit of it came to life, even down to the guitar chords and the instruments that should accompany it. I thought I was done, but more flowed out of me and I found a napkin to write that one down on.

I ended up having to take the letters inside the envelopes out to write on the back of them. I was so engrossed in the writing, making notes, that I didn’t even think about how cold it was in the car, or about how long I was on the side of the road. I didn’t even think about how Mom and Dad might worry, I was too caught up in my emotions, in the moment, in the passion to notice anything.

By the time I finished, I looked over all the papers and knew I had an album. I just needed to check the chords over. To do that, I needed a guitar which meant I finally had to get out of this car and back to the house. I turned the key in the ignition and put the car into drive. I sped home, thankful that I didn’t pass any cops with radar guns.

The house was dark when I walked in so I crept to my room, got my guitar, put on an old coat I found in the closet, and went out to the garage with my notebooks and the papers from the car under my arm. I shuffled through the papers until I found the one I wanted to be the first song on the album.

“Once Upon A Smile,” came to life as a soft ballad when I wrote it. Now, I plucked at the strings of my guitar until a haunting melody added to the hopefulness of the song. I moved onto song two, though I hadn’t quite decided on the name of it. I worked for hours, afraid that if I stopped and went to sleep I’d lose the momentum, lose the chain of thought that had inspired this manic burst of creativity.

By the time the words were written down neatly in a songwriting notebook, with the sheet music filled in with pencil, I was exhausted, but pleased. I hadn’t noticed the sun coming up or the fact that breakfast was being made until Mom came out with a hot cup of coffee. “Have you been up all night, son?”

“What?” I asked, bleary-eyed, but grateful for the fragrant liquid that would see me through breakfast, at least, before I passed out from exhaustion. “Oh, yes. I thought I was all dried up, without any songs left in me, but I think I have an album ready to go now. I just need to record it.”

“I guess your date went well, then?” Mom asked, joy sparkling in her eyes, deepening the lines around her mouth and eyelids. Somehow, those signs of age only made her more beautiful in my eyes. I hated to take that joy from her, but I did, with a wince at my own stupidity.

“No, actually. It went horribly wrong. She ended up calling a cab to take her home and to be honest? I can’t say that I blame her. I was a real jerk. A jerk that was trying to please fans, but still a jerk.” I nodded at the way she gasped, seeing the question in her eyes before she spoke it.

“What did you do?” Mom asked, but then remembered she was cooking. “Come inside and tell me everything.”

I told her every detail about how stupid I’d been, letting my fans take over my date, not arranging proper security, and everything else. It was my own fault for trying to be a people pleaser. I’d ended up pleasing the fans, but the one person I should have been looking after was Brenda.

“If it’s meant to be, she’ll forgive you, son. You just have to fight for her, stand your ground and explain to her you didn’t mean to be the jerk that you very much were.” Mom gave me that mom look as she spoke, letting me know she sided with Brenda on this one. And I can’t say that I blame her.

“What’s going on?” Dad asked as he came in, his voice sleepy as he belted up his blue flannel bathrobe. Mom filled him in and I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I got the ‘what kind of bonehead are you’ look from him. The stupid kind, that’s what. “I suppose you’re going to apologize, right?”

“When she lets me. I think she needs some time to cool down a little.” I added, then filled him in on the part where she closed the door in my face.

“Yeah, let her cool down first,” Dad answered, glancing at Mom as he said so. That advice came from experience then, I thought with an inward smug smile. “You going to the charity event tonight?”

“What charity event,” I asked, taking the pancakes Mom brought over along with a plate of eggs and bacon. I loaded up my plate with pancakes while Dad worked on putting eggs and bacon on his. We switched, just as Mom sat down with her own cup of coffee and a plate of French Toast. She didn’t like pancakes.

When I saw her plate I thought, for the millionth time in my life, who doesn’t like pancakes?

“The event is a kind of fair at the elementary school library. The elementary school needs new books in the classrooms, so the teachers are helping the school out with a fundraiser.”

“Oh, that sounds cool. Yeah, I’ll come. What time?” I asked, wondering if I could just make a donation for the whole amount. I had plenty of money and if it helped out Stacey and Bren, I was up for it.

Once Mom told me what time they were leaving I finished eating. “I’m going to have a nap, wake me up in a few hours, please? I don’t want to sleep all day. I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Plus, I need to make some phone calls about my album, so I’ll need to be up.”

“Sure, Cash, I’ll get you up,” Dad said with a twinkle in his eye. I knew what that twinkle meant, he was feeling a joke coming on.

“You’re going to wake me up with the lawnmower, are you?” I groaned, frowning over at him, but with a smile. I knew that was exactly what he was going to do.

“I don’t know, son. Spring has sprung and that grass looks like it needs to be taught who’s boss around here. I’ll have a look later, see what I think.” Dad was one of those guys that would mow an entire lawn if he saw one blade of grass sticking up longer than he thought it should. A quick glance out the kitchen window into the backyard told me he’d have his riding lawnmower out in no time, ready to commence the annual battle with the grass. After a good tune up, of course. I shook my head with a soft chuckle as I turned to head to my room. It was good to know some things never changed.

There was still a pain in my heart from what had happened with Brenda, but it was good to know my Dad was the same man I’d grown up with. I’d almost forgotten about Dad and his lawn mowing craze. I definitely needed to come home more often. And not just to see if I could patch things up with Brenda.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
BRENDA

“Right, this is what we should do,” Stacey said, taking charge just as the fair seemed to be on the verge of total collapse early the morning after my date with Cash. Well, what should have been a date and wasn’t. “Since Marjory called in with a family emergency and isn’t here to direct us, I think we should do this the way she’d want it done.”

Stacey was able to take charge when she needed to and she definitely needed to today. The other teachers and parent volunteers were all just wandering around aimlessly, not sure what they should do without the teacher with the most seniority at the school there to direct us.

“Bren, you take the auditorium, get it ready for the auction. Make sure the little stage area is all ready for us. Millie, you take the library over, setting up tables for the bake sale goods. Abby, I need you to decorate the gelato table. The vendor will be here later, but they asked that we decorate that before they get here.” Stacey paused to take a breath and looked down at the clipboard in her hand. “What else?”

I looked around, but nobody seemed eager to volunteer for anything. “We need someone to sell tickets for the game booths, and someone to make sure that the sandwich stand is stocked up. Come on people, let’s get this started. We’re here for the kids, not our egos.”

I was surprised at how take-charge I sounded, but liked it. Even if most of it was driven by my annoyance over how much I kept thinking about Cash. I’d sworn I’d close that chapter of my life and not think about him anymore when I got up that morning, but I still found myself thinking of him at the oddest times.

I saw everyone jump to attention in the library. The way they broke off into groups to take care of everything, finally, made me smile. Maybe I needed to be a little more assertive, more often.

I headed off to the auditorium to check the sound system and decorate as much as I could. I taped book decorations to the lectern and over the curtains on each side, before I moved on to adding streamers to bring a splash of the school colors to it all. I went to my own classroom after that and unlocked the door. The donated items were in here and I wanted to check them again, afraid that something had happened to them. Everything was still there and in perfect order. I left the room and went back to see how everything else was going.

We were going to open at lunchtime to sell sandwiches, drinks, hot dogs and the first set of baked goods. After that we’d start on the more sinfully sweet and decadent baked goods, all made by volunteers. I walked around, waiting to see if I was needed, but now that everyone had a direction they were all doing fine. I made my way over to Stacey.

“Those quilts are beautiful,” I said, nodding at the intricate quilts one of the older patrons donated, handmade quilts that must have taken the woman hours.

“I know. She doesn’t have any family left to leave them to and wanted to give back to the community. She does it as a hobby, so she was happy to donate these three to us.” I looked at the purple and white quilt in varying shades of purple. Each block was done with a little Dutch girl, with tulips and a bonnet. The block in the middle had the addition of a windmill as well, embroidered expertly. The other two were tumbling block patterns, one in shade of pink and red, while the other was beige, white, and gray. All three were breathtaking.

“I wish I had this kind of skill.” I said, looking the quilts over again. “I certainly can’t afford to buy them, but maybe I could make one.”

“Girl, YouTube. You can learn how to do everything on YouTube. I learned how to crochet baby clothes and blankets for the baby from there.”

“I might have to give it a try.” I looked over at her, giving her my first real smile of the day. “I’m so glad we decided to do this. Even if Marjory took over and then bailed on us.”

“I know. I couldn’t believe it when she called me this morning.” Stacey sighed deeply and looked around. “I don’t know how it will go, but I’m hoping we can raise what we need.”

“All we can do is try.” I reminded her.

“I know, I just don’t want it to be a waste of time, that’s all.” She shuddered, as if shaking off her negative thoughts. “That’s enough of that. Let’s go unlock the doors and get the grills started out front. You can tell me what else is wrong on the way.”

“Nothing, really,” I replied and rushed over to take up my position behind one of the preparation stations. We had a steady stream of customers through lunch and the volunteers were hard at work grabbing drinks, sanitizing everything, and handing out napkins. I saw quite a few people going towards the library before they came out again with cupcakes, brownies, and bags of cookies.

By the time I was ready to start the auction, I was tired, disheartened, and wondering what we’d done wrong. So far, we’ve only made a quarter of what we need to buy new books for the kids. There was a lot of money changing hands, but it didn’t seem to be adding up to what we thought it would.

“I guess we underpriced a lot of things,” Stacey said before I came to the auditorium. I felt like we’d failed the kids, but if we could make everything we expected on the auction goods, then maybe we could get some of the books, after all.

I walked up to the lectern as people crowded into the auditorium, feeling immensely…sad. I was sad about last night and sad that we’d somehow failed the kids. Or might fail the kids.

“Welcome everyone and thank you for coming tonight,” I said into the microphone, feeling completely self-conscious now as the room went quiet and everyone looked up at me. I was worried I’d start to sweat, but took a deep breath to calm my racing heart. “Tonight, we have some elegant, exciting items up for sale so if you miss one auction, don’t worry, we have quite a few to get through.”

Everyone chuckled quietly and the mom of one of my students brought out the first item up for auction. It was a laptop, brand new, and sold quickly. I got through the next twenty items, feeling a little better about our total.

I felt as if my throat was on fire by the time the last item sold and I wanted a hot cup of tea. Everyone crowded out of the auditorium, going in the direction of the doors or outside. I went to collect the money from the table where buyers paid for their goods, and then made my way to the library. Our total now was better, but we still only had a little over half of what we needed.

I could hear people murmuring and saw a few people rushing, almost running to the library, as I made my way there. I was curious what had their attention but took my time. I found Stacey and handed the money in an envelope to her. “What’s got everyone buzzing?”

Stacey pointed her chin and I turned to see Cash. He was setting up in a section of the library with a guitar and a small microphone. As I watched him, he began to play one of his hit songs. One of my favorites.

Our eyes locked across the room, and for a second, my heart caught in my chest. I forced myself to look away, but felt rooted to the spot. I wanted to rush away but couldn’t. I loved that song and the way he sang it, so beautifully and with so much of his soul in his voice, made me want to hear more.

The song ended and I was about to walk out, but he spoke.

“Evening, folks. First, I’d like to say thanks for coming out. Second, there’s a lady out there I owe an apology to.” He said. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. As if a celebrity like him would ever really be sorry. He was just upset I’d walked away from him. Right? “Third, I want you to know that I’ll be matching whatever the school makes tonight, so get those dollars out of your pockets folks, and out here for the school. These kids deserve some really great books.”

My heart swelled with excitement and joy. He was going to match what we’d made? That meant we’d not only have our total that we needed, but a little more for other things too. Maybe I should give him five minutes of my time. Maybe.

CHAPTER NINETEEN
CASH

Stacey called around 3 pm and begged me to come in and do a surprise set, to help get people to the fair. I’d agreed, hoping to see Bren. I had seen her, but she’d looked away. It was easy to find her in a crowd, she was the angel with golden hair that I could find in a sea of blonds. That amazing smile of hers couldn’t be duplicated. I can’t help but wish she’d turn it on me one more time.

I sang my set with my heart in my voice, hoping she’d hear my plea for a second chance in each song. I’d chosen each song specifically for her. I saw her walk away, swiping at her eyes as she did so, and decided that I’d find her after, see if she’d talk to me now.

As I finished playing, someone turned the radio on. I shook some hands, signed some autographs, but made my way through the crowd. I found her, eyeing a chocolate cake with a $50 price tag but had so much chocolate on it that it was probably worth every penny and the name ‘death by chocolate’. I bought the cake and asked to have it boxed up. After everything was done and she was still there, lingering at the table, I turned to her, box in hand.

“Trade five minutes of your time for what’s in this box?” I offered, hoping she’d see the funny side of it.

“That cake will ruin me,” she said, tense and prickly. “I should check on…,”

Brenda looked around, but couldn’t find anywhere to run to. “Fine. Give me the cake first. I don’t want to lose out on the opportunity if someone asks for your autograph. You might forget you wanted to talk to me again.”

That shot landed and I winced. “I deserve that.”

“You do. Follow me,” she said and took me to a corner of the room that seemed to be ignored. That might be because it was stacked with shelves of books. “What do you want?”

She kept her distance, putting her arms over her chest, but it only made her look more cute. She had on a pink, cotton dress that came down to the floor with a denim jacket over it, her usual white canvas shoes on her feet. Brenda looked every inch the school teacher, cute, but cuddly.

“I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. I’m sorry about what happened. I’d become so comfortable with how things are here in town, I forgot what it was like in the rest of the world. That’s no excuse for ignoring you, and I’m sorry. I also wanted to give you that sheet music. The guitar to violin music?” I pulled it out of my back pocket and handed it over to her.

She took the music, her lips parted just enough that I could see her teeth. Was she…smiling? I couldn’t tell because she’d ducked her head down and her hair fell over her face. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Um, well,” I stood there, uncertain of whether I should try to ask her out again or let her go.

A slow song started to play from the radio and I knew what I should do. “Care to dance? Nobody can see us back here.”

I saw she was about to decline so I put my hands together and gave her my best, straight-up puppy dog eyes. “Please.”

“Fine.” She answered me and I grinned. I held my hands out to her, happy when she stepped into my arms.

It felt good to have Brenda in my arms, right even. I tensed when she brought her face up to look at me and it’s there in an instant, that spark that burns between us. It’s undeniable and I see it reflected in her eyes. She feels it too.

I can’t believe I’m feeling the things I feel for her after such a short amount of time, but Mom always did say I’d find the one, one day. Were these feelings what she’d meant? She’d told me I’d wake up one day, feeling as if I’d been hit with a frying pan, and that all I’d be able to think about was the one, the woman I couldn’t live without. That’s exactly how I felt right now.

“Cash,” Brenda sighed my name with sadness, as if she was about to tell me she had to go. I wanted to finish this dance and the only way to stop her that came to mind was to kiss her.

So, that’s exactly what I did. As we swayed to the music, my lips came down to hers and I felt amazement as she kissed me back, even leaned into me a little bit as she did so. We stopped dancing as I put my hands up to each side of her face. The moment might have gone on forever, might have turned into more, if I hadn’t seen the flash of a camera go off.

“Come on, man, really? Not cool. Not cool at all,” I protested, hating the guy for interrupting the moment that should have lived in my memory forever as the closest I’ve ever been to heaven.

“Sorry, Cash, I’m with the local paper. Have a good night,” the guy said and dashed away before I could jerk the camera out of his hands. I would’ve too, if I’d been a little quicker.

When I looked around, Bren was gone. She’d run away again. I want to chase her but this time? This time, I refused. I can’t chase her all the time. She needs to make up her mind, on her own. If she wants to be with me, she’ll find me, or phone me. If not, I can’t force her to give me a chance. Even if I wanted to run after her and give her a million reasons as to why she should give me a chance.

Just as I was about to walk to my family, I remembered the cake. It wasn’t on the shelf where I’d left it. So, she’d taken the cake. Literally.

I shook my head, chuckling quietly to myself. She really did take the cake, actually.

“Cash, Cash!” Stacey gushed as she rushed up to me. “Are you really going to match our earnings?”

“Of course, just tell me how much and I’ll write you a check.” I suddenly felt very deflated and sad. “I’m going to head home. Let me know what the total is when it’s all over and I’ll be glad to write a check for you.”

“Thank you so much. I take back everything I ever said about you. Except that part about you being a jerk to Brenda. Because you were a jerk to her. I’m still mad about that.”

“Yeah, I know. I”m sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose though. I’ve got to readjust to life in a small town, and then going out into the wider world. I forgot that I have to keep Brenda safe. I won’t forget that again, if we ever work this out.”

“You will, if I have any say in this.” Stacey winked at me, but then frowned. “But if you hurt her, or treat her like a fifth wheel ever again, I will hurt you. Like, castrating hurt you. Not just break your kneecaps, kind of hurt you. I’ll mean it.”

“And make it hurt the whole time, no doubt,” I voiced, knowing I shouldn’t laugh but I felt it bubbling up. I hugged her tight, enjoying the moment with my sister, but sadness was settling in.

I didn’t see a way for this to work out, at all, if Brenda wasn’t on board. I stuck around for another hour or so, before I headed home with Mom and Dad. My phone buzzed just as I was going into my room. I saw it was my manager and took a deep breath. “Listen, I’ve got good news…,”

“Stop, because I need to know if you’ve seen the news that broke about 20 minutes ago?” Rhonda asked and I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me.

“What news?” I asked, but my phone pinged.

“Look at the link. You need to do some damage control, stat, Cash.” Rhonda hung up before I could even answer.

I saw the link, clicked it, and saw it was a news article. “Gold digger sinks her claws into country music darling.”

“What?” I said and opened the article. The picture was the one the photographer snapped in the library, of me kissing Brenda. I quickly scanned the article. An insider had leaked info about Brenda and her monster hospital debts, and made it read like the only reason Brenda even wanted to date me was to get the money for her hospital bills out of me. I was her pay day, so to speak. The insider said that’s what Brenda herself said.

Anger burned hot and bright. I grabbed Dad’s keys, sped over to her place, and pounded on her door. I’d been burned so many times, used for my money by so many people, that I was raging about being fooled again.

“What the heck, Cash?” Brenda said as soon as she opened the door. “You’re going to break my door down!”

“Care to explain this?” I held the phone in her face. I expected shock, but I didn’t expect her to go pale. Or to close the door in my face. Again.

CHAPTER TWENTY
BRENDA

“Stacey? Oh my God, Stacey, can you come over? Please?” I managed to ask through my tears, sobs, and hiccups. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to catch my breath again.

“I’ll be right there, sweetie. Give me five minutes.” Stacey answered and hung up. I knew she’d be there in minutes, but still, I couldn’t make myself stop crying.

Stacey had her own key, something we’d done last year after a spate of bad weather. We’d exchanged keys for emergencies just like this, so it was no surprise when she let herself in. I was on the floor, a pile of used tissues in a mound beside me.

“Oh, Bren, what’s happened?” Stacey gushed as she knelt down on the floor with me, still in her midnight blue satin pajamas.

“Cash and I danced at the fair tonight and it was so sweet, but then he kissed me and that scared me like crazy, so when a man took our picture I ran and then Cash showed up at my house banging on the door demanding to know about some news article I had nothing to do with and he obviously thinks it’s real,” I said all in one breath, nearly wailing the last word. Stacey took me into her arms, rocking me back and forth, comforting me, but it also brought the sobs back on.

“Cash did what now?” Stacey asked once my new sobs died down. I heard the warning tone in her voice and knew Cash was in trouble. A whole lot of trouble.

“He came over here and nearly banged my door down, screaming at me about the article. I don’t know who they talked to but it said that the only reason I was ‘making eyes at him’ was because I have huge debt and needed him to pay off those debts. That I was a gold digger and had told the ‘informant’ exactly that.” I made air quotes while rolling my eyes, the sobs threatening to come back.

“I’m going to kill him,” Stacey said and moved to leave but I stopped her.

“Please don’t leave me alone. I just need some company right now, I don’t need Cash to die or anything.”

Stacey nodded and made the call. “Honey? Yes, it’s pretty bad. What? Oh, Cash’s usual BS, only this time he took it out on Brenda. I’m going to stay with her tonight, alright? Okay, I love you too, babe. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Stacey hung up and went to my small kitchen. When she came back she had a tub of ice cream, cookies, chips, and a bottle of water with two glasses. How she managed to hold it all I didn’t know, but she put it all down on my coffee table gently.

“Come on. Up here. Out of the floor, my lovely. Find a movie. We’re starting a marathon.”

“I’m not sure I’m up for a marathon.” I pouted but pulled the tub of ice cream to me along with a spoon. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I can’t believe he believes that stupid article,” Stacey said and looked ready to kill a whole herd of older brothers, not just the one.

“Well, the part about my hospital debt is true. I owe so much money to the hospitals and doctors that I don’t know how I’m ever going to pay any of it off.”

“That might be so, but you wouldn’t dream of using Cash for that,” Stacey came to my defense right away and I loved her even more for that. She knew about my cancer, about how I’d struggled, and overcome my illness. She was a real friend and I couldn’t ask for a better one. “I just can’t believe he thinks it’s true. Does he not know you at all?”

“I guess not,” I said, stuffing more chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream into my mouth. I let the ice cream melt on my tongue, thinking as I did so. “I guess he’s kind of used to people trying to take advantage of him.”

“No, don’t you do that. Do not let him off the hook for this. He’s been a jerk but this takes the cake.”

“Oh my God, the cake!” I ran back to my room and picked up the box I’d dropped when I came home and got in my PJs. I ran back into the living room and set it on the table.

“What’s this?” Stacey asked, opening the box. “You bought the death by chocolate cake?”

“Noooooo,” I drawled the word. “Cash did and used it to tempt me into five minutes of his time.”

“Oh my. Do we bother with a knife or go straight in?” Stacey pulled the cake out and set it down on the table. I saw chocolate malted milk balls, peanut butter cups, chocolate covered pretzels, chunks of chocolate and so much more. It was the cake I wanted, though.

“I think we just dive in, honey,” I mumbled as I stuck my spoon into the cake. I slid the morsel into my mouth and nearly embarrassed myself by moaning louder than I ever had in my life. Stacey laughed, then dove in. She did the same thing.

“That is so good,” I said and reached for the water. The fudgey frosting was amazing but I needed a drink. “My mom would kill me if she knew I was eating this.”

“I promise I won’t tell.”

We ate a quarter of the cake before we went to bed. I woke up the next morning feeling a little bloated from the sugar overload. I put the coffee pot on and looked for Stacey. I found a note on the kitchen table. She had to go home so her husband could go to work but she’d call me later.

I understood that.

Later, after a shower, I went into town to get some tea. My stash of tea selections was getting slim and the perfect place to buy more was on Main Street.

I walked into Sage’s Tea Shop, and got a huge hug from Gladys, the owner. “Brenda, how are you dear? I’ve got something special for you.”

I could hear the other patrons in the store whispering loudly about me already, and Gladys herself was a huge gossip. I couldn’t be gossiped about, it could put my job in jeopardy. And, plus, there was the embarrassment of it all.

“I’m really sorry to hear about the trouble in the papers, by the way. Come over here, let me show you what I have. I’ve got one with a special calming blend, just for you.” Gladys starts the tea, then puts a special ‘tonic’ in it. “That’s for money and success.”

I felt my cheeks flame with shame. Maybe being at home was a better idea than being in town. “Thanks, Gladys. I’ll take the tea and some of my usual blends for at home.”

I quickly paid for my purchases and left the store, tired of hearing snickers behind my back and people sputtering in laughter. Did everyone in town read that stupid article and believe it? I felt the crush of shame so heavy that it nearly bowled me over. I wish I’d never met Cash Saunders.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CASH

I’d been brooding around my parents’ house the whole day, barely speaking to anyone. I was trying to work up the nerve to tell them I was going back to LA and didn’t know when I’d be back. I wasn’t going to stick around here, where I’d been humiliated. Being called out as being an idiot so very publicly stung my pride. A lot.

When the front door crashed open, I jumped out of the recliner, shocked at the noise. I gasped when I saw it was Stacey, with Clara, my niece, perched on her hip. The rage on Stacey’s face was the first hint that she’d found out what I’d done at Brenda’s. Okay, I wasn’t exactly proud of my behavior but she deserved it. I settled back into the recliner, not caring if Stacey was mad or not.

She’d just have to get over it.

My mother came into the living room from the kitchen, and gasped when she saw Stacey. “Mom, take Clara, please.”

Mom hurried over to take the baby from her. Stacey’s face was twisted in a powerful rage, and her eyes were narrowed into slits. I was rooted to the spot, wondering if she was capable of murder or not. When she turned that furious scowl on me, I kind of thought she might be.

Without saying a word, she beckoned for me to follow her outside. I hesitated at first, but she insisted with a glare that told me she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“I don’t want my baby girl to see her uncle get punched in the face. By her mother. So you will come outside, and you will do it now.”

I was a little nervous that she might actually do it.

We stepped out into the warm afternoon air, and Stacey finally spoke. “You have a lot of nerve treating Brenda that way,” she said, her voice cold and unforgiving. “What do you think you are?”

I shook my head, confused. “I’m not sure why you’re mad at me, Brenda…,”

“Brenda is the one that survived breast cancer at such a young age the doctors brushed her off for years. You want to know why you don’t remember her from high school? It was because she was so young when her symptoms started that she was out of school sick a lot, waiting for one of those boneheaded doctors to finally listen to her. You want to know why you hadn’t met her before you came back home, after five years, five years, Cash, it was because she was busy fighting cancer.”

“I didn’t know,” I started to interrupt, but again, Stacey stopped me.

“I can’t believe how selfish you are. That woman has been working hard to save her own life, and since she’s over 21, she couldn’t stay on her parents’ insurance plan. And guess what? When you already have cancer, insurance companies don’t really want to take you on as a client. So yes, she has a mountain of debt, but Bren? She won’t take help from anyone to pay that debt off. I’ve offered to loan her money, to have a fundraiser for her, but she won’t let me do it. She won’t take money from people, yet you breeze into town, pursue her, because yes, you did, and then you want to believe a news article written by some tabloid journalist that has never even met Brenda? You have your head stuck so far up your own ass I’m surprised you don’t look like a pretzel. You don’t deserve her, anyway, so thank you for ruining any chance you might have had with her.

Stacey was right and I was an actual heel. I hadn’t given Brenda even a second to explain. I’d just assumed, because of my past, that she was after me for my money. And Stacey was also right about me being the one that pursued Bren. Bren had tried to discourage me at every opportunity, but I’d persisted. I started to apologize, but Stacey cut me off. I expected her to yell and scream, but instead she just looked at me sadly.

“You know I love you,” she said softly, “but right now, I can’t stand the sight of you. Brenda has been dealing with her cancer for a very long time and she’s done it bravely and with more compassion for others than you have ever shown anyone. She’s only been in remission for a year, but she’s working hard to get on with her life, to live normally, but you think writer’s block is the end of the world. Get over yourself, Cash. There are real people out here actually suffering and you still want the world to revolve around you. I’m so pissed that you’re such a huge ass, Cash. Dammit.”

“Stacey. I didn’t know.” I started to protest, but that only made Stacey’s face go harder.

“Of course you didn’t. Because you didn’t take the time to listen, or to ask questions, or to do anything other than be infatuated with her. She’s not a gold digger, or some bitch trying to ride your fame, Cash. She’s an actual human being, a very caring, sensitive, loving one too. But you will never know that, I hope. I hope Brenda never forgives you. It will save her a whole lot of heartache.”

“Wow.” I mumbled, seeing now how much my sister detested me. And I’d earned every bit of it because she was right. I had been selfish for a very long time. I felt like utter shit for how I’d treated her, our whole family, and Brenda too.

“You’d better apologize before you jet off into the sunset. I don’t know if she’ll actually let you near it, but write it down on a piece of paper if that’s all you can manage. I don’t care how you do it, but apologize, or I will never speak to you again.” Stacey declared before she left me standing at the front of the house, alone.

I walked back into the house and went into the kitchen to get Dad’s keys to the Pontiac. I had an apology to make.

Mom glared at me as I did so and I hung my head in shame. Stacey had dropped a lot of information on me in a short amount of time, but it all sank in. I’d been more than a jerk to Brenda, I’d been the one thing I’d vowed to protect her from. I hadn’t even got the album together yet and I’d already turned it into a lie. I had to make this right.

I went over what I’d say in my head as I drove over to her house, going through different scenarios, but I wasn’t sure which one would be right. I’d think of something to say, then realize it was all about me and what I felt, and not an apology, and I’d scrap it.

I tried to call her on the way to her house, but Brenda wasn’t answering. Once I got to her house, I saw her car wasn’t there and I knew why. There were people parked up and down her curb, people standing on her lawn, and when I got out of the car, they started yelling questions at me. I brushed past them to knock on the door. I glare back at the reporters, the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’d wanted to protect her, but I’d done the exact opposite. I’ve failed her spectacularly.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
BRENDA

I had to run away from home. I couldn’t stand the constant noise outside, or the questions being yelled at my front door by the nosy. Some were even from Crossroad’s for heaven’s sake. When I arrived at my parents’ house, my hands shook, but Mom had let me in.

“What’s going on Brenda? Why are you here?” Mom asked, fussing around me, hovering like a bumble bee. “Are you ill? Or is it that article?”

My heart sank in my chest. She knew. Great.

“I have too many reporters and nosy people at my house. I couldn’t stay there anymore. Can I stay here for a couple of days?”

“Of course, darling. Your room will always be yours.” Dad said as he came in, concern etched onto his lined face.

“Thanks, Dad.” I said and went into the kitchen, the usual gathering place in our house. I sat down at the table, going over everything that had happened. I had been so naive, so stupid. How could I have been so blind?

I had spent days dreaming about the possibilities, but never for a second had I considered the consequence of the choices I had made. How could I have been so stupid as to think he’d actually be different, that he’d actually…love me?

I wished I could sink into the ground and disappear. Mom kept asking me why I had trusted someone like that, even if he was from Tender Hills.

“Celebrities are not to be trusted,” she said.

I lowered my eyes in shame as her words washed over me like an ocean wave. I could barely eat the cauliflower casserole she insisted was dinner. Not just because it smelled unappetizing, but because there was a knot in my stomach that wouldn’t let me eat. I didn’t want to face anyone and I’d called into work that morning, but I knew I’d have to go tomorrow. I’d have to face the music, so to speak.

My father, however, was a little more understanding than my mother and always had been. He had a gentler look in his eyes, and gave me a hug instead of a stern talking-to. He reminded me that it was alright to make mistakes after dinner as we talked quietly in the living room while Mom filled the dishwasher.

“It’s often only by experiencing the lows that we truly appreciate the highs, Brenda. You know that by now. This is a learning experience, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up too much.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I murmured, leaning into him on the couch.

“Romance movie or the nightly news?” Dad asked as he reached for the TV remote.

“Neither!” I said loudly, putting my hands over my eyes. “A good comedy would be nice, though.”

“I bet,” Dad chuckled and turned the TV on.

The next morning I got up and got ready for work. I had to go back, even if all I wanted to do was hide. My mom made me a vegan breakfast which I washed down with the thermos of coffee my father snuck me when I walked out the door.

I paused as I pulled into the parking lot at school a little while later, trying to calm myself down. The whole way there I’d worried about what would happen. I wagered a guess that the whole town knew about Cash and I, and what had been printed in that tabloid.

I’d spent so long keeping my life private, keeping my cancer quiet, that now that my life was bared for everyone to judge, I felt extremely exposed. This had invaded far more than my privacy, it had invaded my sense of self as well as my sense of safety. I saw looks from other teachers that left me with no doubts about how they judged me. I heard whispers behind hands, and laughter as jokes were made about me.

I straightened my spine, ignored the titters of laughter, and went into my classroom. The second they all filed in, each student came up to my desk to ask if I was okay, if I’d been sick. One little girl even hugged me with tears in her eyes until I assured her I was fine. That really touched me and reminded me why I loved my job so much, even on trying days like today.

“Now class,” I said after roll call, starting my lesson as I normally would. “Let’s start with our number activities first today, okay? We’re going to play a game.”

The kids squealed with joy and all gathered in our little play area. I loved moments like this, lived for them. We played the game until it was time to start on colors. One little boy didn’t want to stop, even though all the other kids were in their seats. “Now, Robert. You know it’s time to do something else. Please pay attention and get in your seat.”

The little boy looked like he wanted to protest, but then he looked at the other kids. He hung his little head, but he went back to his seat without any further problems. I smiled, about to start handing out the sheets and the crayons for coloring.

I turned my head when I heard a knock at the closed door. The kids all went quiet and turned their heads too. I expected to see another teacher in need of help or the principal. Instead, I saw Cash standing there with a bunch of flowers under his chin.

“Are they just letting anyone walk in these days?” I mumbled to myself just as one of the kids screamed Cash’s name. The other kids all got excited too, though I’m not sure if they recognized him or if they were just excitable. “Now, class, we use our inside voices, don’t we?”

I stared at all of them until they went quiet and then went to the door. “Take your flowers and go away,” I hissed as I slipped through the door and held the knob in my hands.

“Brenda, please, let me apologize. I am so sorry. I didn’t know about your cancer, or what you’ve been through.” He groveled, his eyes down for long moments before he brought them up to mine. I steeled myself against those eyes.

“Who told you?” I hissed, glaring at him.

“Stacey. Please, can you forgive me and give me a second chance? I think I’m in love with you,” he said, his eyes full of apology. I didn’t want to hear it. Especially that last part.

“First of all, it wasn’t Stacey’s place to tell you my business. Second of all, you’ve already had a second chance, remember the restaurant?” I paused, taking a deep breath. “You didn’t trust me. You didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. You hissed at me and shoved a phone in my face in a temper tantrum that would put those kids in there to shame. No, Cash. You don’t get a third chance. Goodbye.”

Cash stared at me, struggling for words, but none came out. Finally, he turned around and left, the flowers dangling from his right hand. I wiped at the tears falling from my eyes and then went back to class. It was over.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CASH

Two days later, I called Stacey. My stomach was in knots as I dialed her number, not knowing what reaction I would receive. I had to ask a favor of her; one that I knew she wouldn’t want to do.

“Stacey, it’s me,” I said, tentatively. I was half afraid she’d hang up on me. The idea came to me as I brooded in my room the day I came home from school. It had taken me two days to arrange everything, but it was happening. Now, I just needed Stacey to play her part.

“Cash,” she said, her voice icy. I could feel her anger coming through the phone like waves of frost.

“I need a favor,” I said. I could feel my heart pounding.

“A favor?” she asked, her tone incredulous. “What makes you think I would do you any favors?”

I took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “I need Bren to listen to the radio today at 10 am. I’m doing an interview and it’s important that she hears it.”

There was a long pause on the other end. When Stacey spoke again, her voice was full of warning. “You better be on your knees praying that she’ll forgive you.”

I promised her it would be worth it. Hopefully, I thought, Bren would see that too. “I’ll do my best. Just make sure she’s got the radio on.”

“I’ll see what I can do. I’m not making any promises, though, Cash.”

“That’s all you can do. Thanks, Stacey.” I hung up and headed out to drive to Crossroads.

I arrived at the radio station, my heart beating wildly in my chest. I was both excited and nervous; excited that Bren would hear my song, but nervous that she wouldn’t forgive me. And that I was about to expose myself to the entire world.

“Good morning, listeners. We have a treat for you today. Cash Saunders has come into the station here in Crossroads and he’s going to chat with us for a little while. So, Cash, tell us what you’ve been up to.”

“Thanks for having me, Allison. It’s great to be here. I’ve been working on some new music for my next album and if it’s alright with you, I’d like to play one of the songs that will be on the album later.”

“That sounds amazing with a capital A, Cash. A chance to hear a song before it’s out? Yes, please.” Allison laughed and I smiled with her.

She asked me some more easy questions, leading me into a conversation about my favorite bands. She really seemed to understand music and I calmed down a lot, finding myself back in my element.

“So, a new album? Are you feeling the pressure?” She asked with a wince.

I took a deep breath and nodded before I remembered the listeners couldn’t see me. The jockey asked me questions about my career as a musician, what inspired me, and how long I’d been writing songs. I answered each question honestly, feeling more confident with each one. By the end of the interview, she seemed genuinely impressed with my work.

When she was finished asking questions, Allison said I wanted to play something special for the listeners, something they had never heard before. That’s when I remembered what I had come here for: to give Bren the chance to hear my new song on the radio for the first time.

My hands began to shake as I picked up my guitar and Allison announced that we were going to hear a brand new Cash Saunders song before anyone else. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and waited for calm to overtake me to play the unrecorded song over the airwaves. My manager and the record label might hate it, but I didn’t care. I’d written this song for Brenda and I was going to sing it to her.

When it was finally over, there was silence in the sound booth as I looked up and saw Allison and everyone outside of the studio was grinning with joy. Allison even had tears in her eyes.

“What a wonderful song of apology and forgiveness. And growing beyond our past experiences too. Wow. It was amazing, Cash, thank you for playing that for us. Let’s get some reactions from the listeners, shall we?” Allison turned to the laptop beside her and scrolled through the online reactions.

I smiled softly knowing Bren had heard it too; hoping that she’d understand why I had done this.

“I hope the woman I wrote that for heard it. Brenda, if you’re listening, I want you to know I love you. That news article was wrong, and so was I. I shouldn’t have bought into it and I should have been a better man. Also, to show you that not everyone in this industry are jerks, I paid your hospital bills. All of them.”

Allison looked at me with shock and blinked. “Wow. You really do love her, huh?”

“It’s an amazing feeling, and I messed up, but yeah, I do love that lady. A lot. People in this industry can be cruel, but I’m not like that. And she deserves to have the world handed to her and if she’ll let me, I’ll give that to her.”

“Cash, I knew you were different, but wow. You’re an amazing romantic, too. I’m impressed.” Allison smiled at me, but gave me a wink and showed me her wedding ring to let me know she was teasing me.

I smiled and thought it was time to drive back to Mom and Dad’s. “Thanks for having me, Allison, it’s been great.”

Allison nodded and broke into an announcement about what was coming up in the next hour. I got up and left the sound booth, waving at her as I left.

As I walked out of the radio station, I felt both relieved and anxious. I had put everything out there, aired my heart and soul on the radio for everyone to hear. And now, I just had to wait and see what would happen next. Would Bren forgive me? Would we be able to move past this and start again?

There were no messages or missed calls on my phone which made my heart sink. I really wanted to see a message on there telling me she forgave me, but that’s not what I saw. I saw messages from my manager, though, a very angry manager by the excerpts of the messages I saw on my screen. I threw the phone in the passenger seat and started the car. Maybe Stacey hadn’t been able to get her to listen to the interview and song? Maybe this had all been for nothing? I turned the radio on, needing some music to drown out the silence.

“What a great visit we had from Cash Saunders. He reminded us that love isn’t just about the flowers and romance. It can be about forgiveness and being big enough to know when you’re wrong. I can’t wait to buy the whole album now, how about you, listeners?”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
BRENDA

I’d wanted to protest when Stacey ran into my classroom to drag me to the staff break room. I didn’t want to listen to Cash, or hear his apology. I wanted to be angry at him and never let go of this anger. So I could get through my day. But she’d put her foot down and had even enlisted the help of one of the substitute teachers that happened to be walking by to stand in for me in my classroom.

By the time the interview was over I was a wreck. I couldn’t believe that he did something like sing a song for me, that he wrote for me, on the radio and he’d paid off the medical bills from my cancer treatment. And that he’d so publicly apologized. On live radio.

“Oh my God. I might have to stop hating him,” Stacey sobbed as she pulled out another swatch of paper towel to wipe her nose with from the dispenser. “I can’t believe he did that.”

“I know,” I answered, pulling out my own swatch. “It’s so sweet. And that song! It was so amazing.”

“So, you forgive him?” Stacey asked, and I saw the hope in her eyes. I wanted to second-guess myself, I wanted to say no, but I deserved a real chance at love didn’t I? “Come on, Bren. You deserve this. I know that’s what you’re questioning behind those secretive little eyes of yours. I’ve never heard my brother apologize for anything, but he just did. I was kind of against this from the start but now? Seeing how you affect him? How does he affects you? You deserve this chance, Bren, you really do. So, girl, take it.”

“I have to finish the day out, I can’t just leave in the middle of the day. But yeah, I think I’ll go by your parents’ house later and talk to him. I can’t believe he did that.” I wiped gently at my eyes one last time and then stood up. “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”

“You do, but like it was from a good cry. Not the bad cry kind.” Stacey dabbed at my left eye to clean up some eyeliner and then nodded. “Okay, let’s finish this day and try not to lose our minds.”

My instinct was to run to him now, to go to him now. To make the wait end, but I couldn’t just abandon the kids. I’d lose my teaching license, so I waited it out, watching the clock slowly tick by, certain that time had suddenly stood still.

Something twisted for me in that moment when he sang that song. I realized how much I love him and probably always would. And that I’d been just as afraid of love as he was. This was real love, the kind that would last a lifetime. I’d been afraid of so many things, but with that song, he told me to stop being afraid, to take a chance on him.

He deserved one more chance, as far as I was concerned.

Still, I had to be an adult and wait until the end of the day before I made a move. But once that moment came, once I was in my car and the engine was running, I sped over to his parents’ house. I get there just as he’s putting a suitcase in his Dad’s car. Cash went completely still as he spotted me.

We just stood there, the late afternoon sun catching the colors of his hair, my heart pounding with all that I wanted to say but could not find the words for. Then he looked into my eyes and all else was forgotten. He dropped his suitcase and rushed to me, pulling me into an embrace so tight I could feel it through every part of my body. I’d wanted to run into his arms, but my feet were rooted in place, the moment suspended in time as we both savored it.

He held me until I finally let go of a long breath and nestled against him. His lips were soft on mine, gentle at first as if he was afraid to break the spell, then more passionate as we both felt our love burst free from its bubble prison.

When he pulled back he smiled at me, his face open with love and hope for us both. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry for everything that happened between us and for the way I acted. It was wrong of me and I know that now.”

I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes. “No, you don’t have to apologize. You paid for my medical bills, Cash. That’s so…so generous.” I felt guilty being mad when he’d done something so kind and selfless for me.

He smiled gently, cupping my face in his hands. I almost sobbed in joy, tears spilling from my eyes.

“I’d pay it over and over again if it made your life easier,” he said solemnly. His gaze softened as he looked into my eyes, seeing all of me with a single glance.

“I’m going to love you through it all, Bren. Through the good times and the bad…but especially if your cancer ever comes back.” He took a deep breath before continuing, his voice gentle but resolute. “Whatever happens between us or whatever may come our way, I want to love you through it all. And I mean, it’s not going to be easy to love me. I’ll be on the road a lot, but not as much as I used to be. You’re so important to me, more important than record sales.”

I felt my heart swell with emotion, tears streaming down my cheeks. “I love you too Cash,” I whispered, before kissing him once again.

As we continued to embrace, I realized that forgiving Cash and giving him another chance was the best decision I could have made. Being with him filled me with an inexplicable joy that I hadn’t felt in years. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy, but I was willing to fight for our love. I was willing to love him through it all.

And as we stood there, lost in each other’s eyes, I couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, this was the start of something beautiful.

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